Last night (Sunday) I ran out of steam and took a nap from 5pm to 7pm. Got up, then had one of those nesting spurts. Ellie's crate top is now doubling as the baby's changing station, and the basinet is now also on my side of the bed. The baby diaper genie thing is setup. Weeee! Progress.
Still want to clean and place a bookcase on my side of the bedroom. The baby diaper genie and the trash can need to be on the top shelf. When you have German Shepherds, or any other LARGE dog, it's a good idea to put the trash cans high up out of doggie nose range.
That is, unless you like having things like bloody tampons and snot-filled crumpled kleenex's spread around the floor, vigorously chewed on. ;)
Got to midnight, and remembered I hadn't taken my prenatal meds yet. Ick. Have to be upright for at least a half hour after taking them. So, took them, then sat up.
Had an ObGyn appointment in the morning. Wanted hubby to come with me, as he's taking time off his job right now anyway. Otherwise, he wasn't going to get to see her (ObGyn) until the birth.
Told hubby I'd be in bed in a little bit. Then he came out of the bedroom a few minutes later, with stomach cramps. Poor guy was NOT feeling well. He sat up with me, played Guitar Hero, ran to the bathroom a few times. Then we both headed for bed by 1am-ish.
Of course, my pregger heartburn kicked in. And my sinuses kept closing up or bleeding due to the pregnancy and lack of moisture in the air. And yet, the post-nasal drip was in fine form, threatening to go down the wrong pipe and make me cough. Oh, and I was also a little stressed about waking up early enough to make it to the ObGyhn. Short story, barely slept all night long.
At around 5:30am, I got up to pee, and read a little. It was almost 6am. Realized if I tried to go back to sleep then, I wouldn't be able to get up by 7am to make it to the ObGyn. [Wanted to leave with breakfast having been eaten, dogs fed, fingers pricked... and wanted to have left the house by 8:30am-ish to make sure I made it in time to do the lovely peeing in a cup thing.] So gave up and go up, checked email, let dogs out, fed dogs, pricked fingers, fed me, checked more email, waiting 1 hour, pricked fingers, hit the shower, and left on time but dead tired. Left hubby in bed. He was wiped out from his food poisoning. Told him I had fed and watered the dogs. Got a mumbled response in the affirmative.
Made it before 9am for my 9:15am appointment with my ObGyn. Due to the long 4 day weekend, she was backed up with phone calls and other emergencies. So they got me into the exam room sometime around 10:40am. Yikes! Sat there, with no pants, and one of those flimsy paper-lap-covers to maintain my modesty. 10:45am... the nurse comes in. My ObGyn had to run to the hospital to supervise a C-section. She should be back in "15 minutes". I look at the nurse like she's on drugs... 15 minutes? Nah... 30 minimum to run over there, scrub up, get into smock etc., do the job, take all that stuff off, talk to the patient, and run back. Probably more like 45 minutes.
I kept thinking I should pee again while I had the chance, but was afraid of being in the bathroom when my ObGyn came back! I knew she was going to be horribly late all day, and didn't want to contribute to that, for her sake and the sake of the rest of her patients. Was given the chance to see a nurse practitioner instead, but considering I was running 5 days late on the due date, felt like I should talk to the doctor directly.
I asked the nurse to hand me my cell phone, and texted my husband about the delay. Didn't want to wake him, but if he was up, didn't want him worrying.
At 11:35am he called me as he was worrying and hadn't seen the text message, so was glad I'd asked the nurse to hand me the cell.
Sometime around 11:40am my ObGyn was back! Over the course of the hour I had sat there, I had figured out exactly how much out of synch my watch, my cell phone, and the clock on the exam room phone were. And I had discovered that, when you are pregnant and running on somewhere between 2 and 4 hours sleep, you CAN become mesmerized watching a clock slowly change. "Oh, wow... the minute changed again."
I would have just laid back on the exam table, but pregger heartburn doesn't do horizontal real well. And I was having it pretty badly that morning.
ObGyn was very apologetic when she got back. I was just very happy to finally see her, LOL! [And thinking that I maybe need to find a slightly less popular ObGyn, LOL!]
So, she found the baby's heart beat. Still good. And then she looked under the hood. And discovered I was 1 centimeter dilated. Could be tonight, could be a week from now. Water not broken.
Let me tell you something about having your cervix checked for dilation. If it's not dilated, no big deal. If it is, the person checking it is going to stick their finger (or more fingers) in it to guestimate how dilated you are.
I wasn't expecting the finger IN the cervix. Kindof like the Spanish Inquisition. Or at least, I wasn't expecting what it would feel like.
When she put that finger in there, I levitated off the exam table! If she wanted me to move to the left, or right, or to start revealing national secrets, I would have been all over it. I felt like a cow with a nose ring being led around! :) And I yiped.
It didn't exactly hurt that bad or anything... it was just REALLY unexpected, LOL! She held my hand with her free hand while she finished poking around. I didn't really need that, but I think in part it was so she could keep me from squirming away from her hand while she kept poking and prodding, LOL!
So, she told me the news. 1 centimeter. Water not broken. Today, tomorrow, a week from now. That everything was ok. I had told her about not sleeping well the night before, and that I had had heartburn. And that I had also had bad heartburn while sitting in the waiting room and exam room. Ick. Didn't think to bring Tums with me, and no-one in the office had any... normally don't get the heartburn in the AM.
My ObGyn told me that, if I felt like I was miserable enough, we could induce tonight!!!
I was SO tired. I way more wanted to sleep than to have the baby tonight, LOL! "Nope, not miserable enough yet." :) Anyway, still want to give the kid a chance to make it out in his own time.
