Darth Snoopy

Mantra to say after talking to my mother

2011-07-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

"I will not break this phone. I will not break this phone. I will not break this phone. I will not break this phone...."

Due to her stroke, she has aphasia. This means she often swaps words... either the words she says, or the words she hears. Basically, her speaking interface is kinda broken, like a broken Star Trek translator.

And she thinks with the emotional side of her brain, since it was the logical side that had the stroke. And that's also the highly suspicious part of her brain, and resentful, and basically uncooperative side of her brain. And aggravating side of her brain. And...

I have broken the work phone handset by hanging up on her, and then lifting the handset back up and pounding it, oh, about 4 times on my desk. For some bizarre reason, although other people could hear my speak, I had to turn up the phone volume to max to hear other people. Hmmm. Very strange. As if I had done something outside the normal working parameters of the phone. What, you mean I'm not supposed to expect the phone to work after heartily pounding it on my desk?

After another phone call, I destroyed the hearing-side of one of our cordless home phones, as well as it's crystal display. The only way to answer phone calls with that phone was to answer it then put it in speaker mode.

We've got people who asked to come over today. 2 or 3 of the same people were there yesterday. I called my Mom to let her know, and make sure the time was ok.

Mom: "They were already here today."

Me: "What? No, you mean yesterday,"

Mom: "Yes, they were here today."

Me: "They were here this morning??"

Mom: "Well, there were 2... 2... 3 people here..."

Me: "Mom, what TIME this morning were they here?"

Mom, after consulting with her caregiver:"10."

Me: "Mom, that's impossible because it's 9:45am!"

Mom: "They were here today!"

Me: "Mom, let me talk to your caregiver."

Mom: "You don't believe me? Well, shit, son of a bitch, here!"

Talked to caregiver, confirmed those same people had been there YESTERDAY.

Talked to mom again.

Mom: "You didn't believe me..."

Me: "No, Mom, I did believe you. It's just you were using the wrong word. You meant 'Yesterday', and you kept saying 'Today'."

Mom: "Oh. Well, you know I can't make sense."

Me: "Yes, I know. Anyway, the same people will be there again at 3:30pm."

Mom: "Oh, that's ok. Thank you for letting me know."

Me: "You're welcome." Click.

I will not break this phone. I will not break this phone. This is a new phone to replace the phone I broke. I will not break this phone... I will REALLY NOT break this phone....

Screw life, we're going to talk about a movie!

2011-07-06T00:04:00.000-07:00

Or maybe a few movies.

My life has been too stressful. So instead, let's discuss some really good and really bad movies to watch and to not watch, respectively.

First of all, if things are so bad that you need something horrific to watch in order to deal, especially in order to work through some anger, I highly recommend the following movie:

"The Descent"

It has gotten me through a great deal of stress. It is very depressing in places, I admit. But the main characters, and how they change into very strong, and yes, violent, people in order to survive... oh, man. When you are very angry at your circumstances, sometimes it is just so nice to see the "victims" in the movie kick some serious asshole butt.

And this is also just one of those perfect movies that does the character building, and gets you all spooked and concerned, even before they pull all the stops out. It's already intense before they even let the monsters come out to play.

It's good horror in the way that Alien is absolutely good horror. It captures you. It has a good plot. It maintains believability. The characters are engaging. Just trust me and watch it, damn it.

"Paranormal Activity"

Excellent movie. Watched it maybe 1 or 2 months ago. Hard to watch in the sense that you want these people to get help, get the priests out and/or move, if it would help. One character treats the experience like an experiment for most of the time. The other one, who has more experience with this sort of thing in her past, is frustratingly mocked by the first character, who has no clue what he's playing with.

Don't watch it when your significant other is away on travel. Or you'll be sleeping with the lights on.

"Paranormal Activity 2"

This was also an excellent movie. But if you are a parent / dog owner and are going through a sensitive time, do NOT watch it. There's nothing explicit, but that feeling of wanting to protect the child or the dog may make it too hard to watch. For me, I ended up sitting there furious at the demon that was harassing the child and the dog. And furious at the father, who had his head in the sand and was refusing to believe anything weird was happening. And furious ... just furious. Probably because my husband is on travel, and I have a toddler and 2 dogs. And I was pissed off at being frightened and then feeling the need to sleep with the lights on, lol. It was VERY hard not to wake up my toddler and make him sleep in bed with me. But hey, he hadn't watched the movie. He was sleeping peacefully, except for a sunburn I stupidly forgot to protect him from. He didn't need me projecting my fear onto him.

So I let him sleep, and prayed alot of prayers to God for protection.

So, yeah, choose wisely when you watch it. And if you are wiser still in realizing that maybe movies that touch on the occult are not a good thing to add to your life, then don't watch it. I both enjoyed the movie, and regret watching it, you know? Not sure God wanted me putting that movie into my memory banks.

Just like you shouldn't consume poison, and you shouldn't drink yourself stupid, there are ideas or memories you shouldn't intentionally put into your head, if you can help it. Heh. Call it "brain poison".

I guess "The Descent" might qualify as brain poison, I don't know. So, take my movie advice with a grain of salt.

"Shaun of the Dead"

Fantastically funny movie. It's so good I don't want to tell you anything and spoil it, lol. Just watch it. Trust me. Probably the best movie to watch if you are down in the dumps but don't feel the need to get some anger out of your system. It's the sort of dark comedy that will leave you feeling ironically better after you've watched it.

If it's brain poison... well... it's got to be one of the less damaging and sweeter ones, lol.

Ok, will come back with more movies that are helping to keep me sane, or less insane. And the occasional one that will hurt more than help.

Anyway, yes, I'm still here. Just having a hard time keeping my head above water. As usual. ;)

Where am I, and why am I strapped to the bed??

2010-01-27T23:29:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone. Sorry for being non-responsive. Not sure where to start.

Mom is getting better (for those who haven't heard, she had a stroke on December 8th)

Dad is wiped out

Logan is getting over a cold. Now I have the cold.

My husband sortof has it.

I need to finish de-cluttering my parent's place in preparation for when Mom goes home. I have been paying my folk's bills (with their money, not mine) as Mom was the one who handled all of that, but Dad isn't up to it. He's still working, and that's keeping him going. But it's been a long time since he had to handle bills. And he's stressed out and so tired. And he's 86, of course. Considering everything, he's handling things, and holding up, really well.

Mom wants to come home so bad she can't see straight. She is doing well, but doesn't always realize how many skills she has lost and needs to relearn. She should be able to come home in about 1.5 weeks, and continue the rest of her therapy from home.

I'm currently not on speaking terms with my Sister. That's mostly my fault, but she owes my husband both an "apology" and a "thankyou", and I really need her to give me some space, so I've been happy to just enjoy the silence. She was trying to handle things from her end (Nevada), and she was just one cook too many. And sometimes she can be someone I really don't like. But I still love her.

If she posts the text of the scathing email I sent her, yeah, I really said all of that. Some of it I meant, as there are alot of things she and I haven't dealt with yet, and some of it was me just completely wigging out from the pressure.

Haven't gotten my folks to sign the wills that my Mom had me go online to prepare. A corrected will was sent to my folks place, Dad thought it was junk mail, and tore it up! He put the part with his name in the burn box, and the part w/o in the recycle bin. I was just lucky I found it in both places. I taped it up and photocopied it and Mom's will, and gave them the copies. I'm not sure Mom can sign hers yet (she's re-learning reading, writing, and math), and I think Dad just let the signing of his will go, even though there was a good opportunity a week or so ago, with 2 friends who could have been witnesses. So, all that insane rush for nothing. :P And I hate to have to PUSH him, or her. They are already really pushed. Me too.

Mom's wearing Dad out. I can't convince Mom to let Dad have one day a week off from going to see her. I know she's lonely, but it takes alot of energy to deal with her. He works Wednesday and Thursday evenings for 4 hours each, and Saturday and Sunday mornings thru early afternoon, for 8 hours each. He gets Monday, Tuesday, and Friday off. I just think he should get Friday to SLEEP ALL DAY IF HE WANTS TO, but Mom... well, she misses him so much, and... it's a long story. :P

I'm not sure how much of this was Dad being worn out, how much was Dad being 86, and/or how much of this was maybe Dad forgetting to eat and having low blood sugar, but Dad got confused a couple weeks ago, and after bringing home groceries, managed to lock himself out of their home.

And then he convinced himself that he had left his car/home keys at the grocery store.

Mom had called him, asking him to come see her. I spoke with him too, I think. And in the confusion, when trying to leave the house to go see Mom, he went outside without his keys. And then started walking back to the store to find those keys!

He slipped on some loose gravel as he was exhausted, skinned some skin off his head, and was rescued by some people and taken to the management office of the place they live in. I was called in. I searched Dad's car for the keys (he had left his car door unlocked), and found...

... THE WALLET THAT DAD THOUGHT HE HAD LOST IN THE HOSPITAL CAFETERIA, BACK IN AUGUST, WHEN MOM WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 3 SEPARATE TIMES. It was stuck to the floor under the drivers seat by some candy.

I took it out, peeled the candy off, went inside their home, found Dad's keys where he'd left them, went back outside and drove to the management office. I then drove Dad back to their home, and sat with him and filled out some documentation for the convalescent home Mom was in. [The documentation was just for admitting her, but hadn't been filled in for almost 2 weeks from when she'd arrived at the nursing home. Several family members were afraid it was a trick to make it that she'd be stuck in the nursing home, i.e., admitted for life.]

Mom is now at a more aggressive convalescent home. They spend many more hours per day training her. It's wearing her out, but she needs it before she goes home.

I've just been really drained. I pay their bills, I found a new doctor for them when their doctor announced last minute he was retiring, I "rescue" them from various mistakes age, stress, and exhaustion are causing them to make... As to the bills, I had to do "bill discovery" as Dad was so stressed out he was misplacing the mail. "Hello, electric company? Yes, do you guys have an account with my parents, what do they owe you, and when is it due?" I spent much of last Saturday trying to "find the floor" in their place, decluttering like a mad fool. I would have gone back for more on Sunday, but my stomach had other plans.

I picked up their medical files from the doctor that retired, and paid their final bill with that doctor, and am holding on to the files until they see their new doctor in February.

