Friday, October 28, 2005

New bunny funny

So, I'm taking care of some friends pets while they are out of town.

They have a cute bunny named Fluffy.

We have two German Shepherds, Boss and Ellie.

Our dogs have a bit too large of a prey drive. We want to get them to understand that not everything smaller than they are and not a dog or a human is ok to go chase down. [We'd especially like them to figure that out with regards to skunks!]

Well, I think Ellie isn't too much of a prey chaser. But Boss definitely tries to go after cats he sees when we are walking him.

I talked to my husband W about bringing the dogs over to our friends yard, letting the rabbit out of the hutch, and letting the dogs, while safely on leash, meet the rabbit.

My husband commented that that could be very funny. One of us said "Yeah, new bunny funny."

This has since become our phrase for doing stupid or ironic things that take a person out of the gene pool, especially if it's a very gory exit from the pool.

We haven't had much reason to use the phrase recently...

Well, I've been lamenting that no-one appears to be reading my blog. Of course, they could be reading and not posting, but there's no easy way for me to tell that. I joked that I was beginning to feel desperate for attention here... maybe I should tell my Parents or my Sister about my blog.

My husband joked "Yeah, that could be really new bunny funny." ;)

Friday, October 21, 2005

My Dark Side

So, my husband and I were greatly amused by how many women have the hots for Darth Vader. And yes, I'm one of them.

I have my own weird reasons for thinking the dude is cool. But I had no idea, until the internet came into existence, that I was definitely not alone. Well, I had a little bit of a clue from reading a book on the making of Return of the Jedi, when I was a teenager, and reading the part the said that even Darth Vader got fan mail, and it was mostly from hot-and-bothered women!

Well, I can definitely understand the attraction, but I don't get the whole writing fan mail to a person who doesn't really exist! Who were they expecting to open the mail? James Earl Jones? George Lucas? Dave Prowse? Sebastian Shaw???

I mean, this was way before they got Hayden Christensen to play Anakin/Vader for 2 of the 6 movies. I could see girls writing fan mail to Hayden... that makes sense. But directly addressed to "Darth Vader"?

Anyway, I do get the attraction. The whole "tall, dark, and evil" thing, the whole 'I don't take shit from no-body' attitude, the dark sarcasm, the frightening presence. I just got a big kick out of his character in the Star Wars flicks. His whole quiet, dignified machismo... yeah, totally cool. Totally not someone you would REALLY want a relationship with, but very sexy in a weird -- VERY weird -- way.

Anyway, my husband and I have been joking: we think there's a market for various Vader-related sex toys. Vader dildo's, Vader vibrators. I can't help but think that a Vader "real doll", with a fully modifiable, 'er, private region, would be a big deal. Maybe with some pre-programmed things he could say. "You don't know the power of the Dark Side." "I find your lack of faith disturbing." "As you wish." "What is thy bidding, my Master?"

I'm sure, of course, that Lucasfilm would have some BIG copyright issues... ;) [Not to mention other problems with the whole idea...]

I can't quite see real dolls where Vader is helmet-less. He sortof loses the whole "big bad dude" feeling w/o the helmet... plus his burn-scarred face just isn't attractive. (No offense Mr. Sebastian Shaw...) But then again, maybe I'm just not in tune with the **TRUE** die-hard Vader fetishists out there!

So, my husband has teasingly offered to wear a Vader helmet during sex. I have briefly considered it, but am afraid something inside my brain might just go "crack", and that would be all she wrote... There's fantasy, and there's taking the fantasy a bit too far.

Some fantasies just aren't a good idea to truly act out.

I may not be playing with a full deck and/or all my marbles, but I have enough of them handy to know what would send me over the edge... taking me from having a screw loose to having my screws completely stripped of their grooves. :P Yeah, I think that would do it.

I have to wonder about people who have taken their fantasies too far. Did they crack afterwards? Did they even know they'd cracked afterwards?

I have to also wonder about when my husband and I have kids, what they are going to think about my whole Vader thing?

"Mom, which character was your favorite in the Star Wars series?"
"Darth Vader".
"Oh, you mean Anakin Skywalker before he turned bad?"
"Uhm... no, Darth Vader".

"Mom, which character in the Star Wars series did you have a crush on?"
"Uhm, Han Solo to a certain extent, but mostly Darth Vader." ????????

Must. Delete. BLOG. Once. Have. Children.

And. They. Learn. How. To. Read.