I asked my husband when I got home if he thought he was miserable enough, LOL! I mean, this was affecting him too, although not on such a personally physical level. He said he was fine, it was up to me. :)
I have 3 doctors appointments with the dude with the sophisticated ultrasound equipment: Wednesday, Friday, and next Monday Dec 3rd. Basically to make sure that the kid still has enough amniotic fluid, and is doing ok while cooking extra long. And another appointment with my ObGyn next Monday, December 3rd. If the kid hasn't come out by then, induction will be the evening of December 3rd.
Hear that, kid? You have a deadline!!! :)
So, crawled out of there. Per ObGyn, picked up some Zantac for the heartburn. Forgot to get some Ocean nasal drops... apparently the drops work better than the spray for lubricating dry pregger noses, and I think what I have at home is the spray. Picked up a few more items. Drove through McD's. Drove home. Felt sorta... violated... LOL. Took shower. Then reheated McD's, ate lunch. Pricked fingers. Crawled into bed at 2:30pm-ish. Turned off phone. Husband fielded phone calls, and woke me up at 6pm. We went out to dinner with his parents at Outback. Had a terrible time trying to wake up, LOL! But finally did. Dinner was very nice. :)
And now, we're back home. And yes, I'm STILL PREGNANT, LOL!
Discovered this afternoon that husband hadn't really registered that I'd fed the dogs. When he crawled out of bed at 11:30am, the dogs were pushing their bowls around, and convinced him they were wasting away. Guess what, dogs? No dinner for you tonight, LOL!!! Little sneaks. ;)
Tomorrow I intend to sleep late, then do some nesting. Maybe, if I have energy, will try to tackle the thank you notes FINALLY. I am majorly overdue on those, and I don't know how much I'll feel up to doing them after Logan arrives. But definitely need to finish unpacking the last few items for Logan's room, and put some bedding away.
Anyway, if Logan doesn't arrive on his own, he should be here sometime around December 3rd or 4th. Weeeee..... :)
Oh, I forgot! Guys, thanks for your encouragement in your comments on my prior post. :) You guys rock. :)
Monday, November 26, 2007
11/26/2007 6 am -- Still pregnant
The baby was due 11/21/2007.
As of 11/26/2007, 6 am, I am still pregnant.
When that changes, will let you know. Until then, will just keep updating this single blog post with the latest date/time at which I'm still preggers. :)
As of 11/26/2007, 6 am, I am still pregnant.
When that changes, will let you know. Until then, will just keep updating this single blog post with the latest date/time at which I'm still preggers. :)
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Countdown delayed...
Well, I am still pregnant.
Today, Wednesday, 11/21/2007, is my due date. Or at least, we're a little over 3 hours into my due date. Couldn't sleep, was having some heartburn, so got up to read Dooce and also post an update. :)
Sunday during the day I briefly wondered, while in the "throne room", if what I had, 'er, just "done" was pee or squirt a little bit of amniotic fluid out. I found out last week that if I break my water, I have to go in to the hospital first thing... no waiting for contractions to start. I'll need to be on IV antibiotics for strep-B germs "down there", to keep them from hurting our son. Once my water breaks, he's no longer protected from them in the womb. :P
Well, as I said, I couldn't tell whether I'd just peed or had a little amniotic fluid leak out while on the throne. Just wasn't quite sure. Nothing more came out when I left the throne room, so decided to let it go for now. I.E., I wasn't dribbling anything more out while in a non-peeing mode, so...
But this did spook me enough to finish up packing at least my bags for the hospital trip. I need to wash a few more things before the baby's bags are packed. Sigh. Although really, all I probably need to take to the hospital for him is going to be the car seat, the clothes he will wear home, and a blanket. I think the hospital will take care of everything else.
Sunday night I took Tylenol PM as I had a 1pm appointment Monday with my ObGyn, and was afraid, if I didn't have help falling asleep, that when I finally did fall asleep, I wouldn't get up until WELL AFTER MY APPOINTMENT WAS OVER. This was a valid fear... some days I don't drag my ass out of bed until 2pm. I'd blame pregger exhaustion, but honestly, left to my own devices, I become VERY nocturnal.
The dogs are really confused about their varying mealtimes. Sometimes their breakfast is at 2 or 2:30pm, and on days I have "early" appointments, their breakfast could be 9 or 10am. Thankfully, they are fairly flexible dogs. Well, they've had to be, living with two computer geeks. :)
Well, anyway, Sunday night/Monday morning, I kept waking up having cramps. They felt like regular ol' menstrual cramps. Kinda freaked me out. They weren't anything horrifically painful, and so while lying there, decided, "screw it, I'm going to get some more sleep", and passed back out. When it started to get light, I got up, let the dogs out, peed, and drank some water. The water seemed to help, whereupon I wasn't having any cramps that I could sense. My tummy would go hard like a basketball occasionally, but afterwards it would relax. And it wasn't hurting. And I didn't notice that it was hard unless I put my hand on it to check it.
So once again, decided upon more sleep.
Got up finally. Fed dogs. Got cleaned up. Grabbed my 2 bags for the hospital and -- just in case -- shoved them into my trunk. If it turned out my ObGyn said that my water HAD broken, or that I WAS in labor, or WAS dilated, I wanted to be able to head straight for the hospital.
Just to make matters interesting, that Monday morning I was constipated and then, nauseated. And then I had the runs. Hmmm. Wondered once more if maybe Monday was going to be our son's birthday, considering my body was acting really weird.