I stayed home sick today. There was stuff I should have done for my folks, and for us, but I so badly needed to just chill that me and my cold went to bed after my Father-in-Law picked Logan up and I emailed work to let them know I was sick. I stayed there for several hours, in the happy oblivion that is sleep.

*SIGH*

Everytime my cell phone rings, I groan because I'm afraid it's my Mom with another request.

Ok, so other than all of that, everything's great, lol!

Anyway, Mom is going to get to go home soon. I need to hurry up and get her enrolled in Medi-cal. Hoping they qualify, as then someone can come to their house, in between the home-therapists that will visit, and help them out. 'Cause I need to work, and if I try to be there with Mom while Dad is at work on Wednesday and Thursday evenings, I'm going to break into several tiny pieces. I just don't have enough of myself to spread around. Which is pretty impressive considering how fat my ass is.

I also can't deal with taking care of Mom on the weekends while Dad is working. I mean, I'd never see my husband or my son, at that rate.

And really, when Dad is home, Dad can't physically take care of her if she's having problems taking care of herself. Dad can't bathe her. Dad can't lift her if she falls. And I can't quit my job and become her full-time caregiver, anyway. But she could get some help if she qualifies for Medi-cal.

And... and... that's not even everything, lol!

I... have... lost... what... little... mind... I... have... left.

My husband, my toddler, and my job are keeping me sane.

My husband has been incredibly awesome through all of this. And his Dad has been incredibly awesome. I don't know what I would do without those two.

Anyway, that's the current situation.

I'm just glad that Dad is still up to working at his part-time job. It's keeping him alive. And I'm glad Mom will be coming home soon. Although I know it doesn't mean I'm off the hook. Until she can really do math and write checks and read bills, that's still my bailiwick. But Mom's sure that her coming home will make life much easier on me.

Heh.

Heh-heh.

Heh-hah-heh-hah-heh-hah-hah-hah!!!!!!!!

*SIGH*

Ok, where's my Xanax??

Patio Floor 1, Logan 0

2009-02-03T14:44:00.000-08:00

Logan tripped on the rail for the sliding glass door and did a 360 onto the patio floor. :P During his tumbling "experiment", he unfortunately used his nose as a pivot point.

His nose didn't fare so well.

The dot on his forehead isn't part of it... it's just food he rubbed off his hands and onto his forehead.

Yet Another Fire

2009-01-19T00:59:00.000-08:00

So, we had another fire maybe a mile from our house.

The order was reversed from what we've become used to. Normally, fire happens, ash falls on power lines, power goes out. In this case, power line fell, power went out, downed power line caused fire. I don't know what brought the power line down.

I think I've lost count the number of times I've had to feed Logan IN THE DARK, WHEN THERE WAS A FIRE SOMEWHERE NEARBY. And it was strangely hot again, even though it's January. [The Gap Fire was in July. The combination of smoke outside and an unbearably hot house from the heat of the day, and no power to even run fans, was unbearable. The Tea House Fire was in early December, I think, and didn't actually affect us, but of course made us really nervous. And it managed to destroy alot of people's houses. :( ]

Anyway, I'm becoming old hand at feeding Logan and changing Logan in a blackout.

Man, the news sucked for this one. I tried various news channels on the radio, but couldn't get anything about the current power outage or fire. Didn't know if we might have to evacuate, or what the heck was going on. Sat there, changing radio channels, squinting in the dim light of candles and a flashlight as I tried to get the spoon into Logan's mouth.

My husband and I both have headlamps for hiking at night. They have become very useful during these fire-blackouts. My husband, after noting how we've had to feed Logan way too many times during blackouts, that Logan deserved his own headlamp now.

We had a load of work clothes in the dryer, sopping wet. The blackout lasted just long enough for me to think I might need to hang a clothesline in front of the fireplace. But it was back on at 9:30pm in our area (8:30pm across the highway from us)... 2 hours after it had gone off.

So I'm hurriedly getting loads of laundry done. I feel like I'm 2 hours behind on a Sunday night. :P

Just glad I didn't have to bathe Logan by flashlight. :P

Ok, goodnight everyone. Be safe. Godspeed.

Oh, almost forgot. Nothing like a blackout to make you take all your toys and ensure they are in their chargers once the power is back on. ;)

Lessons in Love

2009-01-07T14:49:00.000-08:00

My son is sick. And I think I've caught it.

Last week he started having a cough, then a runny nose, then post nasal drip I think. [You try looking into the throat of a stubborn, strong, uncooperative 13 month old. I figure post-nasal drip was involved as he would sniffle while sleeping and then have a coughing fit that sounded to me like some of the snot went down his throat.]

Sunday night he puked up the little bit of formula he was able to drink. Monday morning, I got 4 ounces of formula into the little guy, and he promptly puked that up at the doctor's office. So, the rest of Monday, and all of Tuesday, the poor little guy lived on nothing but Pedialyte.

Monday night he could not get comfortable when I tried to rock him to sleep. He was coughing, dry-heaving, and basically very miserable. He would start to get comfortable, fall asleep for maybe 5 minutes, and then a coughing fit would wake him up. On top of that, with no food in his stomach and trying to drink fluid with a clogged nose, he had swallowed alot of air and was having gas pains which would also wake him up.

If I tried to put him down in his crib when asleep, he would wake up and cry. If I tried to do it when awake, after having had a wrestling match with him in my arms, obviously totally uncomfortable there due to gas pains, he would cry. Either way, he'd want to be picked back up.

I tried explaining to him that there was just no way that I was going to be as comfortable for him as a bed, but all he knew was he felt like crap, was often in pain, and wanted to be held. Even if that meant he was being held in my arms while he flung himself all over the place, as if attempting to get me to drop him.

I started getting angry. Not at him, but at God, and at the virus. I mean he was just a little kid, and he was suffering so much. And the times he got to sleep, he would be asleep for about 3 to 10 minutes, and then wake up. It started to feel like I was being teased! After maybe the 5th time, I was all like, "ah, come on!!!" Again, I wasn't mad at Logan but at the bug that was doing this to him. Or at God, I guess.

I failed the Job test.

Good thing God is forgiving.

I was praying that Logan would get better and be able to sleep. At first it was for his sake, but as I got more and more exhausted, it started selfishly being more for my sake. :P Some mother I am.

Anyway...

Either Tuesday or just today the following hit me: this was nothing. Absolutely nothing. I knew a little 3 year old girl named Katie who has liver cancer, and suffers terribly. I knew that her Sister, Parents, and the rest of her family got very little sleep on the bad nights. And that the bad nights were numerous, due to the illness and the chemo. And, like me, they still had to work in the mornning. Unlike me, they couldn't take days off if they weren't feeling well or felt too tired... like I took Tuesday off as I was exhausted and coming down with Logan's bug. They need all the money they can get to pay for Katie's treatment. I mean, there's no way in hell that if there's a treatment that could save her, that they were going to avoid it because of their budget.

So, I'm a moron. I'm fighting off a bug, Logan is fighting off a bug. But Logan doesn't have cancer, and I can afford to take a day off if I need to... although not too many days off, as Logan and I have both been sick on and off all December. [Ah, December and winter in general: 'tis the season to be sneezing.]

But anyway, this has been a lesson in love. A lesson in humility. A lesson in counting my blessings. A lesson in not feeling so sorry for myself.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go cough up a lung.

Oh, I forgot to add one thing. Realizing the mercilessness of the bug Logan was fighting, I started wishing there was some way I could cause it pain. Some way I could find it, it's parents, it's siblings, it's children, and it's friends and other family, and kill them all slowly... with immense pain.

I started to fantasize that once I got to the vomiting stage, maybe I could take the vomit and heat it up over the stove to painfully torture and kill any of the virus that I puked up. Yes, I was starting to get a, uhm, little strange.

Feeling helpless does weird things to you sometimes.

Asses of Fire

2008-11-28T12:07:00.000-08:00

It's 4:57am. The Friday after Thanksgiving.

If I have the runs one more time, I think I will implode. :P

I don't think it's a food bug. I think I just ate alot of stuff I really shouldn't have.

Still, other than the runs, Thanksgiving was quite nice. :)

It was my baby boy Logan's first Thanksgiving. He turns 1 year old on December 5th.

My husband and Logan and I met my parents at the Frog Bar and Grill at 1:30pm for a Thanksgiving brunch. My Dad had to be at work at 4:30pm, so eating a brunch worked out quite well. And the weather was lovely, in spite of all the rain and fear of flooding after all the fires in the area. The sun came out, expansive blue skies, and everything.

Logan got to have scrambled eggs and pieces of a croissant. And of course cheerios. Can't have a meal w/o cheerios anymore. ;) I also offered him pieces of a cantaloupe and pieces of a sweet potato, but I don't think he ate any of it.

My Father-in-Law spent Thanksgiving with my husband's brother, so he missed out on our fun, but got to enjoy time with his great-grand-kids. I think he may have wished he could be in 2 places at the same time, as he seemed a little bummed about missing Logan's first Thanksgiving. But he still had an awesome time with the rest of the family. :)

What did I eat... what did this to me. Let's see. Pre-brunch was a Jimmy Dean breakfast croissant with sausage, egg, and cheese. But not all of it. And some of Logan's cheerios. And some green tea.

Brunch was 2 orange juices, 2 champagnes, croissant, sweet potato, stuffing, cucumber, bell pepper salad, smoked salmon, scrambled eggs, strawberries, cantaloupe, and I think that's it. All small portions: it all fit on one plate, except the eggs were on a separate plate that I then used to feed Logan from. Well, the champagne probably dehydrated me.

Then when we went home, after some tea, and after a bottle (for Logan, not for me, LOL), went down with Logan for a nap at 4:30pm. Woke up at 6pm. Fed Logan. And ate... the wrong thing. Obviously. Chips and hot cheese dip. Lots. And a strawberry frozen fruit bar. And chocolate milk. And a turkey/cheese/bread sandwich husband called a "Royal George", but now he's not so sure of the name. Normally also includes mayo, but I included mustard instead.

Did have some of Logan's banana, and more of his Cheerios. But that was the only healthy thing this Thanksgiving evening.

Anyway, something I ate was the wrong thing.

So far, poor Logan is having the opposite problem: he is pooing less than normal. It takes time for a baby's system to become used to new food. Really, to solid food in general. It's just a new way of digesting. I think he's just overwhelmed by the whole "chewing" experience, LOL. Ok, "gumming" -- he only has 8 teeth, and they are all incisors. However, judging by the drooling, chewing on anything that's immobile and not nailed down, and general grumpiness, he's definitely trying to cut a tooth.

