The good, and the really really bad and ugly

Well, the good news:

• Getting easier to get Logan to sleep in his bassinett. Sometimes.
  
• My nipples have toughened up so breast feeding no longer hurts.
  
• Incision is mostly healed up... just a slight crack left. No longer has to be packed. I can drive, as I'm no longer on pain meds. And since it's no longer trying to heal too fast (outside first, then inside), as it was packed until it behaved, I'm also no longer on blood pressure medication.
  

Bad news:

• Hubby and I have a sore-throat/cold.
  
• My Mom can't baby sit as she realized her congestive heart failure was going to make it too hard on her. She can babysit for a couple of hours at a time, but that's it. No "all day" babysitting while I'm at work. Dad can't as he works... he's 84 and he works. :P They need the money.
  
• Hubby's Mom can't babysit. Because she PASSED AWAY FRIDAY 1/18/2008. Put us all in shock.
  

She would have been 78 on 1/30/2008.

She was so good with Logan. And so sweet. She was a 2nd Mom to me. To everyone, really.

Hubby's in shock. Hubby's Dad is in shock.

Funeral was this past Friday, 1/25/2008. A bunch of family flew/drove in for it. Sister-in-law got in the Sunday after her Mom died, and was a big help both with Hubby's Dad and with Logan.

Hubby's Dad and Sister adore Logan. Hubby's Dad may try his hand a little at some babysitting, but we can't really hold him to what Hubby's Mom had agreed to. Especially after all the stress of losing Hubby's Mom.

However, Hubby's Dad does LOVE spending time with Logan. And he also ironically loves our dogs... and our dogs adore him.

Hubby's Sister threatened to steal Logan away this week. Had to watch Logan and Sister-in-Law CLOSELY. ;)

Logan steals the hearts of any adults who get to know him. :)

Thought my breast-milk antibodies were protecting Logan from getting sick, as even though Hubby and I had been sick for almost a week already, Logan was fine. But unfortunately, last night, 1/26/2008, Logan started sounding congested. :( Poor little guy...

So now all 3 of us are miserable.

Logan still smiles at us. I can't believe how happy he can be with us even when he's feeling like crap. He IS a little angel.

Not sure when I have to go back to work now. My HR thinks I only get 12 weeks from the date the baby is born. But my ObGyn's office is sure I get 8 (maybe 10 now) weeks of medical leave for the c-section. [8 is normal, but it may be 10 as I had complications.] And then another 6 weeks for bonding on top of that. So 16 weeks total. And my ObGyn thinks that my job is protected for 12 weeks from the END of my medical leave.

So, per my ObGyn, I get SDI money for the 8 to 10 weeks of medical leave, then another 6 weeks of money for bonding. But then I could stay out of work an extra 6 weeks w/o any income if I wanted to. But I don't think I'll take that option.

Confused? Sorry... it's confusing me too. ;)

Need to get my HR and my ObGyn's office to agree. Stressing me out.

If HR is right, I return to work end of February. If my ObGyn is right, I return end of March. Really hoping for end of March here, LOL! I hope to have everything figured out by then... taking care of Logan, and also who is babysitting him while I'm at work. That and I HATE leaving him. He's stolen my heart.

So... that's what's been happening...

Should have listened...

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008, I saw my Gestational Diabetes doctor, to see if the blood test I took the prior week indicated I had regular diabetes now that I was no longer pregnant. Thank the Lord, I did NOT.

I will have to get tested for diabetes once a year, at my annual physical, to be sure, however. The fact that I had gestational diabetes means I still need to watch my blood sugars to ensure I don't still get the full blown diabetes later in life.

My diabetes doctor is a real sweetie, and gave me and my hubby a few of her hand-me-down baby equipment, including a car seat and a swing. She's also a Mom, having an adopted son at home.

Before I left, she heard Logan poo. She asked me if I'd like to change him in the examining room.

I should have listened to my gestational diabetes doctor...

I should have changed Logan then and there, when my doctor offered me the opportunity.

But NOOOOOOOO..... I was sure he would "keep" until I was done grocery shopping and got home.

She said that I knew best, as I was the mother, and not to feel guilty if someone else said I was doing something wrong.

Heh. Me, know best?!?

I think his dirty diaper was why he started crying. In Longs. Full blast. Without cease.

I left a cart full of groceries in Longs while I went back outside (with him) to get his bottle and a pacifier.

I got a clue before going back into Longs and went ahead and brought back in his whole diaper bag.

Then I tried to feed him his bottle (pumped breast milk) with one hand while pushing the cart with the other and looking at the shelves. I'd often look back at him and realize the bottle wasn't centered in his mouth, or even in his mouth anymore! Just dripping onto his onesie.

Then he wasn't into the bottle anymore. And the pacifier didn't work. And he wasn't content with his car seat. And holding him in twelve different positions didn't work. And he kept getting heavier.

I looked at the line to the pharmacy, looked at my screaming baby, and headed for the checkout line. Purchased my items as fast as possible, then sat in the back seat of my car trying to breast feed -- I assumed that the bottle hadn't been warm enough... I had tried to warm it in the car using the car vents, with the heater on, when driving to Longs!), giving Logan some colic medicine, and holding him again. He was inconsolable, with maybe a few times he stopped crying.

Husband called my cell, heard the screaming baby over it, and offered to take care of the rest of my chores, LOL! He picked up my meds at the pharmacy, and also took care of some of the groceries I was going to get at Vons.

Wow. This is just NOT easy, LOL! My respect for my own Mom keeps getting higher and higher!!!

Hubby was like, "why didn't you drop him off with your parents or my parents while you went grocery shopping?"

"I don't know... I thought it would be EASY!" :) Doh!!!

When I got home, I changed him, breast fed him, and he passed out, in his swing.

