Sunday, July 01, 2007

Stress I forgot, and more recent Stress.

Forgot a couple of things with my last post, plus a few new things happened.

So, a few weeks ago, it felt like my bright red car must be fracking invisible or something.

I had an elderly couple in the clinic's parking lot try to back up into my car. I honked, and got out of the way.

In the grocery store parking lot, someone else tried to back up into me. Another honk and move out of the way scenario. WTF? Is it open season on pregnant women and their cars or something?

Then, the big one. Some dude driving a truck with wooden slats up the sides of the cargo area did a left onto the street I drive on, when going to and from work. He didn't see me, and was basically going to attempt something I knew from my Physics classes would be impossible: to occupy the same location of space as I was!

I pulled to the right, trying to find a space between the parked cars, honking madly, and hoped no bicycles were on my right at that exact moment.

The guy pulled over to the left, double-parking, pointed the wrong way, and stayed put. Thankfully, no one was coming from either direction. It was then I realized he was shook up. And I immediately felt better about the situation, 'cause he obviously wasn't trying to be a dick: he was upset that he'd almost hit me, probably more shook up that I was at that moment.

I pulled alongside him. He looked apologetic and upset. I smiled and mouthed that it was ok. I drove to the stoplight, into the left-turn lane. He drove up into the right turn lane. We repeated the exchange, and then I mimed my reaction when he had spooked me. Then grinned. He and I both laughed, he turned right, I turned left.

It sounds really stupid, but that 3rd near-miss made me feel really good. It was like a confirmation of the general goodness of most of mankind, you know? This guy CARED about what almost happened, cared that he almost hurt me. It made me CARE about his feelings, made me want him to know that I knew he didn't mean it. That I was ok, that I had no hard feelings over what was obviously a mistake. No harm, no foul.

Really stupid, but I was glad it happened. No-one was hurt, and it felt really good to have such a positive interaction with a complete stranger.

Ok, so that was the good stressor, LOL. ;)

The other thing that happened was yet another stressor at work. I can't elaborate, so I'll just say that I felt caught between two people and something person A did that person B wouldn't have liked. I ended up letting it go. :P I felt like I should have called person B, but person A did email person B about what he was going to do. It's just that person B wasn't at work that day. But I mostly learned about what was going on after person A had already done it.

I was caught between feeling bad person B hadn't been truly forewarned ahead of time, that he was going to read about it when he got back to work the next day. And also caught between feeling that, if I did call him, I'd be ratting out person A. It's not my job to police my co-workers, you know? And person B sometimes shoots the messenger... not intentionally, but I didn't really feel emotionally up to hearing him vent all over me because of what person A was doing. Of course, I then worried about if person B found out I knew and didn't call him... ick. I guess I was doomed to being stressed out either way.

I need to quit letting myself get so worked up over things at work. It's not healthy for me right now. Well, it's never healthy, but now I have a baby to think about.

The final thing that happened recently was something I really need to keep from getting caught up in.

My Mom and my Sister are REALLY good about worrying about each other. If my Sister doesn't answer the phone at night, my Mom worries that she's outside, in the snow, stuck under something heavy, and slowing freezing to death. My Sister has horses and dogs, and feeds the horses in the evenings. Dogs too, but they are inside at night.

Well, if my Sister doesn't hear from our parents over the phone for a while, she worries that something bad happened to them.

And that's what happened. My Sister talked to my Mom on a Thursday. Mom said that Dad hadn't gotten up at his normal time in the morning... he'd slept in unusually late. His schedule at work has been a little weird. I think my Mom was talking to my Sister Thursday night when she said that. Then she said that she was going to go check on Dad, and hung up. My Sister tried to call her back Thursday night I think, but Mom didn't answer.

Friday morning, my Sister tried calling Mom again. No answer. So, around noon, my Sister calls me.

My Sister lives out of state. I live in the same city as our parents.

She tells me what she knows. Asks me to check on our parents. And tells me not to drive too fast!

Our Dad is in his 80's, Mom in her late 70's. Yeah, I know: my Dad is in his 80's, and he's still working?? Well, they need the money. :P

I get off the phone. I'm now thinking that maybe Dad died in his sleep Thursday night, and Mom had a heart attack when she found him. After all, Mom has congestive heart failure. She's got a pacemaker to keep her heart beating enough, and meds to keep her heart from beating too much. Dad's in really good shape for an 80+ year old, but still...

Or, one or both of them needed to go to the hospital, and they haven't called me, because they are afraid I will have a miscarriage from the shock.

Yes, I went along for the worry-trip. Like an idiot.

I had taken a shower. I was on my way, really late, into work. I stopped to brush my teeth, and grab a few things I might need with me in case I wasn't going to be coming home for a while. I figured I could spare 10 extra minutes: if one or both had died last night, my getting there 10 minutes early wasn't exactly going to give me a chance to perform CPR. :P And if this was a false alarm, well, I'd have clean teeth for work, LOL!

Do I sound like I was pretty calm about it? Well, I was upset, but not as upset as I might have been 10 years ago. When your parents are up there in age, you begin to accept that eventually, you're going to get THAT phone call. You don't like it, but you can't keep worrying about it all the time. It's better to live and enjoy the present then dread the future, you know?

I rubbed my stomach and told the baby that he/she might not get to meet her grandparents on her mother's side. Sigh.

I put the doggies and their water outside, gave them both loving pets, and drove in the direction of my parents and work. Both are in the same direction.

Now that I was on the road, I called my Mom on my cell. Mom answered!

"You ok?"


"Is Dad ok?"


"Uhm, you might want to call Sister..."

I don't know if my Sister tried to call Mom and Dad back Thursday night or not. I do know that Mom and Dad had a little argument, and that Mom slept even poorer than normal because of it. [She has insomnia.] So Friday morning Mom didn't hear the phone ringing in the family room. And the portable phone, which was near her bed, isn't doing so well. And Dad, if he's on a normal work schedule, leaves really early, and so never heard any phones.

So Mom slept through my Sister's attempts to wake her. But my Sister also called my Dad's cell phone. No answer. I figure that Dad must have left his cell in the car again!

Anyway, for the 2nd or 3rd time, I went on my Sister's worry-trip. Bleah. I keep doing this, and doing this... going on my Sister's worry-trips, or my Mom's worry-trips. The only trips I haven't gone on have been my Dad's worry-trips. He rarely has them, but he did have a doozy about 2 or 3 years ago. I didn't go on that one, thankfully.

I drove to work, sat down to write code, and tried to relax and lower my blood pressure. I had an ObGyn appointment later that day... I was afraid what my blood pressure was going to look like when I got there. :P

My husband's theory of life leans more to the "no news is good news" idea. I.E., if he hasn't heard from his folks in a while, he doesn't necessarily assume the worst.

I'm trying to lean towards his way of thinking. So that, next time this happens, I just assume that my Mom didn't hear the phone. Or that the cell phones aren't charged. Or that they are too busy to answer the phone. Ditto for my Sister, if she hasn't called back in the last 12 hours. I figure the limit is 24 hours, then you can get concerned.

Admittedly, my Sister never said the words that they could be dead or in the hospital. The worry was apparent in her voice, but she didn't necessarily assume the worst. Then again, asking me to drive over there does kindof assume the worst. I.E., other people might have waited until Friday evening before they worried because someone wasn't answering the phone or calling them back. Maybe.

I don't know.

Just tired of it.

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