Well, campers, it's after 5am. My intestines feel like they may be done for the moment. And the Tylenol PM is winning over my feeling like crap from the runs, so I think I can finally get some sleep. At least until Logan wakes up, LOL. ;)

I think Friday is going to be an oat-meal and banana and Cheerios kind of day.

Ok, I was going to post this before I crawled back into bed at 5am, but didn't do it. Doing it now.

Tastes like chicken

2008-11-12T01:58:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted since July 30th 2008. Whoa.

What's happened since then? Let me see.

August: uhm... hmph. It's like a blur. September: we had our 10th Wedding Anniversary. My parents had their ... 41st? 42nd? Let's see... I'm 40, it took Mom a year to talk Dad into having me... probably 42nd.

October: Logan had his first Halloween. :) Dressed him up as Yoda. Pics are up on Flickr, but more pics need to be uploaded due to not everything getting offloaded from our digital camera. 'Course, he didn't like wearing the ears, and his head was too big for the ears to be snapped up underneath his chin, so he was sorta Obi-Wan Kenobi for the rest of the night. :)

I let him play with my lightsaber. Yes, I'm 40, and I own a lightsaber. *Brrrrssshhhhnnnnnnng* Want to make something of it?

I bought it from ThinkGeek a few years ago. Makes all kinds of cool sound effects. It's red. Of course. :)

Logan liked it. Kept touching the part that, if it were real, would have sliced his hands off, but I'll teach him the importance of only touching the hilt when he's old enough. :)

Yes, yes, I'm such a geek.

Ended up with ALOT of Halloween candy left over. Not too many trick-o-treaters this year. Bummer. I think the trend of going to "safe shopping malls" where stores are handing out candy is affecting our foot traffic. :P

Ok, that and I didn't decorate until the very last minute. I've heard that if you want foot traffic, you want to decorate at least a week in advance. Apparently the kids scope out the houses prior to the event to ensure they hit the high-candy spots.

Early November we went to our niece's son's 1st birthday party. I think their son had a good time. Our son took over one of the blankets laid on the grass and started playing with their son's toy humvee, LOL! But their son didn't seem to mind.

Logan is all about things that roll. Especially things with wheels. My Mom keeps saying I gave birth to a linebacker because of how quickly he's grown, but now I'm wondering if he's not going to be a race car driver!

And he's almost walking. He will hold onto things and kindof totter around. And he will let go and stand and maintain his balance for a few seconds before DOWN HE GOES! :)

Well, his first birthday is coming up. December 5th. Then his 2nd Christmas. Alot to do before both events.

He's eating more "real food". It just needs to be chopped up into tiny bits as he doesn't have any molars yet. Just 8 incisors. No eye-teeth. He likes cheerios, cut-up strawberries, cut-up cantaloup, and chopped+skinned grapes. I tried just chopping the grapes, but he ended up with grape skins in his mouth that he couldn't quite swallow, and that I had to fish out.

He's also had spaghetti with ground beef and Ragu. Finely chopped up, of course. And I tried to mash some peas for him, but he's still not doing so good on any vegetables that are of the green variety.

Ellie, our female, hasn't been feeling well. But her numerous expensive tests haven't shown that there is anything wrong with her. Am thinking she must be getting into stuff. So am trying to be more careful... ensure she can't eat anything in the fireplace (sometimes we burn pizza cartons in there), and making sure there aren't any candy wrappers for chocolate candies anywhere she can get them. I think that her extra-curricular eating has made her stomach a little fragile. Kindof like after you have a stomach illness, it's easier to upset your stomach by accident for a while.

Logan... who won't eat any green vegetables... surprised us the other day when he went to Ellie's dog dish and ate some of the dog food Ellie had left in there from this morning! I truly didn't think he would do that. I truly thought he was just going over there to push her dog dish around, as he likes to do that. [And thankfully our dogs aren't food aggressive, so he hasn't started any fights by doing that. Heh... watching the dogs trying to eat from a moving bowl has been quite entertaining at times!] But anyway, yes, Logan put dog food in his mouth. And was working on gumming it and swallowing it, but I raced over and started fishing that out of his mouth. And then I started worrying that whatever was upsetting Ellie's stomach was now going to start attacking Logan's tummy! This is of course assuming Ellie might have been fighting something viral or bacterial off.

However, if she was fighting something off, it apparently isn't contagious to humans. Either that or Logan has a cast iron stomach. ;)

Ok, can't think of anything else. I know I'm forgetting something, but that is the highlights, as far as I can remember it. Consider yourself up to date... that is, until I remember what I forgot to post. :)

Oh, dear Lord, what is that disgusting stench?!?!?

2008-07-30T03:03:00.000-07:00

... and other stories.

Not something I get to say often, even with changing diapers. But I got to comment about and smell a horrific stench Sunday evening AND Tuesday morning. I'm just special that way. ;)

So, we had a mouse in the kitchen cabinets. I was pretty sure it may have moved to other locations in the house... honestly, it may have, and the mouse I found Sunday may have been mouse #2. Whatever.

There was this strange smell coming from the kitchen for the past few days. I checked and changed the garbage fairly often. I ran the garbage disposal. Nope, not coming from there. I finally went ahead and looked in the lower kitchen cabinets on Sunday evening. I about fell on my butt, the smell was so bad.

Our electronic mouse trap definitely had something. I couldn't verify for sure until I opened the lid, but that horrific smell was definitely coming from it. The trap is supposed to show a little green light for 24 hours after it has killed something. Unfortunately, I must have missed the 24 hour window. By a few days.

I dumped Mr. Very Dead Mickey Mouse out into a trash bag. It was covered in maggots, and some of it's fur remained in the trap. I'll spare you a graphic picture... I didn't have the fortitude or disgusting forethought to capture a picture of Mickey, unlike the other 2 times I decided to gross out my audience with a picture of a still-alive-but-trapped Minny Mouse, or the picture of my puke on the lawn after a sudden bout of food poisoning.

After talking to my Father-in-Law, he told me it was highly likely the trap wouldn't work again, just on the basis that the smell of death would probably cling to it for a long while. I didn't have the courage to pull out the leftover mouse fur or even try to clean the electronic trap, so $20.00 of mouse-killing plastic hardware and wire went into a different trash bag.

So, that was Sunday evening.

Our female German Shepherd, Ellie, has been getting into the one trash can we have that sits at floor level. Well, we have a 2nd trash can that sits at floor level, but it's very tall, and the dogs haven't figured out yet that it's possible for them to tip it over. Thank the Lord!

Ditto for the fact that they haven't figured out they could probably jump the backyard fence if they wanted to, LOL!

Our male German Shepherd Boss has long been getting into any floor-level trash he can find, even if it was partially burned up in the fireplace. Boss has also been getting really sneaky and taking food off the kitchen counter-tops, or off of my tray next to the recliner. It's been getting worse, and Ellie has decided to follow suite. I guess I can't blame either one of them: they barely get any attention anymore with our baby boy Logan being around. They desperately need to be walked, and their nails are in bad need of filing down. :P They could also really use a bath. Oh, crap... and I'm about a week or so late on their Frontline and Sentinel!!! [Memo to self: medicate the dogs!!!!]

Boss eats poop he finds in the backyard. Thankfully he mostly finds his own or Ellie's poop. Hopefully he doesn't often find other critter's poop... that could give him worms. But anyway, he's used to eating the strangest stuff. His stomach can handle the most amazing things now.

In the little trash can next to the recliner there are often several Reesus Peanut Butter Cups wrappers. Boss eats these w/o any problems. Ellie, however, has been giving herself the runs from getting into them.

Well, Monday night she got into them again. It was a bad night for her to pull that stunt. My husband was getting up at 4:30am Tuesday morning in order to catch a flight. Logan needed comforting at 2am in order to fall back to sleep after a nightmare or some other problem. The he needed to be held and allowed to fall asleep on me while I sat in the recliner with him at 3am. I tried to let my husband sleep through both events considering he was going to have to get up so early.

After I put Logan back in his crib, I let the dogs out for what I hoped was the last time that night/early morning. I was so wrong.

My husband left at 5:30am for the airport. I passed into a deep sleep finally.

At 7:30am, the dogs desperately wanted out. They bugged me quite a bit. I finally relented and got up. But I wasn't prompt enough.

Ellie had left a huge amount of diarrhea on the living room carpet.

It didn't smell too bad just yet. Maybe my nose wasn't awake. I let the dogs out, and put their water outside, and kept them out there. I didn't want them walking through that mess, nor did I want Ellie making any new messes if she wasn't done having the runs.

I took a trash bag and used it to initially scrape up the poop. This disturbed the stench hovering above and in the poop. I about gagged and almost puked then and there.

About 40 minutes and several applications of Petastic and paper towels later, I gave up, poured a bunch of Petastic onto the poo stain directly from the refill jug, and took all the soiled paper towels out to the garage. There they joined Mickey Mouse in the trash can. I gave up cleaning the poo stain as Logan was crying. Ah, time to go from dealing with canine elimination to baby elimination. At least Logan wore a diaper and was unlikely to get poop on the carpet.

Around 8:30am, I gave the Little Guy a bottle and had him come back to bed with me. I was DEAD TIRED, and ended up passing out. I didn't wake up until Logan wanted another bottle after 11am.

The poor dogs watched me wandering around inside and begged to be let in. But I felt like I needed a break from any further doggy digestion problems that morning, plus I hadn't fully finished cleaning up Mr. Poo stain.

I was standing at the kitchen counter, making a bottle for Logan, while he sat in his rocking chair watching Baby TV. It was a little after 11:40am. I was SO late for work, SO dead tired, and had missed a morning doctor's appointment. I looked to my right, and saw some hanging items in the kitchen swinging back and forth. Huh? Looked to my left, and Logan's jumper was also swinging. Looked straight ahead into the dining room, and saw the chandelier also swaying back and forth. Hmmm... I could see we'd had an earthquake, but I had actually not felt it. Very bizarre. Guess my Spidey Earthquake Sense was no longer functioning.

