Thursday, July 14, 2005

Sigh

So, I'm trying to fix this whole insomnia thing. I've tallied what I think is screwing me up.

1. Sinuses, stuffy nose, dry throat, post-nasal drip, keeping me from falling asleep, and waking me up coughing.

2. My biological clock is suited better to the island of Palau, which is north of Australia, east of the Philippines, and south-west of Guam. [I went scuba diving there. I think I finally got some decent rest.]

3. I sleep lightly. My husband's snoring, my snoring, the dogs making noises, or the dogs just STARING at me will wake me up.

4. I take stuff to help me sleep: stuff to shut up my sinuses and to make me groggy, to try to combat my screwed up biological clock. Unfortunately, anti-histamine's have a side effect that is similar to caffeine, i.e., you have to pee alot. This also wakes me up. [Either that or I'm just getting old. :P ]

5. As I said, I snore. Since I've often woken up with a headache, I'm beginning to wonder if I have sleep apnea.

6. When the sun comes up, my body can no longer fight off fatigue, or the anti-histamine. And the stuff that is either blooming at night, or that is sinking to the ground at night as the earth cools... whatever the heck that is setting my sinuses off at night, eases up. And I can rest.

7. Oh, yeah. My brain chatters. It's hard to shut it up in order to sleep.

If I try to tough it out, I am totally wasted and sleepy and useless all day. I can't keep my eyes open. Then, when night-time comes, no matter how bloody tired I am, I get my damned second wind.

If I give in and get more sleep, after the sun has risen, I run terribly late for work, and feel more and more like my life is out of control. But at least I can think at work. However, in order to get all 8 hours in, I end up working through lunch, and working into the evening. :P

My Mom has the same sleeping problems. My Sister told me that my Mom's Dad was also the exact same way.

I'm doomed.

Anyway, I am going onto this special diet that was created and/or managed by a medical clinic in town. I'm doing this because I'm sure being fat isn't helping... shoot, it contributes to snoring and sleep apnea.

And I'm going to go see a sleep doctor, and get wired up, so they can see what makes me tick at night.

And I'm going to go get tested to see what the heck I'm allergic to, and what is the best way to treat it... i.e., to go see if I need a prescription, as opposed to doing the over-the-counter thing.

Finally, I've been seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist... originally for my sleep problems, but it ended up becoming all about getting my OCD treated, and hashing out stuff I'm mad at my parent's for. But last time I saw the shrink I told him I was still having big problems. Next time I see him he's giving me sleeping pills... I stupidly told him last time that I wanted to talk to the psychologist first about ways to help myself sleep at night. That was a month ago, and I haven't been able to see her... the original appointment got cancelled, and the replacement appointment... well, I overslept and skipped it so I could get more hours in at work. :P

So the next time I see my shrink, I'm getting a ton of bloody sleeping pills.

I'm going to get healthy sleep if it kills me. Ghrrrr.

I'm going to lose weight and be a healthier person. It is GOING to happen.

Sigh.

I will not start making soap and forming an army! I will not become Ed Norton of fight club! Ghrrrrrrrrrr.

Anyway, I am tired of disappointing myself. I'm tired of not being the person I want to be. I don't want to be a night person. I don't want to be fat. I want to be on time at work, and wake up energetic and rested instead of wiped out and still so tired I can't see straight.

Ok, that's my rant for the night. :P

5 comments:

Anne Arkham said...

I have the same problem with my sinuses, my husband's snoring, and with medication. I'm usually on some sort of psych drug (I suffer from nun-kicking, bunny-stomping depression) and a zillion different meds to keep my nose semi-open. I wonder if they all don't make things worse.

On sleep apnea: my Dad has sleep apnea. He has to sleep with a machine that blows air into his lungs. He wears a mask, and it's attached by a hose to a unit next to his bed. It works pretty well unless the cats are sitting on the hose.

Seeker said...

Perhaps it's the "Crusher" that's causing this.

Sith Snoopy said...

Seeker,
Shit, I recently read about the "Crusher", i.e., what
the meaning of Nightmare used to be, where mare
was actually a word meaning "crush" in some
language. So often people will have these weird
dream experiences where they sense something
evil enter the room, they see/feel it sit on their
chest, and they have problems breathing. But they
can't move. Then suddenly they can move, and they
get the heck off the bed and/or sit up, whatever.

I do remember something like this once. Although
my Sister's black German Shepherd dog Myca was
my hero and more like a brother than a dog (a big
brother: he took good care of me), I had one dream
where a black dog (that at first I thought was Myca)
came running up the stairs, growling, and straight
into my room, to jump onto my bed and look down
on me.

And then I woke up, and thought that was totally
weird, since Myca loves me, and I love him.

Anne,
A friend of mine gave me the name of the guy he
went to that told him he's got sleep apnea. And
yes, he's breathing at night now using the positive
air-flow device. Totally kicks ass.

I think he's still going to have surgery so he doesn't
have to use the breathing gear at night.

I will very happily sleep with gear strapped to my
face in order to be able to breath at night! Shoot,
just being able to sleep on my back is going to
rock. [I usually try to sleep on my side or stomach
as this position keeps the tongue from sliding back
and closing air passages. It seems to be a little
easier on me.]

I will also probably head straight for the
surgery, though, as soon as they can remove
everything that's blocking anything. Am hoping
it has the cool side effect of allowing my eustachian
to drain better, and hopefully allow me to clear my
ears more consistently: I'm a diver, or I was anyway.
I haven't gotten back into the water since a vacation
in 2003 with 82 degree water! :) [It's a little hard
to get back into 55 to 65 degree water after that!]

Anyway, thanks for checking in. :) I guess you
recognized my handle from my comments on
your site and CBB's... yes, I FINALLY got off my
ass and got my own blog. What can I say: where
else can you vent and also hopefully make other
people laugh?

Got to work on that laughter thing. :)

Anne, I hope you are doing well. I'm very sorry
about the depression. I have OCD and depression
and meds for both. But the whole sleeping problem
has been making me somehow be depressed even
if I feel like I can't feel the emotions. Does that
make sense? It's like having a broken bone, that
although the pain killers are keeping you from
feeling, you just somehow still know it's broken.

Weird. Anyone else ever feel like they were still
depressed but just couldn't feel it? Or is it just some
sort of psychosis I should add to my list of strange
ailments?? ;)

Anne, I have to say this again: your interview with
Darth Vader? That still totally rocks my world. :)

Sith Snoopy said...

Wow. I do ramble, don't I? ;)

Anne Arkham said...

Of course I recognize you!

I am terrified of surgery; afraid of being knocked out, and afraid of being cut; but I'm sleeping and breathing so poorly that I'm ready to look it. And, yeah, I think that messed-up sleep patterns are helping throwing off my brain chemistry.