Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Where am I, and why am I strapped to the bed??

Hi everyone. Sorry for being non-responsive. Not sure where to start.

Mom is getting better (for those who haven't heard, she had a stroke on December 8th)

Dad is wiped out

Logan is getting over a cold. Now I have the cold.

My husband sortof has it.

I need to finish de-cluttering my parent's place in preparation for when Mom goes home. I have been paying my folk's bills (with their money, not mine) as Mom was the one who handled all of that, but Dad isn't up to it. He's still working, and that's keeping him going. But it's been a long time since he had to handle bills. And he's stressed out and so tired. And he's 86, of course. Considering everything, he's handling things, and holding up, really well.

Mom wants to come home so bad she can't see straight. She is doing well, but doesn't always realize how many skills she has lost and needs to relearn. She should be able to come home in about 1.5 weeks, and continue the rest of her therapy from home.

I'm currently not on speaking terms with my Sister. That's mostly my fault, but she owes my husband both an "apology" and a "thankyou", and I really need her to give me some space, so I've been happy to just enjoy the silence. She was trying to handle things from her end (Nevada), and she was just one cook too many. And sometimes she can be someone I really don't like. But I still love her.

If she posts the text of the scathing email I sent her, yeah, I really said all of that. Some of it I meant, as there are alot of things she and I haven't dealt with yet, and some of it was me just completely wigging out from the pressure.

Haven't gotten my folks to sign the wills that my Mom had me go online to prepare. A corrected will was sent to my folks place, Dad thought it was junk mail, and tore it up! He put the part with his name in the burn box, and the part w/o in the recycle bin. I was just lucky I found it in both places. I taped it up and photocopied it and Mom's will, and gave them the copies. I'm not sure Mom can sign hers yet (she's re-learning reading, writing, and math), and I think Dad just let the signing of his will go, even though there was a good opportunity a week or so ago, with 2 friends who could have been witnesses. So, all that insane rush for nothing. :P And I hate to have to PUSH him, or her. They are already really pushed. Me too.

Mom's wearing Dad out. I can't convince Mom to let Dad have one day a week off from going to see her. I know she's lonely, but it takes alot of energy to deal with her. He works Wednesday and Thursday evenings for 4 hours each, and Saturday and Sunday mornings thru early afternoon, for 8 hours each. He gets Monday, Tuesday, and Friday off. I just think he should get Friday to SLEEP ALL DAY IF HE WANTS TO, but Mom... well, she misses him so much, and... it's a long story. :P

I'm not sure how much of this was Dad being worn out, how much was Dad being 86, and/or how much of this was maybe Dad forgetting to eat and having low blood sugar, but Dad got confused a couple weeks ago, and after bringing home groceries, managed to lock himself out of their home.

And then he convinced himself that he had left his car/home keys at the grocery store.

Mom had called him, asking him to come see her. I spoke with him too, I think. And in the confusion, when trying to leave the house to go see Mom, he went outside without his keys. And then started walking back to the store to find those keys!

He slipped on some loose gravel as he was exhausted, skinned some skin off his head, and was rescued by some people and taken to the management office of the place they live in. I was called in. I searched Dad's car for the keys (he had left his car door unlocked), and found...


I took it out, peeled the candy off, went inside their home, found Dad's keys where he'd left them, went back outside and drove to the management office. I then drove Dad back to their home, and sat with him and filled out some documentation for the convalescent home Mom was in. [The documentation was just for admitting her, but hadn't been filled in for almost 2 weeks from when she'd arrived at the nursing home. Several family members were afraid it was a trick to make it that she'd be stuck in the nursing home, i.e., admitted for life.]

Mom is now at a more aggressive convalescent home. They spend many more hours per day training her. It's wearing her out, but she needs it before she goes home.

I've just been really drained. I pay their bills, I found a new doctor for them when their doctor announced last minute he was retiring, I "rescue" them from various mistakes age, stress, and exhaustion are causing them to make... As to the bills, I had to do "bill discovery" as Dad was so stressed out he was misplacing the mail. "Hello, electric company? Yes, do you guys have an account with my parents, what do they owe you, and when is it due?" I spent much of last Saturday trying to "find the floor" in their place, decluttering like a mad fool. I would have gone back for more on Sunday, but my stomach had other plans.

I picked up their medical files from the doctor that retired, and paid their final bill with that doctor, and am holding on to the files until they see their new doctor in February.

I stayed home sick today. There was stuff I should have done for my folks, and for us, but I so badly needed to just chill that me and my cold went to bed after my Father-in-Law picked Logan up and I emailed work to let them know I was sick. I stayed there for several hours, in the happy oblivion that is sleep.


Everytime my cell phone rings, I groan because I'm afraid it's my Mom with another request.

Ok, so other than all of that, everything's great, lol!

Anyway, Mom is going to get to go home soon. I need to hurry up and get her enrolled in Medi-cal. Hoping they qualify, as then someone can come to their house, in between the home-therapists that will visit, and help them out. 'Cause I need to work, and if I try to be there with Mom while Dad is at work on Wednesday and Thursday evenings, I'm going to break into several tiny pieces. I just don't have enough of myself to spread around. Which is pretty impressive considering how fat my ass is.

I also can't deal with taking care of Mom on the weekends while Dad is working. I mean, I'd never see my husband or my son, at that rate.

And really, when Dad is home, Dad can't physically take care of her if she's having problems taking care of herself. Dad can't bathe her. Dad can't lift her if she falls. And I can't quit my job and become her full-time caregiver, anyway. But she could get some help if she qualifies for Medi-cal.

And... and... that's not even everything, lol!

I... have... lost... what... little... mind... I... have... left.

My husband, my toddler, and my job are keeping me sane.

My husband has been incredibly awesome through all of this. And his Dad has been incredibly awesome. I don't know what I would do without those two.

Anyway, that's the current situation.

I'm just glad that Dad is still up to working at his part-time job. It's keeping him alive. And I'm glad Mom will be coming home soon. Although I know it doesn't mean I'm off the hook. Until she can really do math and write checks and read bills, that's still my bailiwick. But Mom's sure that her coming home will make life much easier on me.





Ok, where's my Xanax??