I was 10 miles from the epicenter of a 6.2 earthquake in 1984. Ever since then, I was always hyper sensitive to the ground swaying. It was weird to see an earthquake happen, and not even feel it. I mean, I felt a San Francisco quake that happened in October 1989 and caused freeways to collapse... and I felt it from about 300 miles away, while sitting in the computer lab in college. Everyone there thought I was hallucinating when I asked them if they'd felt it.

Tuesday's quake was a 5.4 (downgraded from a 5.8) earthquake in Los Angeles... which is a ways away from us.

My Mom called to make sure I was ok. She lives in the same city as we do. I was highly amused, as being over 100 miles away from the epicenter of a 5.4 isn't usually cause for alarm! But she'd been lying down when it hit, and had totally felt it. I teased her before hanging up, saying that I was trapped under something heavy, but otherwise I was doing fine. :) "Very funny," Mom replied.

The next person to call was my husband. I don't think he was so much concerned as curious, as if it had been serious enough I'd have given him a call. [Unless I was still trapped under that aforementioned heavy object.]

Finally got Logan off to daycare and my butt into work. Worked really late. Got out... my right rear tire was flat. :P

And my husband was out of town...

But wait! I had the cool tire inflater that I'd purchased after talking to my Father-in-Law about it a while back. It's powered from the cigarette lighter. Worked like a charm.

Then headed off in search of "Fix a Flat", a can of compressed air and stuff that's supposed to seal flat tires. I just wanted to have it on hand. Then picked up Logan from my Father-in-Law's, and headed home to enjoy finishing cleaning up the poop stain.

And to enjoy dealing with a plague of flies in the house! We've been having some extra fly problems of late, but this was ridiculous! Ended up setting some bait out for them such that they would be sitting in a cup and I'd have a good chance of using the battery powered fly zapper on them.

And that's been my weird Tuesday. Well, weird few days.

I never thought I'd find something that smelled worse than skunk, but the dead mouse, and Ellie's diarrhea, were really just phenomenally foul.

Wednesday I get to call the tire place to get my tires checked. This is the 2nd time the rear right one has gone flat. Before the tire shop thought I might have a leaky valve stem. My Father-in-Law thinks I may have cracks in my tires that are more easily influenced to open up when my car is parked in just the right, or in this case wrong, position. His explanation makes the best sense at this point.

Well, I'm typing while sleep deprived. It's time to put he laptop away and try to get some much-needed zzzzzz's.

To quote one of my favorite Baby TV programs, "Shushy-Bye and Goodnight". :)

Bad parents, no donut

2008-07-06T13:53:00.000-07:00

We're sitting here watching Law and Order. It's nearly 2pm. Logan (our baby boy) is asleep on our bed in our nice, dark, cool bedroom, after having been fed a bottle.

The dogs are VERY attentive to us.

Me: "They must be hungry."

Husband: "Oh, we haven't fed them."

Me: "No... we only feed things that scream and cry."

4 a.m.

2008-06-29T13:47:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 4am having to pee.

Husband was asleep. Boss and Ellie, our German Shepherds, were snoozing away.

Logan, our nearly 7-month old, was sleeping on our bed. At 2am, we'd given up and brought him to bed with us, in his co-sleeper. It was just easier than getting up to comfort him every hour. And yeah, we have to break him of that... he's got to sleep in his own room through the night. But I can totally understand his not wanting to sleep alone.

I have a bad habit of skin-picking when I'm stressed. I target bumps, bug bites, scars, pimples, scabs, edges of wounds left over after picking out a scab, etc. If I find something to pick in one area, I sometimes branch out in that area, continuing to pick.

Yeah, this is NOT a good thing to be doing to myself. :P I know. It's a form of self-injury, and is something that people sometimes fall into using as a bad coping strategy. It's sometimes triggered by my OCD.

So, the last bug bite or pimple or whatever was in my scalp, near my forehead. Been stressing in general... new project at work in new programming language, taking care of baby at night, sleep deprivation... wee. And I sometimes pick at night while lying awake, trying to fall asleep, and that was the case this night.

Anyway, 4am, and I got up to pee. I walk into the bathroom, turn on the light. There's a few small scabs that I'd peeled out of my hair, that's stuck to my bangs. I sigh. There's another peeled-off scab on the top of my head towards the back. Wow, they moved around after I picked them off.

I do my business, go to wash my hands. As I'm soaping up my hands, I look up at myself in the mirror.

The scab on my hair towards the back of my head...

... has 8 legs and is moving!!!

Where do I start?

2008-06-26T02:15:00.000-07:00

So, my parents have been having problems getting online. Last time they had problems reading their email, it was because they neglected to double-click on the email subject. I don't know if the reason they weren't double-clicking was because the web interface had changed and they originally didn't have to double-click, or if they simply forgot how the web email interface worked.

Anyway, I was pretty sure that this situation would be similar. I was thinking that in the long term, I should simply come over and install Eudora, a very good email client that I used to use "back in the day".

My Mom cut me some slack and said she would call Verizon herself, and talk to their technical support. I was very encouraged by her proactive attitude, and hoped it would all go well.

Well, she called the tech support, and talked to a very sweet gal. But there was a disconnect somewhere in the conversation. And about an hour later, while I was at work and about to head out to go grocery shopping, I get a phone call.

Mom: "Well, I talked to the gal at Verizon. And now I can't get the modem plugged back in."

Me: "Huh? What do you mean you can't get it plugged back in?"

Mom: "I just can't get it plugged back in."

After explaining I couldn't come over, being told that was ok, but then hearing of some more difficulties they were having, I groaned and said I was coming right over.

I drove like a bat out of hell to get there. I was hoping I'd lose a minimal amount of time plugging the DSL modem back in, and spend most of the time showing Mom how to reset it in the event it went out to lunch again. I assumed that's why the tech. had them unplug the DSL modem's power... to ensure it got a good reset.

I needed to finish helping my parents out quickly so I'd have enough time to go grocery shopping w/o wearing out our babysitter, aka my Father-in-Law.

It's been intensely and unseasonably hot for a few days. The baby has been sleeping with us in the "co-sleeper" bed, in the middle of our bed. He's too long for the co-sleeper, so I literally took scissors and cut off the end!

Logan's been sleeping with us because the master bedroom is the only one that has air conditioning. It got air conditioning in late May one weekend... about a week after a heat-wave.

During the recent heat wave, it never really cooled off at night. Well, our house didn't, anyway! The heat wave was breaking, but I was really wiped out and in a BAD mood.

I got to my parent's place after cursing out several very slow drivers. Knocked impatiently. Marched into the living room, went straight for the computer. Looked at the DSL modem, which was happily plugged in. Reached to my left towards the computer, and noticed...

...that the mouse was unplugged.

Me: "You unplugged the mouse."

Mom: "Yes..."

Me: "Why did you unplug the mouse?"

Mom: "Well, she told me to do that."

Me: "No, she told you to unplug the modem."

Mom: "Oh. I thought she said the mouse."

In all fairness, in the middle of the conversation with the tech, their portable phone died, and they had to call the tech back later to finish trying to fix their internet connection. So, that could have greatly contributed to their confusion about which device to unplug!

That and their hearing may not be all that great. My Mom is 79, and my Dad is 85! And the fact that they can get online and even check and/or type email, considering how recent that technology is and considering how they certainly didn't start out as computer geeks, is something I have to really give them credit for.

I've noticed that the older you are, the harder it is to go through a paradigm shift, especially if you aren't used to adopting new technologies in general. So in order to survive, you basically have to always be learning something new, if only to keep your brain limber enough to handle the next paradigm shift. And of course you have to watch to see what that paradigm shift is going to be, so you don't get left behind. My parents do keep learning, but high-tech stuff is still difficult for them. It would help if they actually were interested in computers... it's really hard to learn something that you aren't interested in. I know from experience, from starting in the wrong Engineering major before I got a clue and went after Computer Science.

So, back to our story:

There I am, finding out that the device that was unplugged was the mouse and not the DSL modem.

I groan, and reach around to plug the mouse back in.

I can't get it to fit.

It's a PS2 connector. It can only go in one way. It's fairly idiot proof.

I carefully try to push it in the way it should go. It won't budge.

I pull it out and look at it.

The pins are bent.

Me: "The pins are bent."

Mom: "What?"

Me: "What did you do to this mouse cable's connector?"

Mom: "Well, we were having problems trying to get it back on. We tried to turn it."

Me, looking horrified, and turning back to the computer: "Oh, I'm sorry."

Mom: "It's ok, dear."

Me: "I was talking to the computer!" Literally, I was. Hey, I'm a computer geek.

I studied the connector. It might be salvageable. I asked Dad for some pliers, and was unfortunately kinda snotty with my folks at one point. I was tired, but I had no excuse. You're supposed to honor your parents. Heh... now that I'm a parent, am hoping my son is merciful with me in my old age, LOL!

I pulled out the keyboard connector and held the mouse and keyboard PS2 connectors next to each other, to get a GOOD reminder of the CORRECT position of the pins. And then I spent the next 20 minutes with the pliers, slowly pushing the pins back into place. It took 20 minutes in part because I'd think I had gotten it, would try to push the connector back in, and it still wouldn't fit. So I'd have to do more fine tuning.

Early on in my pin-unbending experience, I noticed my Dad hovering behind me. Unfortunately, more snottiness on my part ensued.

Me: "Hovering doesn't help."

My Dad took the Lord's name in vain and walked away muttering. I immediately regretted my impatient comment, and apologized later.

I should say that, given how hard it is to reach the back of the computer where it is in the living room, coupled with their age and the low light levels in that section of the living room, it's understandable that they, uhm, didn't get along with the PS2 connector.

And also, in their defense, they have NEVER thought the CD-ROM drive was a cup holder!!!

The long and the short of it is that the mouse is working again. And that as far as I could tell, their phone line was fine. So it was either the DSL modem or something wrong with Verizon. Or so I thought. Anyway, my parent's not being able to get online was not a PEBKAC at all. [PEBKAC == problem exists between keyboard and chair, i.e., user-error.]

Verizon sent someone out and the tech (who my parents were very impressed with) figured out that there was just too much hooked up to that one phone line. It was a very long line that was split twice to go to an answering machine and a fax machine. So he went ahead and added a jack in their wall, and now they are happily back online.

Still thinking about installing Eudora on their computer, though. ;) Afraid the web-interface for reading email is just SO busy. Very ad and news heavy, lots of popups and distractions. Makes it harder for non-techy people to get around. [No offense, Verizon.]

