Funny Quotes

From "Robot Chicken":

Darth Vader: Luke... I am your father!
Luke Skywalker: Noooo! That's impossible!
Darth Vader: It's true! And Princess Leia is your sister!
Luke Skywalker: That's... improbable.
Darth Vader: And the Empire will be defeated by Ewoks!
Luke Skywalker: That's... highly unlikely...
Darth Vader: And as a kid, I built C-3PO!
Luke Skywalker: ...wha?
[time passes]
Darth Vader: And you know that all-powerful Force? That's really just microscopic bacteria called Midichlorians!
Luke Skywalker: [smoking a cigarette] Look, if you're not gonna take this seriosuly, I'm outta here!


From "WKRP in Cincinnati"

Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
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[after an elderly couple has broken into the DJ booth]
Dr. Johnny Fever: All right, you two, up against the wall! I don't what you want but you should know I've killed a lot of old people in my time. And I'm not above doing it again.
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Bailey Quarters: Have you noticed all the men in Landersville are going bald? I wonder if there's a nuclear power plant in the area.
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Andy Travis: It's a good thing I had an extra pair of jeans in my office.
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Les Nessman: What is an executrix?
Herb Tarlek: Oh it has to do with whips, chains, and leather. That sort of thing.
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Dr. Johnny Fever: Do you have enough money to feed yourself?
Les Nessman: Yes.
Dr. Johnny Fever: I don't, can you loan me some money?
Les Nessman: No.
Dr. Johnny Fever: Can you loan me some food?
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Jennifer Marlowe: Mr. Craven I would like to ask you a question about the phone company.
Wayne Craven: Well that's what I'm here for, fire away.
Jennifer Marlowe: You know the phone company won't give you a specific time when they'll come to install your phone. You have to wait all day long. Like most people, I work and can't take the whole day off.
Wayne Craven: Uh-Hunh.
Jennifer Marlowe: So Saturday is the only day I'll be here. But because so many other people have the same problem, you can wait up to two, three weeks or more for service.
Wayne Craven: That's correct.
Jennifer Marlowe: Could you tell me why that is?
Wayne Craven: Of course, it's like that because we don't have any competition.
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Les Nessman: Last night at that house, did anything happen?
Jennifer Marlowe: I met a lady whose car I have to replace and I discovered we have a sex pervert in the neighborhood.
Les Nessman: No, I mean did anything unusual happen?
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[Venus is showing off his flashy wardrobe]
Venus Flytrap: I only came downtown to have one of my suits serviced.
Dr. Johnny Fever: I'll bet a suit like that stays in the shop most of the time.
Venus Flytrap: I got suits I can't get parts for.
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[Newscast from opening credits]
Reporter: And the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity.
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[at a record store hosting a WKRP remote broadcast]
Herb Tarlek: Del, goshdarnit I've got to go, but if you need anything, anything at all, I'll be in my car somewhere.
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[Johnny is lying to keep from being beaten up by a big thug named Dave]
Dr. Johnny Fever: I'm Andy Travis, glad to meet you, (pointing to the real Andy Travis) that's my brother Randy and that's old Venus of course.
Venus Flytrap: Of course.
Dr. Johnny Fever: (referring to Dave) We don't know who the mountainoid is.
Dave: Name's Dave.
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Venus Flytrap: [Fever runs into the booth and hides behind the coat rack] What are you doin', man! I'm on the air!
Dr. Johnny Fever: Herb Tarlek is selling life insurance!
Venus Flytrap: Oh, no! Close the blinds before he sees us!
Andy Travis: [Walks into the booth] What have I told you guys about goofing off when one of you is supposed to be on the air?
Dr. Johnny Fever: Herb Tarlek is selling life insurance!
Andy Travis: Oh, no!
[slams the door and hides with Fever]
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Les Nessman: [saying that Bailey shouldn't produce the show] This isn't the Ohio State School of Journalism, this is the big time.
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[Arthur Carlson has just warned a religious figure to be careful picking who to boycott]
Dr. Bob Halyers: Well then, I'll have to do what is says in the good book, learn to love my enemy.
Arthur 'Big Guy' Carlson: You're gonna have to, because I don't think you can trust your friends.