Well, all my fears were for naught. Per my ObGyn:
1. My water hadn't broken.
2. I wasn't dilated.
3. The contractions were probably just "practice" contractions for the real thing.
My son is still very much NOT ready to leave his nice, warm, wet abode. He likes it in there. My nausea was probably due to the fact that I was hungry, even IF I didn't feel any hunger.
So... I drove to Longs, picked up a bunch of travel bottles of stuff that I might need at the hospital, drove to McD's to have food that is bad for me but makes me feel better, and then crawled home.
And was pretty much done for the day, LOL!
I've since wondered if the Tylenol PM made the cramps come on, due to perhaps the Tylenol PM making me a little dehydrated. Either that, or it was just time for practice cramps.
Pregnancy is just a totally weird experience.
Talked to a friend today who told me that when she had her 2nd baby, she was in labor and DIDN'T KNOW IT. She was having menstrual-like cramps that she was able to easily deal with. She went into the hospital to get checked out, and found out she was already 4 centimeters dilated! Whereupon, it was time to send her to the delivery room.
I'm not sure if I'll have the same experience. My Mom had menstrual cramps so bad that she had to take codeine or other high-powered meds in order to be able to function. And one time, she had a miscarriage w/o even realizing she was pregnant... and almost died from blood loss. She'd been lying down, doped up on codeine as the pain was exactly like her normal menstrual cramps... i.e., she thought she was having a period, and not a miscarriage. And unknown to her, she was slowly bleeding to death. Her first husband pulled back the blanket to discover that fact. Almost didn't make it to the hospital in time to stop the bleeding.
I had bad cramps as a teenager. Had to use heavy meds at first. Then figured out I could take the worst of the edge off the pain with a little more Advil than the recommended dosage. And it was all good.
After I was on the pill for a while, my periods got much milder. Still needed Advil to cope, but wasn't anything at all as painful as when I was a teenager.
So, I'm a little confused as to what to expect now as far as levels of pain when I first start REAL contractions.
ObGyn told me that when I was having real contractions, I'd know. But my friend didn't know. But then again, if I start having menstrual-like pain that makes me flash back to being a teenager, I think that will be a REALLY GOOD CLUE, LOL!
As I said, being pregnant is a really weird experience!
This whole thing has taught me to have alot more respect for mothers and fathers in general. Their role in life isn't an easy one. They have both the worries of screwing up their kid after the kid is born, as well as the whole physical problems during the pregnancy. Although, in general, the man mostly just has psychological discomfort during his wife's pregnancy... brought on by his wife driving him crazy due to her physical discomfort. ;)
I've tried to not drive my husband too crazy during my pregnancy. There are a few things I wish he'd do differently now that I'm close to the end of the pregnancy. I'm sure there's stuff he wishes I'd do differently... pregnancy or no pregnancy, LOL! It's a challenge to try not to make things harder than they already are.
Anyway, as I said, baby's not ready to move out of his waterlogged apartment yet. So, will keep you all posted when that changes. :)
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Week 39 update
So, yesterday, Wednesday, was the end of 39 weeks. 6 days to go and I'm due to deliver.
Heh. Guess I'd better hurry up and pack my bag and my son's bag, LOL!
Monday night/Tuesday morning was kindof rough. A friend/co-worker has a 9 month old son who has been in the hospital most of his short life. His son was in the children's ward of a hospital in a town about an hour to 2 hours drive away. Let's call the son baby "C".
So C needed heart surgery. He didn't have enough arteries to his heart, and although he was getting by, it would cause him problems later. And he was being fed through a tube directly into his stomach, because he couldn't swallow well, and would aspirate food or stomach acid. And his lungs were kindof iffy... sometimes he would have low oxygen saturation levels that couldn't entirely be explained. And the poor kid kept catching infections, probably in part because of all the medical intervention... all the tests that involved sticking tubes into the poor guy's throat, etc., in order to take a look at things and try to figure out what was wrong with him.
I'd been keeping up on how he was doing on a web page that was provided by the hospital he was staying at. Baby C's parents updated it fairly often.
Baby C's parents took turns staying down at the hospital. While one was at the hospital, the other was in town working, and taking care of their 3 year old daughter.
Monday morning baby C was scheduled to finally have his heart surgery. He seemed really stable, like his lungs were doing ok and like he was in good enough health to finally have the surgery and hopefully be able to go home with his family soon. I was excited to read that, and hopeful everything would go well. Baby C was such a trooper, as were his parents.
Monday night/Tuesday morning I read the latest update on the web page. Baby C didn't make it. He had complications with his lungs during the surgery, and died.
I read it about at 2am Tuesday. Cried buckets. Posted my comments on the web page, i.e., how sorry I was, etc. Then emailed work to forewarn them, so they could do what they could for C's dad, who works at my company.
Then I posted something about it on Tribe. And after crying some more, I flipped channels on TV trying to calm myself down. As much as I wanted to grieve, it wouldn't do me or my unborn son any good for me to let myself be all upset about it.
Tuesday at 5am I crawled into bed. I also ate 2 prunes just before doing so, as I've been fighting off pregger constipation. Sometime around 6am I fell asleep.
Tuesday morning, 8am, I got up. Had a major poo, but had to push to get it out. Then thought I had caused a contraction from all my pushing. And maybe also from my emotional upset over baby C. Oops...
Crawled back into bed, drank some water, and worried for a little bit. The "contraction" wasn't all that painful. And afterwards, all I felt was Braxton Hicks contractions, which aren't painful for me. I could only tell I was having them by feeling my belly, and thus knowing it was going from "hard basketball" to "soft volleyball". :)
I was told if I had 4 contractions an hour, I should go to the hospital. I thought about it. I REALLY didn't want to go.