Anyway, I had thought I was doing really well with maintaining my patience, considering how I can handle Logan crying now, but I was wrong. Still need to work on my patience with people above the age of 1, LOL.

Oh, and my parents are NOW very much aware of the fact that NOTHING ON THE BACK OF THE COMPUTER REQUIRES TWISTING IN ORDER TO BE PLUGGED IN!!!!

Me: "Even if it acts like you can twist it, just don't!" Don't worry, I was laughing when I said it, and so were they.

Course, after I told them that, and had driven back home, I remembered how you have to unscrew the 2 screws on a serial connector in order to disconnect it. :P

I think I just need to give them a back-of-the-computer training session, LOL! Or hope that no techs tell them to disconnect a serial cable...

Baby crawling still needs work

2008-06-22T18:22:00.000-07:00

My husband and I were watching our son try to crawl on our bed. Forward crawling is no-where near sight, but there's a bit of reverse going on, but it feels partially unintentional. The concept of being up on his knees at the same time he's up on his hands is lost to him still. He covers a much larger distance when he rolls, although he also sometimes gets an arm stuck under him when doing this.

We watched him for a bit, encouraging him, laughing with him and playing with him. And it suddenly hit me:

Me: "He crawls like a defective hermit crab."

Tasty knees

2008-06-21T19:31:00.000-07:00

I was on the floor with Logan. He rolled over to me and started sucking on my knee. [He's teething.]

Me: "Logan, there's no breast milk in my knee."

He started acting like my knee didn't taste very good.

Me, grinning: "I'm sorry I didn't do anything to enhance the flavor of my knee for you, Logan..."

Husband: "Damn you..."

Milestones and Millstones

2008-06-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

I started writing this ages and ages ago, and never finished. Kinda silly, but am posting it now.

Oh, and the skin cancer was removed. The scarring was minimal. And Logan is starting to almost crawl backwards. Forwards is still a challenge. And rolling is getting better, but his arms get stuck under him sometimes and keep him from being able to roll where he wants to, LOL! And he isn't sitting up yet, but is better at holding himself up a little with his arms. And we started solid food when he turned 6 months on June 5th. And I turned 40 on June 10th, but was sick with an intestinal virus. And then hubby got the virus for Father's Day. Weeeee.

And the sleep deprivation feels like it's killing me. But have started taking melatonin, since I'm no longer breast feeding, since (1) made it to the 6 month mark, (2) before the doc knew it might be viral, he thought it was an infection and put me on Cipro... no breast feeding while on that, (3) I was having issues, anyway, as my left boob had dried up due to an idiotic lack of using it that made it start to produce less that made Logan start to want it less that made it start to produce even less that... yeah. So gave up.

Anyway, here's the long update that never got posted. It's from April I think. :)

Oh, and the friend who was out of work is now working at my company. And we got our own Playstation 3 after he took his back, LOL!

Houston, we have roll

He's done it! Logan just turned 4 months on April 5th, and he's rolled over!

We need to get pictures... a sortof time lapse thing. Wait, our camera can take video... so it should be video. Definitely video. :)

Once he got onto his stomach, he managed to pull himself a little, but then got to the point where he didn't know what else to do now that he was there. And he didn't know how to get back to his comfort zone, i.e., lying on his back. So the crying started. So I rolled him back over. :)

He's done it twice today so far. I think I'd better bold the changing pad to the desk in his room, and start RELIGIOUSLY using the changing pad's strap!

Ack! Phbbbbbbbt!

Logan wasn't done with rolling... now we have raspberries! With tongue! So far, he hasn't sprayed anyone in the face. As fas as I know.

That accomplishment was April 6th's highlight. :)

Carpet Cleaning

So there's this new Woolite carpet cleaning thing, called a Rug Stick. You scrub the rug with it, taking care of high traffic areas.

Our entire carpet is one big high traffic area. The German Shepherds track in more dust and dirt than I would have thought possible. And man, do they shed! Husband bought a special vacuum in order to try to reign in the flying fur. He has to empty it for every room he vacuums. And he's vacuuming fairly regularly.

When we first looked at our house, we were told the owner had put in brand new white carpeting. We had been living in an apartment that didn't allow dogs, and knew that the moment we had a yard, we were getting a German Shepherd.

We'd looked at the beautiful carpet, at each other, and started snickering. It was NOT going to stay white for long! He should have just left the old carpeting.

And sure enough, it's more of a beige to tan now... at least we don't get upset at spills, or Logan spitting up.

But now, with Logan, we realize it REALLY needs to be a bit cleaner. Especially now that he's getting closer to crawling.

Crap... we need to get everything dangerous out of range of the Little Guy now. Well, at least he won't chew up and destroy the remote controls the way Boss dog did when he first joined our "pack". :)

Skin Cancer

So, I have this teeny black dot on my forehead. If you look more closely, you'll see that it's actually the black thread of stitches. It's from having a tiny sore on my forehead biopsed. The sore was one of those suspicious sores that refused to heal.

And yeah, it's skin cancer. It's malignant. But it's not something that's moving really fast. I've had it for probably about 2 years. Should have dealt with it earlier, but wasn't up to dealing with it during the pregnancy.

On April 23rd, I go back in to have it removed. If it's significantly large, maybe I'll get a tattoo over the scar... maybe a bulls-eye, LOL. :)

First Day Back

So, I'm back at work. The sleep deprivation and trying to get ready in the morning, trying to clean bottles every night in spite of Logan's fussing... well, sometimes I'm down to 4 hours of sleep at night.

Typing this while Logan is ironically totally asleep in his playpen. Am tempted to leave him there, since he's sleeping so well. Just worried that if I do that, w/o having the SID's monitor under him, that something will happen.

Of course, it's not like, while I'm sitting here typing this or watching TV or whatever, that I'm going to be able to watch him every second to ensure he's still breathing.

They just shouldn't tell new Mom's about SID's. They should just tell them to keep their babies sleeping on their backs because otherwise their noses will grow funny or something.

Oh my God, Ponies!

Well, our friend D came by and TOOK HIS PLAYSTATION 3 BACK. We have a widescreen TV, and so D had brought his PS3 here in... October? And was enjoying playing Warhawk 3 here. It looked so much prettier on our large flat-panel TV vs. his old TV at home that he just left the PS3 here and would come over to play.

He was laid off a few months ago, and he recently became gainfully employed again. He'd saved up enough, and purchased his own huge flat-panel widescreen TV. So his PS3 and his copy of Warhawk went bye-bye. Sigh.

We lasted about 3 or 4 days, and then Hubby went and picked up a new PS3, Ratchet and Clank, and downloaded Warhawk. :) Ironically, I bugged him about doing it... I don't play Warhawk at all, but I LOVE watching him play the game.

And so does Logan. :)

We also noticed that Logan likes Ratchet and Clank as well, but I think he's more fond of Warhawk, as he's more used to watching that game!

Parenting

Which brings us to a sad confession: because Logan enjoys watching PS3 games so much, we call it "parenting" whenever Hubby starts playing. ;)

Almost on a Schedule

Father-in-Law's been babysitting while I'm taking a break from motherhood known as a 40 hour a week job. Father-in-Law's obviously raised children before, and so has been getting a really good feeling for the schedule Logan's starting to settle into.

Random

2008-06-19T22:20:00.000-07:00

While bottle feeding Logan, was for some reason playing John William's music in my head.

Is it just me, or is the The March of the Villains song from the original Superman soundtrack VERY similar to the Ewok's theme from Return of the Jedi?

All fired up...

2008-02-26T04:30:00.000-08:00

My Mom does volunteer work for a particular charitable organization. New management has moved in. She and her coworkers don't exactly see eye to eye with the new people in power.

Mom: "I'm afraid they're going to fire me..."

Me: "How can they fire you if they aren't paying you?"

Hubby, grinning: "They'll just have to find someone else not to pay."

Learning to walk on Coals...

2008-02-20T00:45:00.000-08:00

Out of the frying pan, and into the fire...

So, learning how to walk on coals here. ;)

This is just getting bloody ridiculous.

Monday February 4th, after I had called my HR rep about my options for extending my maternity leave (in order to give myself more time to find daycare places with openings for Logan), I started to not feel so hot. Well, actually I started to feel very hot. And chilled. And cold. And sweaty. And shaky. And my back HURT.

My Father-in-Law was over, helping me out with Logan, so I could get stuff done around the house. His being at our place with Logan was also good therapy for him, considering he just lost his wife on January 18th.

I let him know that I thought I needed to go to the doctor, and asked him if he could watch Logan while I went. I wrapped myself up in a blanket and took my temperature. While shaking violently, I read it and realized it was nearly 102. And it had that feeling of something that wasn't finished increasing.

My Father-in-Law didn't like the idea of me driving myself while feverish, and I agreed. My parents weren't home. Hubby was busy. Father-in-Law put Logan in the car seat and drove all 3 of us in my car to the doc-in-a-box.

I had a urinary tract infection that had moved into my kidneys. Due to the C-section, I have reduced sensation in my bladder. Literally it's like I have a man's bladder... I can hold it until I finally sense I REALLY should find a bathroom. And unfortunately, the sensation of it burning when I peed was also reduced, so I didn't realize I'd come down with a urinary tract infection until it had already made it to my kidneys, causing my back to hurt. I did have a slight sensation of burning, but it was so slight, and I was so busy with Logan, etc., that I thought nothing of it at the time. It was just too low on the radar considering all the other blips I was dealing with.

The Doc thought my flu/cold may have also been coming back, as I also mentioned having a sore throat over the weekend. And of course there's the high fever. But in fact, the fever was entirely due to the fact that my body was trying to fight the infection off in the kidneys.

The Doc prescribed stuff for the flu/cold (just in case), for the fever, and for a urinary tract infection.

Hubby met me at the clinic. Father-in-Law took Logan back home. Hubby drove me home, where I crawled into bed and continued to shake violently. Hubby drove to Longs and picked up prescriptions, bringing them back after what seemed like an eternity to my fevered brain. I took meds, and ate a burger hubby brought back, and then curled back up into bed.

I couldn't stop shaking, and coming out from under the covers made me feel intolerably cold.

