Monday, August 29, 2005

Major suckage

You know how you have work friends that you aren't very close to, but you still see every day? Or at least every week? And you have a sortof camaraderie? And you count them as your friend, but as a friend you don't know very well and should probably get to know better?

Well, I won't be getting that chance now.

Someone I've worked with at 2 different companies is dead.

He was a bit of a thrill seeker, which is a mentality I'm beginning to understand, as I'm realizing I have a bit of that streak in myself.

He went hang gliding... even rode thermals as high as 18,000 feet, with and without oxygen. [When the latter happened, he looked at his altimeter, said "oh sh*t", and decided it was time to go lower!]

He surfed.

He went scuba diving.

And he rode motorcycles.

He was intense, and fun to talk to. And a nice person in general.

He works in a different building than I do. Well, "worked". I haven't talked to him much since he came over to my current company. Last week I talked to him because a friend of mine is trying to get work there. While doing so, I got to know him a little bit better, and found out his interest in hang gliding and in scuba.

I told him when he and his dive buddy decided to go out again, to please let me know (if he wanted to), and me and my husband would go with him!

I also heard about how he took a few risks in scuba... and warned him about it. I've yet to see "bad things" happen while scuba diving, but I've read enough and been taught enough about them to do my best to stay safe! I didn't want to read about him later as a statistic.

I was warning him about the wrong sport.

There's this favorite road bikers like to ride on called Jalama. Or maybe that's the city the road is near, I don't know. Two bikers died over the weekend. He was one of them. He was in the left lane and hit oncoming traffic. I think he may have taken a turn too fast, and so had to use more space to make the turn.

I found out this morning about it. And I also found out he is married with a 2 year old child!

How could I not know that about him? How could I feel like he was "a friend", and not know he was married and had a kid? What kind of "friend" am I?

There's more that distresses me about this. But it's of a religious nature, and I'm not ready to talk about that.

I feel like I somehow failed him, like maybe I could have said something to prevent his death. Or like I could have at least known him better before he died. It's really strange. I mean, I used to bump into him alot at the first company we both worked at, but we didn't really chat seriously. And then I go chat with him last week, find out we have alot of interests in common, and now he's gone.

I hate that his life has been cut short so soon. And I hate to think of what his wife is going through, and how his child is going to grow up without his father.

I hate that this was an accident. That it was preventable. That it was death due to a simple error in judgment.

And I hate that there's not much I can do after the fact. Can't undo his death. Can't bring him back so his wife and child aren't ...

Shit.

And now I'm kindof afraid to get back onto my own motorcycle. And I know I'm going to be worrying whenever my husband is out riding his.

This has totally rattled me.

We (my company) are going to hear later this week when the funeral is, and if there's going to be some sortof fund we can donate to.

8 comments:

Sublime said...

Sith,

So sorry to hear about your friend. Something about his passing seems to really have hit home for you. It's never easy to hear about someone having a sudden death. And I know what you mean about "friends" at work. People you see every so often that you just assume you will always see and chat with in the hall, etc. Don't beat yourself up about not knowing more about him.

Your story about his adventerous side reminds me of this Anais Nin quote, "People living deeply have no fear of death." It sounds like that's what he did...lived deeply and enjoyed life.

Take care today and forgive yourself.

-Sublime

PS- not sure if you read my personal blog too, but the URL changed yesterday. It's now at:
http://americasoblivious.blogspot.com

nancy =) said...

oh, sith i'm so sorry...but it sounds like this guy truly knew how to live...i was just having a conversation the other day with someone about dying...and if you're having any bad vibes about your motorcycle, please don't ride...only good vibes when your're doing those kinds of things...hope you feel better, sith...peace...

Sith Snoopy said...

Thanks guys and gals for your kind words. :)

This has been a rough week.

Anne Arkham said...

Sad. I'm sorry about your friend.

Anonymous said...

I think I may be the sister of the guy you are talking about in this blog....it was a sad sad time and it still is...family is doing the best we can, including his wife and child...we live life the way he would have wanted, each day to the fullest, telling those you love that you do...as far as his spiritual feelings go, he was one of the most spiritual people I know, maybe not in the conventional sense, but I have no doubt that he is up there with the angels flying unassisted....thanks for your words about him...he truly was amazing!!

The older sister!!

Sith Snoopy said...

Hessebaby,

I'm very sorry about the loss of your brother. :(

If we're talking about the same guy, his wife's first name starts with an S, and he was always known by his initials. And his last name is a kind of metal.

Same person?

Anonymous said...

Same person!!! What a small world this is...strange how many lives he touched, his funeral was amazing to see how many people came out to pay their respects...so many people knew him, from all the areas of his life...it is a huge loss, he was a one of a kind...and you got it right...MAJOR SUCKAGE!!! Your blog touched my heart and really helped out on a rough day when I must have been searching for something....

Take care....

Anonymous said...

Have we met?? That'd be even a smaller world seeing as I'm living far far away, but still close to home in my heart!!