When people go through a traumatic experience, the best thing for them is to sleep. It helps all sorts of things. Lets their minds process what's happened. If I went to the hospital, I was only going to get more stressed out. I wasn't having anything like painful contractions. Screw it. I put my head back on the pillow, and passed out.
It's hard to deal with the death of a little child. It never feels like it makes any sense. And, as an expectant mother, it was messing with me. Why did God take baby C away? Would He take my baby away, too?
Had to remind myself, even God went through this. He lost His Son. Admittedly, it was planned and necessary. And both Father and Son were in agreement over what had to happen. [Though neither liked the price that had to be paid. Jesus even asked His Father if the "cup" could be taken away from Him, but still, to have God's will be done over the matter.]
Reminding myself of that... and that God empathizes with our pain... made it easier. And made me a little less worried that God was going to be taking my baby next.
So, baby C is having his funeral on Friday. I don't think I'll be going... have too much going on at home, and not sure it's a good idea. Sounds like a little more stress than I should be putting myself through. Much like Scarlett O'Hara, I need to "think about baby C" another day. Gotta concentrate on my unborn son.
Tuesday, after sleeping in until 2 or 3pm, I crawled out of bed, fed the dogs, fed myself, got cleaned up, and headed down for my flu shot. Weeeee.... ;)
Wednesday I took it extremely easy. Didn't want to feel anything like a real contraction again until my son is really supposed to come out.
Thursday, i.e., today, was extremely busy. 9:20am ObGyn appointment, where the doctor told me that I hadn't had a "REAL" contraction Tuesday morning. And that, if I had had a real contraction, I'd know it, LOL! And that my unborn son was still hanging out in the womb, head down, and that other than a softening of the cervix on the vaginal side, there was no evidence that my son was coming out early, LOL! He's still happy to hang out for the long haul. :)
I had a 10:45am appointment with my psychiatrist. But before that, I needed something to eat, as I was STARVING. I rushed through McD's, scarfed food on the drive back to my shrink, and made it to the correct block in time... to see that there was NO parking allowed on the side of the street where my shrink is for about 3 blocks. Tree-cutting. No parking on the opposite side, as everyone and their dog was parked there. Did a few circles and finally found a place to park. Now I was late. I waddled my pregger body as fast as I could, short of running. [Running when you are 6 days from delivery is a bad idea, LOL!] Hit the crosswalk button. Car on my left decided to turn right in front of me when the light turned green, and when the crosswalk also said it was safe to go. I stayed on the sidewalk, muttering "Yeah, that's right, bitch. Ignore the pregnant woman." Mutter mutter mutter... I crossed the street, made it to my appointment. Shrink was running late too. Whew. Had a good talk with the people in the front office while waiting.
My shrink is a really sweet guy. We were both laughing as he's going to be in for shoulder surgery on my due date: we'd both be all doped up during Thanksgiving, LOL.
He talked a bit about baby C with me. As part of his getting his credentials, he got to work in different departments of the hospital. He said pediatrics was the hardest. Watching little kids be so sick and suffer... it got to him. So he totally understood how I was feeling.
Then we talked about, of all things, trying to feed my baby every 3 hours during the day so he'd be more inclined to sleep more during the night, LOL! And about how, once a baby is deeply asleep, it can be VERY HARD to get him/her to wake up for that scheduled feeding, LOL! His description of trying to get his own son to wake up during the day for a feeding was hysterical. :)
My shrink also told me to just try to enjoy this time as much as possible, to see the humor in all of it. Whereupon I replied, "I guess you've never read my blog!" ;)
So, appointment #2 done, LOL.
Drove to where I'd had my flu shot Tuesday. I'd forgotten to give them the "recommended donation". They were really appreciative of my coming back, and also remembered me talking about baby C! Whoa. Good memory! Heh.
It was only a few blocks from my shrink to where they were doing flu shots, so it wasn't that big a deal for me to go back. :) And it was the right thing to do.
Then did errands:
Pet store for 2 dog harnesses, so I could belt the dogs in to my car. Letting them run amok in the back seat with my son in a baby seat back there didn't sound like a good idea. They wouldn't intentionally try to hurt him, but they probably would step on the poor kid, LOL!
Orchard Supply Hardware for some cleaning tools. Wanted some empty squirt bottles so I could make some low-concentration bleach, or alcohol, or vinegar sprays. Trying to find some stuff that would be fairly safe to use to clean surfaces our son is going to be lying up against. Also got some more cleaning supplies and stuff...
Staples for stamps (I REALLY need to get those thank you notes out, LOL!), and for cardboard boxes to pack up all my Vampire and other children-inappropriate books that are still stored in our baby's future room. [Somehow I think he's a little young yet to be reading Anne Rice. :) ]
And gas.
Got home at 1:30pm. Cleaners hadn't been here yet. Whew! That meant the bathroom was available... I wouldn't be interrupting them cleaning it if I asked if I could pee. Heh... my bladder just gets smaller and smaller. Peed. Fed dogs. Realized I was going to DROP. Slept from 2pm to 5pm, with a couple of phone call interruptions. [Cleaners needed to postpone until Friday, Mother-in-Law checking in from Arizona to make sure the kid hadn't popped out yet, LOL. :) ]
So that's been my week so far.