The next day I was feeling somewhat better. Father-in-Law came by to take care of me and Logan. By the afternoon, when it was too soon to take ibuprofin again for my fever, I got up past 102 again. I called to try to find the doc and see if I could take the ibuprofin earlier, but he wasn't at the clinic that day. I called hubby. Hubby came home and took me to the ER!

I whined when they wanted me to take my jacket off so they could take my blood pressure. I was so cold I couldn't stand it. My fever was getting close to 103. I was dehydrated. They gave me something for my fever, then tried to find a vein. I was super-sensitive to any skin pain due to the fever, and also feeling really sorry for myself. And highly emotional. Basically, I'm not at my best when I have a high fever. I cried like a baby when they kept having to stick me with needles to finally find a viable vein to pump fluids into. It was freaking embarrassing.

My fever broke finally with sufficient meds given to me to reduce it. Took about 1 or 2 hours. While it was going down, they tested my blood and my pee. They swabbed my nose to see if I had influenza. [I didn't.] They gave me antibiotics in the 2nd bag of saline they pumped into me. And they told me to quit taking my current antibiotics, and to start a course of CIPRO.

I was on @#$@^!Q#$ Cipro. They use that for Anthrax. I was on freaking Cipro.

Hubby dropped off the Cipro prescription on his way to work the next day, as we didn't get home from the ER until almost 10pm. My parents came by to take care of me, and picked up the prescription on their way in. I think. That whole week of dealing with the kidney infection is all a little fuzzy. Fevers are fun. :P

I spent most of that week sleeping alot. And not breast feeding Logan, as he couldn't have any breast milk with any of the 3 antibiotics I had in my blood by then. So I was pumping and dumping, and the plethora of baby bottles I had recently bought were suddenly coming in VERY handy for feeding Logan formula.

On Monday 2/11, I was well enough to take Ellie to the vet while my parents watched Logan. And that was about the extent of what I accomplished that day. But anyway, it was nice to actually drive my car instead of having someone else drive me due to my being too feverish!

Just to make life interesting, also on that day, my right boob felt like it had a clogged milk duct. But that passed thankfully on its own, w/o any extra doctor/ER trips.

On Tribe, I posted a prayer of sorts after having posted the above in my Tribe blog:

"Lord, please... we need help. My husband is SO tired of taking care of both Logan and me. I'm so tired of being exhausted, sick and useless. And I'm running out of time here... I need to be healthy and on top of things so I can find a daycare place and go back to work. Shoot, poor Logan is still stuffed up from catching our colds."

Yeah, I was feeling sorry for myself, and for Logan and for my Hubby. And for my tired Parents, and my tired and sad Father-in-Law. And for my Mother-in-Law's other Kids and her Sisters.

And I was just feeling really damned tired. :P

A couple of days later, Wednesday February 13th, I was in a better mood. A bunch of my Tribe friends had sent me their good wishes and prayers and comforting words, and I was getting my energy back. God was answering prayer, helping me to catch my breath.

Thursday the 14th I was able to start breast feeding again. Flow was a little slow... I hadn't been good about pumping alot while I was feeling so sick, as I was so tired all the time. But it picked back up, and I supplemented Logan's diet with formula until I'd talked my boobies into being good moo-cows again. ;)

I talked to my boss. He was ok with my taking 30 calendar days off at the end of the 12 weeks of maternity leave. If I were to go back at the end of the 12 weeks, my first day back at work would be Wednesday February 27th. Now, after I get the paperwork done, I'll be out until the end of March.

I need to fill out the stuff for "bonding", which provides 6 weeks of income from SDI I believe for bonding with Logan. I won't be able to use all 6 weeks of it... well, unless Logan has some illnesses that cause me to need to take 1 or 2 weeks off later on after this 30 calendar days off. Which is not a happy reason for doing more bonding with Logan, so I'll happily pass on that option, if given the choice, God willing.

I can't stand it when Logan isn't feeling well. He can break my heart by just pouting!!! When he cries because he isn't feeling well, I just wish I could take his pain away for him. And he can steal my heart away with his smiles. :)

Never thought I'd be a "baby person", LOL!

But anyway, the 30 calendar days will be paid for, at a percentage of my work wages, thanks to the "bonding" thing. Weee. :)

So, everything appears to be going ok so far.

I am feeling better. But I need to start researching daycare places again. I have contacted 2 places my Mom found for me. One requires that Logan be walking fairly well... which isn't going to happen for at least another 6 months -- more like 10 months? The other might be able to take Logan as early as June, or as late as Fall, and is ok with him being a non-walking baby in diapers. Since neither location is a public (i.e., advertised) place, they are both probably the best bets, as there won't be alot of other people trying to get into them. And they come highly recommended, so... :)

And I need to finish Logan's room. He'll still be sleeping in our room at night, but for naps, I should try to get him used to his crib. This was a recommendation from my late Mother-in-Law, as it would help in getting him used to sleeping in his room at night later on.

Damn, I miss my Mother-in-Law. She was really good with Logan, and alot nicer to me than I gave her credit for. :(

So, that's what's been going on.

As I said, I'm learning to walk on coals. And trying to just be glad for the good days, and not sweat the bad days too much.

Thank you everyone who's sent me warm wishes/positive mojo/prayers/kind words/etc. :)

Hope everyone out there is doing well. Godspeed. :)

The good, and the really really bad and ugly

2008-01-27T17:20:00.000-08:00

Well, the good news:

Getting easier to get Logan to sleep in his bassinett. Sometimes.
My nipples have toughened up so breast feeding no longer hurts.
Incision is mostly healed up... just a slight crack left. No longer has to be packed. I can drive, as I'm no longer on pain meds. And since it's no longer trying to heal too fast (outside first, then inside), as it was packed until it behaved, I'm also no longer on blood pressure medication.

Bad news:

Hubby and I have a sore-throat/cold.
My Mom can't baby sit as she realized her congestive heart failure was going to make it too hard on her. She can babysit for a couple of hours at a time, but that's it. No "all day" babysitting while I'm at work. Dad can't as he works... he's 84 and he works. :P They need the money.
Hubby's Mom can't babysit. Because she PASSED AWAY FRIDAY 1/18/2008. Put us all in shock.

She would have been 78 on 1/30/2008.

She was so good with Logan. And so sweet. She was a 2nd Mom to me. To everyone, really.

Hubby's in shock. Hubby's Dad is in shock.

Funeral was this past Friday, 1/25/2008. A bunch of family flew/drove in for it. Sister-in-law got in the Sunday after her Mom died, and was a big help both with Hubby's Dad and with Logan.

Hubby's Dad and Sister adore Logan. Hubby's Dad may try his hand a little at some babysitting, but we can't really hold him to what Hubby's Mom had agreed to. Especially after all the stress of losing Hubby's Mom.

However, Hubby's Dad does LOVE spending time with Logan. And he also ironically loves our dogs... and our dogs adore him.

Hubby's Sister threatened to steal Logan away this week. Had to watch Logan and Sister-in-Law CLOSELY. ;)

Logan steals the hearts of any adults who get to know him. :)

Thought my breast-milk antibodies were protecting Logan from getting sick, as even though Hubby and I had been sick for almost a week already, Logan was fine. But unfortunately, last night, 1/26/2008, Logan started sounding congested. :( Poor little guy...

So now all 3 of us are miserable.

Logan still smiles at us. I can't believe how happy he can be with us even when he's feeling like crap. He IS a little angel.

Not sure when I have to go back to work now. My HR thinks I only get 12 weeks from the date the baby is born. But my ObGyn's office is sure I get 8 (maybe 10 now) weeks of medical leave for the c-section. [8 is normal, but it may be 10 as I had complications.] And then another 6 weeks for bonding on top of that. So 16 weeks total. And my ObGyn thinks that my job is protected for 12 weeks from the END of my medical leave.

So, per my ObGyn, I get SDI money for the 8 to 10 weeks of medical leave, then another 6 weeks of money for bonding. But then I could stay out of work an extra 6 weeks w/o any income if I wanted to. But I don't think I'll take that option.

Confused? Sorry... it's confusing me too. ;)

Need to get my HR and my ObGyn's office to agree. Stressing me out.

If HR is right, I return to work end of February. If my ObGyn is right, I return end of March. Really hoping for end of March here, LOL! I hope to have everything figured out by then... taking care of Logan, and also who is babysitting him while I'm at work. That and I HATE leaving him. He's stolen my heart.

So... that's what's been happening...

Should have listened...

2008-01-13T19:50:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008, I saw my Gestational Diabetes doctor, to see if the blood test I took the prior week indicated I had regular diabetes now that I was no longer pregnant. Thank the Lord, I did NOT.

I will have to get tested for diabetes once a year, at my annual physical, to be sure, however. The fact that I had gestational diabetes means I still need to watch my blood sugars to ensure I don't still get the full blown diabetes later in life.

My diabetes doctor is a real sweetie, and gave me and my hubby a few of her hand-me-down baby equipment, including a car seat and a swing. She's also a Mom, having an adopted son at home.

Before I left, she heard Logan poo. She asked me if I'd like to change him in the examining room.

I should have listened to my gestational diabetes doctor...

I should have changed Logan then and there, when my doctor offered me the opportunity.

But NOOOOOOOO..... I was sure he would "keep" until I was done grocery shopping and got home.

She said that I knew best, as I was the mother, and not to feel guilty if someone else said I was doing something wrong.

Heh. Me, know best?!?

I think his dirty diaper was why he started crying. In Longs. Full blast. Without cease.

I left a cart full of groceries in Longs while I went back outside (with him) to get his bottle and a pacifier.

I got a clue before going back into Longs and went ahead and brought back in his whole diaper bag.

Then I tried to feed him his bottle (pumped breast milk) with one hand while pushing the cart with the other and looking at the shelves. I'd often look back at him and realize the bottle wasn't centered in his mouth, or even in his mouth anymore! Just dripping onto his onesie.

Then he wasn't into the bottle anymore. And the pacifier didn't work. And he wasn't content with his car seat. And holding him in twelve different positions didn't work. And he kept getting heavier.

I looked at the line to the pharmacy, looked at my screaming baby, and headed for the checkout line. Purchased my items as fast as possible, then sat in the back seat of my car trying to breast feed -- I assumed that the bottle hadn't been warm enough... I had tried to warm it in the car using the car vents, with the heater on, when driving to Longs!), giving Logan some colic medicine, and holding him again. He was inconsolable, with maybe a few times he stopped crying.

