Dog rules, Part I

(1) If the doorbell rings on the tv, it is equivalent to the front door's doorbell ringing, and will be treated as such.

(2) ... no matter how much the humans yell that it's just the tv.

(3) It is a fact written in stone that the only way for a dog to sufficiently show it's affection when human returns home is to jump up as high as it can reach, scraping it's paws across every inch of the human's exposed skin. This can include the human's face.

(4) It is also a fact written in stone that no matter how long the doggy nails get, or how uncomfortable they are for the dog to walk with, the dog will still resist all attempts at trimming same nails. [Besides, the dog knows the human is just trying to test the dog: if the dog truly loves the human, the dog will avoid nail trimming in order to be more effective at item (3) above.]

(5) The couch is only for the humans...

(6) ... unless the dog manages to get onto it first.

(7) The dog can only be comfortable upon the bed if spread out as far as all appendages and the doggy frame can go. The humans should understand this and be accommodating.

(8) Eating poo is a physical necessity.

(9) Breathing poo breath into a human's face should be thoroughly enjoyed and not punished. After all, the dog is merely trying to share the wonderful taste in it's mouth!

(10) Dogs know that reading computer screens or books causes eye strain in their humans, and will therefore do their best to nuzzle said humans so that they will take a break... and also so they will do their duty of scratching the dog.

If you enter my house, expect to get sniffed in the butt, nuzzled by a wet nose, licked, pawed, and otherwise showered with possibly unwanted attention. You should also expect more of the same from our dogs. ;)