Heh. Man, the things my Mom finally, uhm, confessed to me... things that I, when I was a child, I wasn't supposed to know. The things my Mom didn't want me to know even as an adult, but felt compelled to tell me so I didn't make the same mistakes... Maybe my silly fetish is pretty light in comparison!

[Course, I haven't even mentioned my vampire fetish... shoot, that's worth several blog posts alone.]

We don't have kids yet. We currently just have dogs. It's pretty hard to shock or mess with dogs minds with weird confessions.

"Ellie, did you know that your 'Dad' and I had sex before marriage?"
"No, really! I don't believe in doing that, but I caved... he didn't cajole me into it, I caved to my own desires."
"And did you know that I have had a Darth Vader fetish since I was a teenager?"
"Worooof oofhh."
"Yep. Your 'Mom' is just a total weirdo."
"Woo woof." Paw.
"Do you want a cookie?"

Having that conversation with a teenager... it just feels like it would go down differently.


Then again, it's probably the case that our kids are going to have things that they will feel like they can never tell us. Sexual exploits that they would both think would weird us out, plus they wouldn't want to talk to us about anyway... hey, we're their parents! You don't talk to your parents about your sexual exploits! It's just not done.

The things I could tell my parents. Whoa.

Shoot, they don't even know about my whole Vader thing, other than he was my favorite Star Wars character.

Well.... maybe my Mom has a bit of a clue. :)

So.... fantasies, guys. What fantasies have you guys had that you realize, if you ever truly acted out, would be pretty psychologically damaging?

What secrets do you have that you think would make your parent's heads spin?

What secrets did your parents tell you that initially made your head spin?

Well, I guess I'll talk a little about the Vampire thing...

I think both the Vampire thing and the Vader thing were both sparked by being sexually repressed, and having just a major guilt complex. Growing up, the idea of having fantasies about guys... guys I knew, or guys in movies, etc... it just felt wrong. It felt like I was forcing that guy to have sex with me in my head. I.E., like if the guy really knew that I was having fantasies about him, maybe he would be offended. I guess I felt like it was equivalent of having sex with someone without their permission. Almost rape, but they never know about it.

Yeah, I know. I'm weird.

So anytime I tried to have a fantasy about a boy I knew, or an actor, etc., I felt guilty about it.

And I was totally into the whole Vampire thing, and the whole Beauty and the Beast thing.

It wasn't long that I somehow started having Vader fantasies. The guilt wasn't as bad... Vader wasn't even real. So, although it was still a sin, and also a really weird thing to do, it still wasn't "as bad" as having a fantasy about a real person. And even if I thought of Vader as a real person... well, maybe because of how evil he was, the fact that I might be forcing him to have sex in my head... well, it's kindof hard to feel sorry for him.

And ironically having a fantasy about a character that an actor played... couldn't do it. It was too much like imagining sex with that actor.

So faceless Vader got most of my attention.

The Vampires were just more of my sexual repression coming out. In order to keep from killing the object of their love, they often have to hold themselves back from any sexual release. In many genres, it's just too hard for a Vampire to stop drinking their loved-one's blood in time to keep from killing them. Well, this totally spoke to me, since I was horribly horny and intending to remain celibate until marriage.

Anyway, I still think Vampires are cool. I have a pair of fangs I got specially made for my eye-teeth when I went to LosCon 21, in Burbank. And I have a Vader helmet.

I've been a Vampire for Halloween. I've been Vader. And I've been Snoopy.

And before you ask, NO, I have never had sexual fantasies about Snoopy!!!! I loved Peanuts and Snoopy long before I knew what sex was.

So, there you have it. Sexual repression and the weird things it can lead to. :)

Monday, October 17, 2005

Ramble ramble

Feeling much better. Bronchitis is mostly gone.

My husband and I both went to work today.

The whole week of coughing up a lung, sleeping, eating, playing with the dogs, and being a total couch potato seems to have done us some good. Well, me at least. I hardly felt stressed.

Anyway, I had a peaceful day of just getting code written and tested for my project. That was totally cool.

So our friend, R, her Mom just had a triple by-pass. She needed me to give her and her daughter a ride to the airport tonight, so she could fly to Canada and be with her Mom and the rest of her family. R's husband is still on travel for work.

I hate seeing R go through this. It's been pretty scary. I know what she's going through: my Mom had a very scary time a couple of years ago until doctor's figured out what she needed: a pacemaker to keep her heart pumping adequately and meds to keep her heart from beating TOO quickly! My Mom's got congestive heart failure, which she'll never get over, but which is treatable, and something she's been able to live with. She has good days and bad days.