Oh, with one more ironic thing: I got a letter from the EDD saying that my disability had been disapproved because they hadn't been given the amount of sick time I was going to be using! Hmph... well, there's the start of the pre-partum time until when I actually deliver, which is predicted to be November 21st, but that's really up to God. Then... let's see... if there's no complications, then 6 weeks from the birth for post-partum. If C-section, then 8 weeks from birth. If really bad complications, who the heck knows. Then there's the 6 weeks on top of that to "bond" with our baby son. So basically, damned if I know. Like I can predict this??? Granted, I had a feeling I was pregnant in the beginning, and a feeling that our son was going to stay in at least until the due date, but those are just moments of female intuition!!! Yeesh.
Did the EDD *MISS* the information that says this is all about maternity leave??
Harrumph. Looks like I have a couple or 3 phone calls to make tomorrow on top of the list of calls I already have in my queue. I think this is a miscommunication between either my ObGyn and the EDD or my company and the EDD. Or SDI and EDD. Not sure whom I need to complain to, LOL!
Well, that explains why I haven't gotten a check yet under SDI. GREAT.... Good thing I was trying to stash away a little cash prior to taking maternity leave.
Oh, yeah. And my Mom is freaking out and thinking she isn't physically capable of taking care of the baby when I go back to work. Which I kinda wondered about anyway, because of Mom's congestive heart failure. The recent freak out is because she had a "bad week" with her congestive heart failure. And I can totally understand that making her worry if she's really up to taking care of our son. But at the same time, hubby and I are both thinking she'll calm down about and change her mind next week, LOL. :)
And the other bad news: the girlfriend of a friend of ours is missing. She took off when she heard some upsetting news. She was in rehab for a while, then came to live with our friend and also live with her Mom, to finish detoxing. But now, as of Monday, she's un-locatable. Which probably means she's using again. Sigh. I really wish she'd completed her full stay at the rehab place instead of leaving early. Leaving early was really a mistake for her... she needed the full treatment time, far away from temptation, with professionals who could deal with what she's going through. I'm worried about her, and about our friend. Not much I can do about it.
And before you think of it, our friend would not have provided her with temptation. Far from it. It's just that, being out of rehab, she's back where she can make contact with people who could get her drugs. And am afraid that's exactly what's happened... that she's back under the influence. Sigh.
The good news: went out to dinner with hubby and one of his co-workers. Had an awesome time talking shit. And our friend's sister works at the restaurant, so got to talk to her as well, and hear about her 3 pregnancies, LOL. :) Basically it was just really nice to be outside just to chill, and have some real food.
I have to say, I'm developing quite a few acquaintances at the various clinics I've had to go to throughout this pregnancy, LOL! I think I mentioned once before that the phlebotomy department at one place wants me to bring our son by after he's born, LOL! Well, so does my shrink. :) It's cracking me up... I'm used to having friends at work, but having all these acquaintances at my various doctor's offices?!?!? :)
Oh, another thing about baby C. I had been keeping my parents up to date on his condition for most of his life. That way they could pray for him, and have their Bible Study also pray for him.
I was a sick little kid growing up... nothing as bad as baby C, but still some things were predicted -- that thank God, never came to pass -- that scared the crap out of my Mom at least. Dad I think wasn't so scared... he was maybe partly in denial, and unwilling to accept any of the scary predictions until they actually happened. I did nearly die my first year, due to my puny immune system. But here I am now, basically a normal 39 year old, having (thank God!) a reasonably healthy pregnancy.
There's what doctor's predict, and there's what God says will happen. God trumps doctors every time.
Anyway, my Mom had been identifying alot with baby C because of her experience with me being so sickly as a little kid, and all my hospital visits. So here I was, with this bad news. I'd already taken it pretty hard... how hard would Mom take it?!?!? I decided to put off telling her. Emailed my Sister about it.
Well, ironically, my Sister was on the phone with our Mom while my Sister was reading the email I sent her. My Sister read the email to our Mom before she got to the point where I said, "I dread telling Mom about this", LOL! So Mom got to hear about it, got to get her crying out with Dad, and pray over it. And was basically ok with it by the time I next spoke to her!
I was HORRENDOUSLY grateful to my Sister, LOL! Even if she only told Mom on accident! :)
So, thinking about what happened to baby C also made me think of what if I died during the birth. I'd be leaving my poor husband w/o a wife, and my son w/o a mother. And what would this do to my parents? I was pretty sure my Husband and my Sister would survive the loss. But not so certain of my parents. It would probably kill my Mom... whereupon Dad would die from the shock of losing both Mom and me. Sigh.
I found myself hoping my Sister could tell my parents about my death, too, and take it out of my hands. I wasn't sure I could handle how they would react to it.
Whereupon... yeah... hee-hee. :) Realized it wouldn't really be in my hands in the first place. And got the stupid giggles. :)
Addendum:
My ObGyn's office talked to the EDD office, and straightened it all out. The guy at the EDD office even called me just to verify my home address for sending the checks! And he was INTELLIGENT, and COMPASSIONATE, LOL! And very concerned that I'd been stressed out by the decline letter. [I was a little stressed about it last night, but by this morning, realized it would just probably take some phone calls to fix it.]
So, I can still afford to be on Maternity Leave! Yea!!!!!!! :)
Anything negative I've said about government workers I have to take back, LOL. :)
Heh. Guess I'd better hurry up and pack my bag and my son's bag, LOL!
Monday night/Tuesday morning was kindof rough. A friend/co-worker has a 9 month old son who has been in the hospital most of his short life. His son was in the children's ward of a hospital in a town about an hour to 2 hours drive away. Let's call the son baby "C".
