Sigh

So, I'm trying to fix this whole insomnia thing. I've tallied what I think is screwing me up.

1. Sinuses, stuffy nose, dry throat, post-nasal drip, keeping me from falling asleep, and waking me up coughing.

2. My biological clock is suited better to the island of Palau, which is north of Australia, east of the Philippines, and south-west of Guam. [I went scuba diving there. I think I finally got some decent rest.]

3. I sleep lightly. My husband's snoring, my snoring, the dogs making noises, or the dogs just STARING at me will wake me up.

4. I take stuff to help me sleep: stuff to shut up my sinuses and to make me groggy, to try to combat my screwed up biological clock. Unfortunately, anti-histamine's have a side effect that is similar to caffeine, i.e., you have to pee alot. This also wakes me up. [Either that or I'm just getting old. :P ]

5. As I said, I snore. Since I've often woken up with a headache, I'm beginning to wonder if I have sleep apnea.

6. When the sun comes up, my body can no longer fight off fatigue, or the anti-histamine. And the stuff that is either blooming at night, or that is sinking to the ground at night as the earth cools... whatever the heck that is setting my sinuses off at night, eases up. And I can rest.

7. Oh, yeah. My brain chatters. It's hard to shut it up in order to sleep.

If I try to tough it out, I am totally wasted and sleepy and useless all day. I can't keep my eyes open. Then, when night-time comes, no matter how bloody tired I am, I get my damned second wind.

If I give in and get more sleep, after the sun has risen, I run terribly late for work, and feel more and more like my life is out of control. But at least I can think at work. However, in order to get all 8 hours in, I end up working through lunch, and working into the evening. :P

My Mom has the same sleeping problems. My Sister told me that my Mom's Dad was also the exact same way.

I'm doomed.

Anyway, I am going onto this special diet that was created and/or managed by a medical clinic in town. I'm doing this because I'm sure being fat isn't helping... shoot, it contributes to snoring and sleep apnea.

And I'm going to go see a sleep doctor, and get wired up, so they can see what makes me tick at night.

And I'm going to go get tested to see what the heck I'm allergic to, and what is the best way to treat it... i.e., to go see if I need a prescription, as opposed to doing the over-the-counter thing.

Finally, I've been seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist... originally for my sleep problems, but it ended up becoming all about getting my OCD treated, and hashing out stuff I'm mad at my parent's for. But last time I saw the shrink I told him I was still having big problems. Next time I see him he's giving me sleeping pills... I stupidly told him last time that I wanted to talk to the psychologist first about ways to help myself sleep at night. That was a month ago, and I haven't been able to see her... the original appointment got cancelled, and the replacement appointment... well, I overslept and skipped it so I could get more hours in at work. :P

So the next time I see my shrink, I'm getting a ton of bloody sleeping pills.

I'm going to get healthy sleep if it kills me. Ghrrrr.

I'm going to lose weight and be a healthier person. It is GOING to happen.

Sigh.

I will not start making soap and forming an army! I will not become Ed Norton of fight club! Ghrrrrrrrrrr.

Anyway, I am tired of disappointing myself. I'm tired of not being the person I want to be. I don't want to be a night person. I don't want to be fat. I want to be on time at work, and wake up energetic and rested instead of wiped out and still so tired I can't see straight.

Ok, that's my rant for the night. :P