Husband called my cell, heard the screaming baby over it, and offered to take care of the rest of my chores, LOL! He picked up my meds at the pharmacy, and also took care of some of the groceries I was going to get at Vons.

Wow. This is just NOT easy, LOL! My respect for my own Mom keeps getting higher and higher!!!

Hubby was like, "why didn't you drop him off with your parents or my parents while you went grocery shopping?"

"I don't know... I thought it would be EASY!" :) Doh!!!

When I got home, I changed him, breast fed him, and he passed out, in his swing.

Ok, this motherhood thing isn't as easy as I had thought it would be. ;)

Ok, I didn't think it would be easy. But holy smokes! It's often way harder than I had thought.

Mommy's First Day Out Alone

2008-01-03T21:34:00.000-08:00

7:15 am:
I am up. Feed baby, burp baby, change baby. Repeat.

8:30 am:
Husband takes shower. Continued feeding/burping/changing, tried to sleep. Heh.

8:45 am:
I take shower.

9:00 am:
Husband cleans and re-packs my c-section wound.

9:20 am:
Feed/water dogs while continuing to feed/burp baby.

10:00 am:
Prep baby bag, purse. Put on maternity bra and clean t-shirt. Feed/burp baby.

10:20 am:
Kick dogs outside. Dry hair. Cuddle fussy baby. Brush teeth. Put on pants.

10:35 am:
Change baby diaper. Logan poops onto the changing table. Manage to chase the runny, newborn, breast-fed poop such that it doesn't coat Logan or his t-shirt. Finish changing him, and sterilize changing table. Put on outside clothes. Re-run bottle sterilizer. Put nipple on bottle of breast milk that was stored in the refrigerator.

10:55 am:
Ignore baby's crying so can run to bathroom and have upset stomach.

11:05 am:
Carry baby (in car seat), baby bag, purse, jacket, and car seat base to car.

11:10 am:
Install car seat base in MY car. For first time. With less than 3 hours sleep. And empty stomach, as was fasting for a blood test. First try to put it behind driver's side because instructions don't say it's ok to put in the middle. Fight with it, curse hands (which still have barely any feeling/strength due to gestationally-induced carpal tunnel syndrome), curse back (which keeps spasming at the odd angles I'm leaning over at while in the back of the car), and finally get a clue. Install son-of-a-b*tch/fraking/piece-of-crap base in middle of back seat, realizing that just because I didn't see that the instructions said I could put it there didn't mean it wasn't allowed. Installed beautifully.

When I later described my fight with the car base, Husband had to add "So easy, even a sleep deprived new Mother can do it". :)

Car starts. Yea! Last person to drive it was Husband on December 4th, when he rescued it for me from one of my doctor's offices. [On December 3rd, I got walked over to the hospital from my doctor's office, and admitted to have induction started.]

I haven't driven a car since December 3rd. Just feeling the steering wheel in my hands again... Happy Sigh. I have my freedom back. :)

11:30 am:
Drive to clinic for BLOOD TEST, which I was FASTING for since midnight.

12:00 pm:
Get blood drawn.

12:15 pm:
Stand in line at clinic to ensure they had current insurance info.

12:25 pm:
Realized that people who would have let me cut ahead in line when I was 8+ months pregnant will NOT do me any favors while trying to carry 10+ pound baby in 5+ pound car seat, plus baby bag plus purse. Logan starts to cry... but is ok once we're driving again.

12:45 pm:
Scarfing McDonald's drive-through while sitting at bank. HUSBAND drives up and parks next to me!!! He saw me 5 cars ahead at McDonald's, and once he got his food, assumed I was headed for the bank, and tracked me down. And got to be very amused hearing about my adventures so far. :) Gave me hug, told me he was proud of me, LOL! Logan thankfully stays asleep.

1:10 pm:
I finish preparing checks for deposit. Drive car around to drive through... and the bloody bank has changed it's drive-thru ATM's. And in the process, has forgotten to fill up the cool new deposit envelope holder. Shit. Drive back around bank, and wake poor Logan up taking car seat out with me to walk-up ATM. Deposit 3 maternity leave checks that I've accumulated, as I haven't had a chance to deposit anything since before I was admitted to the hospital to be induced back on December 3rd.

1:20 pm:
Drive around for a while looking for where the phone store is. [Know it's near the bank.] Ahah! There it is! Oh, crap! Wrong cell provider. Logan's crying.

1:25 pm:
Park. Get into back seat. Try to cuddle Logan. No, he's probably hungry. Give him bottle. Shit! Can't give him cold breast milk, and have no way to warm it up in the car. But why can't you give baby's cold milk? Ok, nevermind... he only got a few swallows. Pull him back out of car seat, and pull out a boob, and start breast feeding.

1:30 pm:
Guy parked to my right walks back with his Subway Sandwiches lunch. And proceeds to eat it there in the car. Whenever I look at him, he's NOT looking at me. Still, I do my best to cover my boob!!!

1:45 pm:
Stop by work with Logan's birth certificate so HR can photocopy it and file it away as proof that I genuinely have a son that warranted adding a name to our insurance. Bring son in as well, LOL! [Talk about physical proof. Although I suppose I could have pulled down my pants and removed the bandage to show off the c-section scar, just so they could be sure.] Hear again how the 8 weeks for c-section + 6 weeks for bonding really is only allowed to total 12 weeks for maternity leave from the date of delivery. Which doesn't agree with what ObGyn said. So maybe I have until mid March, maybe I have until end of February. Still not sure.

Well, 2 weeks more or less... still have all of January and definitely most if not all of February.

Various co-workers get to see Logan and go ooh and aah. :)

Sigh. Logan starts crying again.

2:30 pm:
Arrive at other cell phone store. Purchase new phone to replace the dead one I got wet when I answered it twice in the hospital bathroom, with an ear wet from the shower. Pull Logan out of car seat and hold him when he starts crying again.

Yea! All my phone numbers were stored on the sim card, and it survived the wetting of the cell phone!

3:00 pm:
We're both home. Bring Logan inside, and all the crap from the car. Let dogs in. Clean off hospital germs. Run through bathroom. Remove Logan's outside clothes, change him. Crawl into recliner and feed Logan. Wonder how the hell people do this.

I'd intended to also visit my in-laws, and go grocery shopping. HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!!!

Health update, and baby nicknames

2007-12-27T15:44:00.000-08:00

My blood pressure is much better. The medication helped, but what really what seems to have made the biggest difference has been having my c-section incision cleaned and packed daily.

Hubby's theory is that my c-section wasn't draining properly, and that my blood pressure was high because my body was trying to get rid of the bad stuff by PUMPING it out.

For a while, had to go to ObGyn to get the wound packed daily. Was on call... meaning would get a phone call from the ObGyn sometime during the day asking us to come on down. No forewarning. Couldn't really plan our days ahead of time. Lovely.

[Before you think otherwise, I very much like my ObGyn. But so do 20 thousand other women! So it's a little hard to get in to see her in a scheduled fashion... especially when she's off doing emergency c-sections, etc.]

Then started having a nurse drop by daily. Received some forewarning ahead of time, which was good, because if they could at least give me an hour, I could take a shower before. And considering my attempts at keeping the wound dry while in the shower were failing miserably, the only intelligent options were to take a shower just before, pulling out the packing myself just before I hopped in the shower, or to STAY STINKY. Bleah.

Hubby was trained 2 days ago to clean and pack the wound. So now we can schedule things ourselves. Weee!!!

When he has to return to work, not sure if I should attempt to clean it myself or not. I keep flashing back to the movie Ronin, where Robert De Niro is looking at his gunshot wound with a mirror, and advising 2 other guys what to do to get the bullet out. You get the impression that De Niro's character has pulled the bullets out himself on occasion when he didn't have anyone else, and just had the tools and a mirror.

And really badly want to know when I can start driving again. My hubby having to take me to all these doctor appointments, and doing the grocery shopping, while he also has to go to work, is just not going to work well. He's already pretty damned wiped out. He's been on "vacation", but in spite of that, the last 2 days of very little sleep have made him nauseated. Consistently.

And it's not exactly been a wonderful vacation for him. He's been my slave. And I'm Logan's slave, of course!

Need to send hubby to Vegas with friends for a weekend. Badly.

I seem to be handling the sleeplessness a bit better. Maybe it's a motherhood thing, a switch getting thrown in my body to allow me to function. Not looking forward to when I have to go back to work on top of this no-sleep deal, LOL!!!

Sigh.

Baby has been given alot of nicknames thanks to our various experiences with him.

(1) "Little One"
(2) "Little Guy"
(3) "Logan Monster"
(4) "Ten-pound Tyrant"
(5) "Bottomless Pit"

1 and 2 are obvious. He's adorable. And he's little.

3... he can be a "monster". But we mean it affectionately. And it's mostly to accommodate the way we also talk to the dogs. Boss is "Boss Dog", or sometimes "B-Dog". Ellie is "Ellie Girl". Sometimes she's "Ellsibub", sorta like "Beelzebub", except there's nothing demonic about our Ellie Girl.

So Logan needs to be "Logan Monster". ;)

4... when he wants to be fed, he'd better be fed NOW. Even if he just wants another 5 minutes of food. It had better be now. "No, you may NOT take a bathroom break. No, you may not stop for a shower or to brush your teeth. What do you MEAN you need to eat and drink? NO, you must feed me NOW!!!!"

And when he pees, he wants that pee to leave his diaper NOW. But he also doesn't want his diaper changed. He wants the pee to miraculously leave his diaper. This whole changing thing is just way too inefficient for him.

Basically, it's pretty hard to please him!

5 has to do with how often he wants to be fed. And fed. And fed. Add to that the fact that he's not very, uhm, gentle with my nipples! And my hubby has started teasingly calling me a "moo cow".

Logan has made me realize that the perfect punishment for when he's old enough to do something wrong (and KNOW he's done something wrong) is to stick him in the corner and make him stand there... while wearing nipple-clamps. I keep threatening him with them whenever he makes me yip from pain.

He isn't getting anywhere near my poor nipples when his teeth start coming in. I am pumping WELL before we get there.