So C needed heart surgery. He didn't have enough arteries to his heart, and although he was getting by, it would cause him problems later. And he was being fed through a tube directly into his stomach, because he couldn't swallow well, and would aspirate food or stomach acid. And his lungs were kindof iffy... sometimes he would have low oxygen saturation levels that couldn't entirely be explained. And the poor kid kept catching infections, probably in part because of all the medical intervention... all the tests that involved sticking tubes into the poor guy's throat, etc., in order to take a look at things and try to figure out what was wrong with him.
I'd been keeping up on how he was doing on a web page that was provided by the hospital he was staying at. Baby C's parents updated it fairly often.
Baby C's parents took turns staying down at the hospital. While one was at the hospital, the other was in town working, and taking care of their 3 year old daughter.
Monday morning baby C was scheduled to finally have his heart surgery. He seemed really stable, like his lungs were doing ok and like he was in good enough health to finally have the surgery and hopefully be able to go home with his family soon. I was excited to read that, and hopeful everything would go well. Baby C was such a trooper, as were his parents.
Monday night/Tuesday morning I read the latest update on the web page. Baby C didn't make it. He had complications with his lungs during the surgery, and died.
I read it about at 2am Tuesday. Cried buckets. Posted my comments on the web page, i.e., how sorry I was, etc. Then emailed work to forewarn them, so they could do what they could for C's dad, who works at my company.
Then I posted something about it on Tribe. And after crying some more, I flipped channels on TV trying to calm myself down. As much as I wanted to grieve, it wouldn't do me or my unborn son any good for me to let myself be all upset about it.
Tuesday at 5am I crawled into bed. I also ate 2 prunes just before doing so, as I've been fighting off pregger constipation. Sometime around 6am I fell asleep.
Tuesday morning, 8am, I got up. Had a major poo, but had to push to get it out. Then thought I had caused a contraction from all my pushing. And maybe also from my emotional upset over baby C. Oops...
Crawled back into bed, drank some water, and worried for a little bit. The "contraction" wasn't all that painful. And afterwards, all I felt was Braxton Hicks contractions, which aren't painful for me. I could only tell I was having them by feeling my belly, and thus knowing it was going from "hard basketball" to "soft volleyball". :)
I was told if I had 4 contractions an hour, I should go to the hospital. I thought about it. I REALLY didn't want to go.
When people go through a traumatic experience, the best thing for them is to sleep. It helps all sorts of things. Lets their minds process what's happened. If I went to the hospital, I was only going to get more stressed out. I wasn't having anything like painful contractions. Screw it. I put my head back on the pillow, and passed out.
It's hard to deal with the death of a little child. It never feels like it makes any sense. And, as an expectant mother, it was messing with me. Why did God take baby C away? Would He take my baby away, too?
Had to remind myself, even God went through this. He lost His Son. Admittedly, it was planned and necessary. And both Father and Son were in agreement over what had to happen. [Though neither liked the price that had to be paid. Jesus even asked His Father if the "cup" could be taken away from Him, but still, to have God's will be done over the matter.]
Reminding myself of that... and that God empathizes with our pain... made it easier. And made me a little less worried that God was going to be taking my baby next.
So, baby C is having his funeral on Friday. I don't think I'll be going... have too much going on at home, and not sure it's a good idea. Sounds like a little more stress than I should be putting myself through. Much like Scarlett O'Hara, I need to "think about baby C" another day. Gotta concentrate on my unborn son.
Tuesday, after sleeping in until 2 or 3pm, I crawled out of bed, fed the dogs, fed myself, got cleaned up, and headed down for my flu shot. Weeeee.... ;)
Wednesday I took it extremely easy. Didn't want to feel anything like a real contraction again until my son is really supposed to come out.
Thursday, i.e., today, was extremely busy. 9:20am ObGyn appointment, where the doctor told me that I hadn't had a "REAL" contraction Tuesday morning. And that, if I had had a real contraction, I'd know it, LOL! And that my unborn son was still hanging out in the womb, head down, and that other than a softening of the cervix on the vaginal side, there was no evidence that my son was coming out early, LOL! He's still happy to hang out for the long haul. :)
I had a 10:45am appointment with my psychiatrist. But before that, I needed something to eat, as I was STARVING. I rushed through McD's, scarfed food on the drive back to my shrink, and made it to the correct block in time... to see that there was NO parking allowed on the side of the street where my shrink is for about 3 blocks. Tree-cutting. No parking on the opposite side, as everyone and their dog was parked there. Did a few circles and finally found a place to park. Now I was late. I waddled my pregger body as fast as I could, short of running. [Running when you are 6 days from delivery is a bad idea, LOL!] Hit the crosswalk button. Car on my left decided to turn right in front of me when the light turned green, and when the crosswalk also said it was safe to go. I stayed on the sidewalk, muttering "Yeah, that's right, bitch. Ignore the pregnant woman." Mutter mutter mutter... I crossed the street, made it to my appointment. Shrink was running late too. Whew. Had a good talk with the people in the front office while waiting.
My shrink is a really sweet guy. We were both laughing as he's going to be in for shoulder surgery on my due date: we'd both be all doped up during Thanksgiving, LOL.
He talked a bit about baby C with me. As part of his getting his credentials, he got to work in different departments of the hospital. He said pediatrics was the hardest. Watching little kids be so sick and suffer... it got to him. So he totally understood how I was feeling.