Well, R's Mom has had several heart attacks, one right after having had stints put in. R's Mom is one of the unlucky few who react badly to the stints... it even made the heart attack worse than it would have been w/o the stints. :( R's about 10 years younger than I am. Her Mom's 10 or 20 years younger than my Mom! This is just too early.

I badly wanted to hug R and her daughter before I put them on the plane... but having just gotten over my bronchitis bug, I was afraid I'd give it to R or to her daughter... and from them then to R's Mom. :P Not good.

So that's what's going on right now. Hope things are going well with the rest of the world. :) Hang in there, guys.


Saturday, October 15, 2005

Out of it...

I've been out of it for a while here. ;)

I've been out sick with a sore throat that turned into a cold that then turned into an upper respiratory infection. I tried to fight it on my own, but when it decided to turn into bronchitis, I gave in, went to a Doctor, and had him bring out the "big guns", i.e., antibiotics.

I missed over a week of work. :P

Sorry I haven't written in a while.

My husband now has the same wonderful bug. We're both sick, but now I'm the one who is the most well, so I've been driving him to McDonalds for "comfort food", etc. :) Just a couple days ago he was bringing me tea and doing the grocery shopping.

We've been doing alot of couch-potato channel-surfing. And playing a game he bought me: the Star Wars Lego Playstation game. :) Well, I've mostly been watching, and offering advice for where I thought they might be hiding stuff.

So it's been kindof boring over in my neck of the woods.

I'm rather obsessive about checking things, so that includes checking websites for updates. But weirdly, I was fairly obsessive in the past 1.5 weeks in checking for new earthquakes. It was like I... felt like a new one was on the way. Then when I saw the one in Pakistan, it was a weird confirmation of my feelings, which was neat. But also one I would rather not have had. The past few months feel like I'm watching, waiting for the next shoe to drop.

[Before anyone misinterprets the above, I am very sad about what happened to Pakistan and India and the general area of the earthquake. I have friends who are Pakistinian.]

I feel like I'm watching things fall into place for the end times, for when all that scary stuff in Revelations starts to happen.

I feel like I shouldn't make any "big plans" in the near future!

I feel like Southern California is next. Big Quake and/or Tsunami, here we come. Good thing I haven't shipped the surf kayak out to my Sister yet in Nevada because we're going to need it!

I think I'm living in a state of somewhat perpetual fear. And although I'm sure the terrorists would like to take credit for it all, I have to say that they are just a part of that fear. The natural disasters that have been occurring show that God is the one we should be listening to, not some people who need to borrow our own planes in order to break down a couple of buildings.

Not trying to equate God with terrorists, or vice-versa. But I do feel like this may be part of God's "heads up" warning to us that it's time to seek Him while we have a chance.

I both feel like I have sought Him, and have not. I feel like I can talk the talk, but not sure I've ever truly walked the walk.

Anyway, in case we are in the end times, or even if we're not, if you haven't sought out a relationship with God, now's a real good time. You don't know if you'll be alive tomorrow. Shoot, you don't know if your city will be on the map tomorrow!

It's pretty simple. You need to believe that Jesus was God's Son, that He died on the cross to pay for your sins, and that He rose from the dead on the 3rd day. And then you need to accept God's gift of forgiveness, God's payment for your sins. And ask Jesus to come into your heart, and be the Lord and Saviour of your life. And tell others about it... and especially go get with a Church, so other believers can help you in your new life.

Part of the whole thing is also being Baptised, which in some Churches means being immersed in water, and others means being sprinkled with water. But basically it's a ceremony that is a visual indication of your choice to follow God from now on. The latter isn't 100% necessary, i.e., if you are physically unable to be Baptised, God's not going to count that against you! But if you are able to be Baptised, go do it, if only because it is God's desire.

I feel like I should be taking my own advice. I've been Baptised... got sprinkled with water. I've asked God into my heart. I just often have problems believing it "took". Me and "Doubting Thomas" from the Bible would get along really well. ;) But don't be like me... don't doubt God's promises of Salvation. Don't mimic my OCD-induced doubting.

Wow. Ok, I didn't think I had anything to say, this being a very "boring" time in my life right now since I've been sick and out of circulation with regards to work and "the real world". Guess I was wrong.

Hope this finds you guys out there well. Hang in there, and know that everything happens for a good reason... but we just don't always get to see what that reason is.