Saturday, July 16, 2005

Child-safe movies? -- edited parts bold and italics

I've been getting more and more exposure to the concept of movies that are kid safe. My husband and I have friends who have a sweet 4 year old girl. And my office-mate has two daughters, 11 and 9 I think.

My husband and I were over for dinner at our friend's place. "The Abyss" came on. I totally spaced on the scary parts of the movie, and our friends seemed to be ok with watching it as the Father spaced on the scary parts too, and the Mother had never seen it before. And we really got into it.

The 4 year old got totally into it when I explained that the aliens were friendly, and very pretty, all pink and blue and full of light. She'd keep asking where did they go, when would we see them again? So that aspect of the movie didn't scare her.

And thankfully we were at the part after they'd already recovered the missile, so she didn't get to see all the dead bodies in the sunken sub.

But I forgot about the guy who, when he lost it and went crazy, at one point was doing self-injury, i.e., cutting into his arm.

And for some reason I thought we were already past the point where the hero's wife has to allow herself to drown and go into hypothermia, so the husband can swim with her to the underwater complex, where it takes some time to revive her.

So we did alot of "don't look, sweetie, this part is scary!", and put our hands in front of her eyes. And I told her that the wife was just asleep. And that she was just really deeply asleep, so it was hard for them to wake her up. "Uhm, but don't worry, you won't fall that deeply asleep! It will be easy for you to be woken up. Uhm, you do understand that you'll be ok, that you'll be able to wake up, right? You know this is just a story, right?" [Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up! Making it worse...]

Well, the daughter was fine, thankfully! But the Mom told me later that she (the Mom) was a little weirded out... i.e., the Mom kept expecting the water monster (the tube of water that goes into the complex to take a look around) to grab her (the Mom) when she was in the pool!!! [The daughter however was not expecting the water monster while she was swimming in the pool. :) The daughter was ironically totally fine.]

So apparently I was re-assuring the wrong person when we were watching the Abyss. :)

I think I should show the daughter Alien and Aliens next. :)

And talking to my office-mate, I realized that there are just too many movies that would be perfect for kids if they just left out the sex scenes. For instance, Splash is really cute, but because of the nudity and boob-age, and all the rampant sex, it's just not kid-safe. I can't remember if there's alot of swearing in it or not.

Shoot, even the cartoons aren't safe. All the death, and violence.

I told my office-mate about "The Pacifier". I thought it was adorable. But when I mentioned that yeah, the father in it gets killed, but you don't see it... well, the movie was out.

So I gave it some thought and realized the only movie I could think of that isn't a cartoon, and that might be kid-safe, is Napolean Dynamite. I think. I mean, there's no swearing. No nudity. There is some violence, in the form of shoving people around or throwing steaks at people. Or when the cow gets shot, although you don't see it, you just see the reaction of all the cute little kids in the school bus.

And there's this online relationship. Oh, and come to think of it, there's references to boob enhancers. Hmmm... ok, maybe that one isn't really kid-material either. Come to think of it, I can't remember the rating on it.

*SIGH*. One day we will have kids. I have to totally clean up my language. And I don't think we'll be watching much more of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, or Robot Chicken, at least not with the kids in the same room! :) And Family Guy is definitely out. Wow.

Please, tell me there's some kid-safe stuff out there that isn't going to bore the socks off me???


Anne Arkham said...

Half the kids movies out there are traumatizing. Bambi, for example.

Sith Snoopy said...

My Sister was upset to see Bambi's parent's die.

Most of the Disney movies have young people
who have lost their parents, or who are up
against purely evil people.

Ironically, the same parents I told you about just
took their 4 year old daughter to see War of the
Worlds. She liked it!

As I said, going to have to show her Alien and
Aliens. :) She seems like she'll definitely be
ready younger than I was!

indrax said...

Kids are pretty resilient.
Finding Nemo is pretty traumatic, pretty much all the way through. Drama is traumatic. You can't have suspense or real conflict unless there is the risk of death. You can't have believable risk of death unless someone dies once in a while. (the best move Star trek TNG made was killing off Tasha Yar. Nothing against her, but it let you know that main characters could die, not "You know Kirk is going to survive, he has to be in the next episode."
Point is, Story=conflict=death. Nobody dies in pokemon, but who cares?