Then we talked about, of all things, trying to feed my baby every 3 hours during the day so he'd be more inclined to sleep more during the night, LOL! And about how, once a baby is deeply asleep, it can be VERY HARD to get him/her to wake up for that scheduled feeding, LOL! His description of trying to get his own son to wake up during the day for a feeding was hysterical. :)
My shrink also told me to just try to enjoy this time as much as possible, to see the humor in all of it. Whereupon I replied, "I guess you've never read my blog!" ;)
So, appointment #2 done, LOL.
Drove to where I'd had my flu shot Tuesday. I'd forgotten to give them the "recommended donation". They were really appreciative of my coming back, and also remembered me talking about baby C! Whoa. Good memory! Heh.
It was only a few blocks from my shrink to where they were doing flu shots, so it wasn't that big a deal for me to go back. :) And it was the right thing to do.
Then did errands:
Pet store for 2 dog harnesses, so I could belt the dogs in to my car. Letting them run amok in the back seat with my son in a baby seat back there didn't sound like a good idea. They wouldn't intentionally try to hurt him, but they probably would step on the poor kid, LOL!
Orchard Supply Hardware for some cleaning tools. Wanted some empty squirt bottles so I could make some low-concentration bleach, or alcohol, or vinegar sprays. Trying to find some stuff that would be fairly safe to use to clean surfaces our son is going to be lying up against. Also got some more cleaning supplies and stuff...
Staples for stamps (I REALLY need to get those thank you notes out, LOL!), and for cardboard boxes to pack up all my Vampire and other children-inappropriate books that are still stored in our baby's future room. [Somehow I think he's a little young yet to be reading Anne Rice. :) ]
And gas.
Got home at 1:30pm. Cleaners hadn't been here yet. Whew! That meant the bathroom was available... I wouldn't be interrupting them cleaning it if I asked if I could pee. Heh... my bladder just gets smaller and smaller. Peed. Fed dogs. Realized I was going to DROP. Slept from 2pm to 5pm, with a couple of phone call interruptions. [Cleaners needed to postpone until Friday, Mother-in-Law checking in from Arizona to make sure the kid hadn't popped out yet, LOL. :) ]
So that's been my week so far.
Oh, with one more ironic thing: I got a letter from the EDD saying that my disability had been disapproved because they hadn't been given the amount of sick time I was going to be using! Hmph... well, there's the start of the pre-partum time until when I actually deliver, which is predicted to be November 21st, but that's really up to God. Then... let's see... if there's no complications, then 6 weeks from the birth for post-partum. If C-section, then 8 weeks from birth. If really bad complications, who the heck knows. Then there's the 6 weeks on top of that to "bond" with our baby son. So basically, damned if I know. Like I can predict this??? Granted, I had a feeling I was pregnant in the beginning, and a feeling that our son was going to stay in at least until the due date, but those are just moments of female intuition!!! Yeesh.
Did the EDD *MISS* the information that says this is all about maternity leave??
Harrumph. Looks like I have a couple or 3 phone calls to make tomorrow on top of the list of calls I already have in my queue. I think this is a miscommunication between either my ObGyn and the EDD or my company and the EDD. Or SDI and EDD. Not sure whom I need to complain to, LOL!
Well, that explains why I haven't gotten a check yet under SDI. GREAT.... Good thing I was trying to stash away a little cash prior to taking maternity leave.
Oh, yeah. And my Mom is freaking out and thinking she isn't physically capable of taking care of the baby when I go back to work. Which I kinda wondered about anyway, because of Mom's congestive heart failure. The recent freak out is because she had a "bad week" with her congestive heart failure. And I can totally understand that making her worry if she's really up to taking care of our son. But at the same time, hubby and I are both thinking she'll calm down about and change her mind next week, LOL. :)
And the other bad news: the girlfriend of a friend of ours is missing. She took off when she heard some upsetting news. She was in rehab for a while, then came to live with our friend and also live with her Mom, to finish detoxing. But now, as of Monday, she's un-locatable. Which probably means she's using again. Sigh. I really wish she'd completed her full stay at the rehab place instead of leaving early. Leaving early was really a mistake for her... she needed the full treatment time, far away from temptation, with professionals who could deal with what she's going through. I'm worried about her, and about our friend. Not much I can do about it.
And before you think of it, our friend would not have provided her with temptation. Far from it. It's just that, being out of rehab, she's back where she can make contact with people who could get her drugs. And am afraid that's exactly what's happened... that she's back under the influence. Sigh.
The good news: went out to dinner with hubby and one of his co-workers. Had an awesome time talking shit. And our friend's sister works at the restaurant, so got to talk to her as well, and hear about her 3 pregnancies, LOL. :) Basically it was just really nice to be outside just to chill, and have some real food.
I have to say, I'm developing quite a few acquaintances at the various clinics I've had to go to throughout this pregnancy, LOL! I think I mentioned once before that the phlebotomy department at one place wants me to bring our son by after he's born, LOL! Well, so does my shrink. :) It's cracking me up... I'm used to having friends at work, but having all these acquaintances at my various doctor's offices?!?!? :)
Oh, another thing about baby C. I had been keeping my parents up to date on his condition for most of his life. That way they could pray for him, and have their Bible Study also pray for him.
I was a sick little kid growing up... nothing as bad as baby C, but still some things were predicted -- that thank God, never came to pass -- that scared the crap out of my Mom at least. Dad I think wasn't so scared... he was maybe partly in denial, and unwilling to accept any of the scary predictions until they actually happened. I did nearly die my first year, due to my puny immune system. But here I am now, basically a normal 39 year old, having (thank God!) a reasonably healthy pregnancy.
There's what doctor's predict, and there's what God says will happen. God trumps doctors every time.