Ok, this motherhood thing isn't as easy as I had thought it would be. ;)

Ok, I didn't think it would be easy. But holy smokes! It's often way harder than I had thought.

Mommy's First Day Out Alone

7:15 am:
I am up. Feed baby, burp baby, change baby. Repeat.

8:30 am:
Husband takes shower. Continued feeding/burping/changing, tried to sleep. Heh.

8:45 am:
I take shower.

9:00 am:
Husband cleans and re-packs my c-section wound.

9:20 am:
Feed/water dogs while continuing to feed/burp baby.

10:00 am:
Prep baby bag, purse. Put on maternity bra and clean t-shirt. Feed/burp baby.

10:20 am:
Kick dogs outside. Dry hair. Cuddle fussy baby. Brush teeth. Put on pants.

10:35 am:
Change baby diaper. Logan poops onto the changing table. Manage to chase the runny, newborn, breast-fed poop such that it doesn't coat Logan or his t-shirt. Finish changing him, and sterilize changing table. Put on outside clothes. Re-run bottle sterilizer. Put nipple on bottle of breast milk that was stored in the refrigerator.

10:55 am:
Ignore baby's crying so can run to bathroom and have upset stomach.

11:05 am:
Carry baby (in car seat), baby bag, purse, jacket, and car seat base to car.

11:10 am:
Install car seat base in MY car. For first time. With less than 3 hours sleep. And empty stomach, as was fasting for a blood test. First try to put it behind driver's side because instructions don't say it's ok to put in the middle. Fight with it, curse hands (which still have barely any feeling/strength due to gestationally-induced carpal tunnel syndrome), curse back (which keeps spasming at the odd angles I'm leaning over at while in the back of the car), and finally get a clue. Install son-of-a-b*tch/fraking/piece-of-crap base in middle of back seat, realizing that just because I didn't see that the instructions said I could put it there didn't mean it wasn't allowed. Installed beautifully.

When I later described my fight with the car base, Husband had to add "So easy, even a sleep deprived new Mother can do it". :)

Car starts. Yea! Last person to drive it was Husband on December 4th, when he rescued it for me from one of my doctor's offices. [On December 3rd, I got walked over to the hospital from my doctor's office, and admitted to have induction started.]

I haven't driven a car since December 3rd. Just feeling the steering wheel in my hands again... Happy Sigh. I have my freedom back. :)

11:30 am:
Drive to clinic for BLOOD TEST, which I was FASTING for since midnight.

12:00 pm:
Get blood drawn.

12:15 pm:
Stand in line at clinic to ensure they had current insurance info.

12:25 pm:
Realized that people who would have let me cut ahead in line when I was 8+ months pregnant will NOT do me any favors while trying to carry 10+ pound baby in 5+ pound car seat, plus baby bag plus purse. Logan starts to cry... but is ok once we're driving again.

12:45 pm:
Scarfing McDonald's drive-through while sitting at bank. HUSBAND drives up and parks next to me!!! He saw me 5 cars ahead at McDonald's, and once he got his food, assumed I was headed for the bank, and tracked me down. And got to be very amused hearing about my adventures so far. :) Gave me hug, told me he was proud of me, LOL! Logan thankfully stays asleep.

1:10 pm:
I finish preparing checks for deposit. Drive car around to drive through... and the bloody bank has changed it's drive-thru ATM's. And in the process, has forgotten to fill up the cool new deposit envelope holder. Shit. Drive back around bank, and wake poor Logan up taking car seat out with me to walk-up ATM. Deposit 3 maternity leave checks that I've accumulated, as I haven't had a chance to deposit anything since before I was admitted to the hospital to be induced back on December 3rd.

1:20 pm:
Drive around for a while looking for where the phone store is. [Know it's near the bank.] Ahah! There it is! Oh, crap! Wrong cell provider. Logan's crying.

1:25 pm:
Park. Get into back seat. Try to cuddle Logan. No, he's probably hungry. Give him bottle. Shit! Can't give him cold breast milk, and have no way to warm it up in the car. But why can't you give baby's cold milk? Ok, nevermind... he only got a few swallows. Pull him back out of car seat, and pull out a boob, and start breast feeding.

1:30 pm:
Guy parked to my right walks back with his Subway Sandwiches lunch. And proceeds to eat it there in the car. Whenever I look at him, he's NOT looking at me. Still, I do my best to cover my boob!!!

1:45 pm:
Stop by work with Logan's birth certificate so HR can photocopy it and file it away as proof that I genuinely have a son that warranted adding a name to our insurance. Bring son in as well, LOL! [Talk about physical proof. Although I suppose I could have pulled down my pants and removed the bandage to show off the c-section scar, just so they could be sure.] Hear again how the 8 weeks for c-section + 6 weeks for bonding really is only allowed to total 12 weeks for maternity leave from the date of delivery. Which doesn't agree with what ObGyn said. So maybe I have until mid March, maybe I have until end of February. Still not sure.

Well, 2 weeks more or less... still have all of January and definitely most if not all of February.

Various co-workers get to see Logan and go ooh and aah. :)

Sigh. Logan starts crying again.

2:30 pm:
Arrive at other cell phone store. Purchase new phone to replace the dead one I got wet when I answered it twice in the hospital bathroom, with an ear wet from the shower. Pull Logan out of car seat and hold him when he starts crying again.

Yea! All my phone numbers were stored on the sim card, and it survived the wetting of the cell phone!

3:00 pm:
We're both home. Bring Logan inside, and all the crap from the car. Let dogs in. Clean off hospital germs. Run through bathroom. Remove Logan's outside clothes, change him. Crawl into recliner and feed Logan. Wonder how the hell people do this.

I'd intended to also visit my in-laws, and go grocery shopping. HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!!!