Anyway, my Mom had been identifying alot with baby C because of her experience with me being so sickly as a little kid, and all my hospital visits. So here I was, with this bad news. I'd already taken it pretty hard... how hard would Mom take it?!?!? I decided to put off telling her. Emailed my Sister about it.
Well, ironically, my Sister was on the phone with our Mom while my Sister was reading the email I sent her. My Sister read the email to our Mom before she got to the point where I said, "I dread telling Mom about this", LOL! So Mom got to hear about it, got to get her crying out with Dad, and pray over it. And was basically ok with it by the time I next spoke to her!
I was HORRENDOUSLY grateful to my Sister, LOL! Even if she only told Mom on accident! :)
So, thinking about what happened to baby C also made me think of what if I died during the birth. I'd be leaving my poor husband w/o a wife, and my son w/o a mother. And what would this do to my parents? I was pretty sure my Husband and my Sister would survive the loss. But not so certain of my parents. It would probably kill my Mom... whereupon Dad would die from the shock of losing both Mom and me. Sigh.
I found myself hoping my Sister could tell my parents about my death, too, and take it out of my hands. I wasn't sure I could handle how they would react to it.
Whereupon... yeah... hee-hee. :) Realized it wouldn't really be in my hands in the first place. And got the stupid giggles. :)
Addendum:
My ObGyn's office talked to the EDD office, and straightened it all out. The guy at the EDD office even called me just to verify my home address for sending the checks! And he was INTELLIGENT, and COMPASSIONATE, LOL! And very concerned that I'd been stressed out by the decline letter. [I was a little stressed about it last night, but by this morning, realized it would just probably take some phone calls to fix it.]
So, I can still afford to be on Maternity Leave! Yea!!!!!!! :)
Anything negative I've said about government workers I have to take back, LOL. :)
Friday, November 09, 2007
Birth Plan
Running on low energy here... but keeping my sense of humor.
So my niece-in-law had her baby last Friday. Baby "J". :) She got to go home before he did, because the poor kid aspirated some meconium, i.e., some baby-in-the-womb-poo. But he's ok. Now she's at home, fighting off an infection (probably from giving birth), and he's the one doing alot better.
I've been keeping my parents up to date on J's condition. My parents go to a Bible Study, and I wanted them to be able to pray for him. 'Course, I need to keep them up to date on my niece, as I think she's now having a rougher time. :P
Before J came home from the hospital, my Mom and I were discussing the situation, and how it must be making J's parents feel.
Mom: "So, when do you think they'll let him go?"
My sense of timing struck.
Me: "Oh, in about 18 years, then I expect they'll send him to college."
DEAD SILENCE.
Me: "Sorry, couldn't resist."
Groan on the other end of the phone. :)
In other news...
My husband was hot to trot to get an electronic copy of my Birth Plan. I was ok with showing it to him, of course. I mean, it's a joint affair... heh, whether he likes it or not. ;) [He'd rather wait in the waiting area with everyone else. 'Course, so would I, but there's no way for me to "not be there" during the birth, LOL!]
But I was a little confused as to why he wanted an electronic copy of the birth plan as soon as I could get it to him. I knew we were pretty much in agreement on everything. The only thing I wasn't sure of was circumcision, but since he's a guy, I deferred to him on that one. :) [And yeah, he says our baby boy is getting circumcised.]
Then he surprised me. He took the birth plan, and did this:
YES side:
NO side:
Yes, he laminated it and double-sided it. :) He condensed my text to something quick and easy to understand. He also picked up a cool "leash" for it for me to wear.
That way, if he's not in the delivery room, (and I'm babbling incoherently in pain/delirium), someone can just look at the card to see what I would have wanted! :)
This is on par with how, a week or two ago, he brought home flowers for me. Just because. :)
So my niece-in-law had her baby last Friday. Baby "J". :) She got to go home before he did, because the poor kid aspirated some meconium, i.e., some baby-in-the-womb-poo. But he's ok. Now she's at home, fighting off an infection (probably from giving birth), and he's the one doing alot better.
I've been keeping my parents up to date on J's condition. My parents go to a Bible Study, and I wanted them to be able to pray for him. 'Course, I need to keep them up to date on my niece, as I think she's now having a rougher time. :P
Before J came home from the hospital, my Mom and I were discussing the situation, and how it must be making J's parents feel.
Mom: "So, when do you think they'll let him go?"
My sense of timing struck.
Me: "Oh, in about 18 years, then I expect they'll send him to college."
DEAD SILENCE.
Me: "Sorry, couldn't resist."
Groan on the other end of the phone. :)
In other news...
My husband was hot to trot to get an electronic copy of my Birth Plan. I was ok with showing it to him, of course. I mean, it's a joint affair... heh, whether he likes it or not. ;) [He'd rather wait in the waiting area with everyone else. 'Course, so would I, but there's no way for me to "not be there" during the birth, LOL!]
But I was a little confused as to why he wanted an electronic copy of the birth plan as soon as I could get it to him. I knew we were pretty much in agreement on everything. The only thing I wasn't sure of was circumcision, but since he's a guy, I deferred to him on that one. :) [And yeah, he says our baby boy is getting circumcised.]
Then he surprised me. He took the birth plan, and did this:
Yes, he laminated it and double-sided it. :) He condensed my text to something quick and easy to understand. He also picked up a cool "leash" for it for me to wear.
That way, if he's not in the delivery room, (and I'm babbling incoherently in pain/delirium), someone can just look at the card to see what I would have wanted! :)
This is on par with how, a week or two ago, he brought home flowers for me. Just because. :)
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