Thankfully, although he can be a tyrant, he's also really good at rewarding Mommy... even as he's making my poor nipples throb in pain. He makes this cooing noise that brings out emotions in me that I remember only having when holding and petting little puppies. Hubby calls it "mommy crack", i.e., crack-cocaine for mommies. It melts my heart. Which is good, because there are times that I've totally understood why someone might get frustrated enough to start shaking their baby!!!

I never realized babies could make positive noises. Thought it was all about screaming to high heaven at an ear-splitting frequency. But no, they actually make good noises, too. Oh, thank the Lord!!! :)

Anyway, in answer to my Sister-in-law's question from a few weeks ago, "no, we haven't killed him yet." :)

He's driving us crazy, but I still think Logan's a keeper. ;)

Don't break the baby...

2007-12-27T13:05:00.000-08:00

We had our Sister and her boyfriend over at our house for Christmas. Logan isn't sleeping in his bedroom yet, so we shoved things around, and inflated a queen-sized blow-up bed in there. Infinitely more comfortable than the alternative: sleeping one person on my parent's ancient couch in the living room, the other on the floor. No door to close for privacy. No way to block out the light from the kitchen or the family room. Mom sleeping on the couch in the family room with a light on and the TV on, so...

Thought we were also sparing them the lovely beeping noises of the smoke detector that kept me up the 2 nights I slept on their couch in January, during the lovely termite-tenting of our house. But either the battery in the wall or in the smoke detector got replaced, or thankfully finally died. No beeping to be heard on Christmas Eve when we went over, LOL!

Anyway, my Sister and her boyfriend were arriving Sunday December 23rd, late in the evening. We took a look our baby, who hadn't had a bath yet. Who we had even been bad about just using a wet washcloth on his face. [His face was breaking out...] We'd been postponing a real bath until his umbilical cord fell off, but we'd even postponed just the "wash and dry a section at a time" version of baby bathing that we could have done in spite of the umbilical cord.

So, realizing we have a "welfare baby" appearance going on with our child, and knowing my Sister was on her way, we realized we needed to do more than just "feed the baby, change the baby, burp the baby, rock the baby". Needed to do more than just the bare minimum that appears to be sufficient to STOP THE CRYING.

We unpacked the baby bath kit. Hubby got the shower-attachment setup. [It's a battery-powered shower pump thingy that you dip one end into a water-holder. The water-holder has a temperature indicator so you know you're not about to freeze or boil the baby.]

The great hunt for the Johnson's Baby Shampoo failed miserably. [I had "hidden" it in the master-bath's shower.] So hair washing was to be done with the Johnson's Baby soap.

I put the baby bath kit into the guest bathroom tub. Filled the water reservoir. Watched the temperature indicator go up through "too cold" to "ideal", then crawl into "too hot". [Not the actual words on the indicator, but you get the idea.] Tossed some cold water in. There we go.

Removed baby clothing and diaper in other room, and brought baby in. Wiped Logan's face and ears and hands off with a wet washcloth first. Then wet his hair, washed that. Then wet rest of body and washed with a soapy washcloth. Then rinsed off. Wow. Baby is shivering. Wow. Really badly. Shit.

Hubby was watching, and we both realized that, as we'd been told, yes, babies have a hard time regulating body temperature! And washing/drying one section at a time was INDEED a better idea!

I picked Logan up and put him in a towel while hubby was taking care of something in the other room. Was in a hurry to dry baby. Baby is squirming like mad. While trying to get every part dry, realized his head was at a weird angle... shit, his head is hanging off the bathroom counter-top! Ack! Picked his head up and just grabbed him and the towel and headed for a better surface to finish drying him on.

Hubby meanwhile was hunting for onsies and socks, etc. We got him all suited up, covering every surface except his face. Hubby handed Logan to me, and I lay down and gave him all kinds of body-warmth, trying to counteract the hypothermia.

Phew!

We were wiped out. Apparently, so was Logan! He passed out and slept for HOURS after that trauma!!!

Eventually got him woken up to feed him. Then needed to change him. Hubby strapped him into his changing table as he's been getting more and more squirmy. I went over, took off the old diaper. Cleaned him. And then tried to lift him to put the new diaper under him. Hmmm... why can't I lift him higher? Shit! He's strapped down... I'm BENDING THE BABY IN HALF!!!!

Aigh!!!!!

Unstrapped the baby, finished putting the new diaper on him, and crawled back into bed with him.

I tried to break the baby. 3 times in one day. SHUDDER.

The next day, I was exhausted. Hubby had been telling me I wasn't resting enough. Mother-in-law was also like, "you're not resting enough." Sometime in the afternoon, I gave up, feeling guilty for apparently not taking good enough care of myself and feeling like I was getting punished for not feeling well, LOL. And crawled back into bed.

Well, this Christmas Eve, about 5 or 6 hours before we were going over to my parent's to celebrate. And of course, since it's Southern California, it was nice and cool in the bedroom this winter afternoon. NOT.

The afternoon sun hit. The room got up to mid to high 70's. And my post-partum body was having hot flashes. I'm trying to sleep, am keeping Logan close to myself so that he will sleep. Would wake up, and check his feet... his hands... his forehead. Was worrying now about heatstroke.

My Sister-in-law claims baby's are easier than dogs.

She's got to be on drugs. And she should be sharing.

Oatmeal the wrong way

2007-12-16T15:00:00.000-08:00

Hubby makes me some oatmeal. Claims he makes it the wrong way.

Me: "You can't make oatmeal the wrong way... it's foolproof."

Him: "Yeah, well, you'll see."

Last time he made it for me, I had problems finishing it. But I think that was because I was either in the middle of the headache of death from Friday, or was dead tired, or something.

He brings it in to me. I start eating...

It's.... it's... kindof a little too chewy. Oh, it's not quite cooked all the way!

Me: "Uhm, how did you make this oatmeal?"

Him: "It's wrong, isn't it? Told you I make it the wrong way. I poured boiling water over it."

"Oh. I usually just poor water over it and slap both into the microwave for 1 minute."

"Yeah, the instructions say to cook it and the water at the same time, but..."

"Wow. You DO make oatmeal the wrong way!!!!"

A bird in the bathroom is worth... huh?

2007-12-16T14:44:00.000-08:00

So, Saturday 12/15/2007, in the morning, I've just put Logan back into his bassinet after feeding and/or changing. I stop to read a little bit before closing my eyes for more sleep. I see movement out of the corner of my eyes.

It's small. And fast. And too high up for dogs. And it's in the bathroom.

A bird has found it's way into the bathroom through the hole in the screen. And it's bouncing back and forth in a panic between our bathroom mirrors and the bathroom window... but unfortunately, not the screen part of the window. Rather the bright, lighted frosted glass to no-where part, that birdy doesn't understand is a solid object.

I head into the bathroom, and close the door. I don't want the bird escaping into the bedroom and pooping all over everything, especially Logan!!!

I grab a plastic bag on the floor and put it over my hand inside-out, and proceed to chase the poor thing all over. And I'm barefoot, which I didn't think of in time before I went in there.

The bird hides between all our crap on the counter, occasionally leaving it's own crap there as well. And flies behind the toilet. And flies into the trash can on top of the toilet.(1) And flies up onto the shelves above the toilet. And towards the door, where it sees a crack under the door that it might squeeze through. And as I try to corner it by the door, it flies between my legs. I can feel it's feathers brush my legs as it swoops past, and mentally tick off something else I'll need to wash once I'm done, LOL!

Finally, it flies towards the trash can on top of the toilet a 2nd time. I check, but that's not where it is. Oh, it's somewhere under the toilet. In the toilet brush holder!!!

I snag that, and make sure the lid is secure, and walk out with my trapped birdy. Hubby is passed out, having taken "smelly hippie"(2) to ensure a good night's sleep.

I wake him briefly, to show him that I've captured a bird, explaining that it was flying back and forth between the window and the mirror, slowly bashing itself to death. I explain there's probably bird doo on the floor, and the counter next to the sink, so to be careful until I get it cleaned up. Then I take it outside and release it. Hubby passes back out.

I come back in, and rinse off feet and legs. I know I should have used soap, but was so tired by that time, I gave up. I crawled back into bed.

Tired hubby gets up a few hours later and wanders into the kitchen. Looking for bird doo there, LOL! And seeing none, assumes I've already cleaned it up. But is at a loss to understand why the bird was banging from the mirror near thew front door, all the way to the sliding glass door in the living room. :) [The sliding glass door also has a screen door with a big hole in it.]

We're both so tired, neither of us has made sense or understood each other for a couple of weeks, LOL!!!

(1) If you have dogs, you probably understand the necessity of keeping bathroom trash cans on top of the toilet. :) If you don't... nevermind...

(2) Smelly Hippie is what we call Unisom. There's an episode of Futurama where Lur of Omicron Persei 8 eats a hippie that's got some pot or something in his system. At one point, Lur says something to the effect of, "Whoa... this hippie's starting to kick in!!!!" :)

Doctor, Doctor, give me the news...

2007-12-16T14:13:00.000-08:00

So, Tuesday 12/11/2007 I went to see my ObGyn for some various concerns.

My c-section incision was oozing quite a bit. No fever though.

My back was hurting, and I almost felt like maybe I had a UTI (Urinary Trace Infection).

And most importantly, my blood pressure was through through the roof.

So, the nurse practitioner looked at my incision. It wasn't infected, and it's designed to heal from the innermost incision to the outermost. And they leave room so that any fluids that need to ooze out can ooze out. So, instead of the flimsy 4x4 inch squares of gauze, we were advised to use a pad to catch the fluids. So now I'm wearing 2 pads per pair of painties, in a kind of t-square formation... one to catch the "lochia", and one to catch the ooze.

The nurse also re-taped the incision. But the tape lasted as long as the tape lasted last time: about 2 hours! Told hubby not to re-tape it a 3rd time. Waste of effort. :)

Using my pregger SI-belt to hold 2nd pad in place over the incision.

Peed in a cup for the UTI test. Came back negative. Wee! And noticed something really cool: I could aim alot better now, LOL! W/O baby in the way in my belly, I actually could almost see what I was doing. :)

Blood pressure was still bad. Was told that, at next visit Thursday of next week, if it was still bad, would be sent to someone to look into getting treatment for high blood pressure.

My blood pressure during the tail end of the pregnancy kept going up. I guess I managed to get gestational high blood pressure. Theoretically, it will hopefully clear itself up a month from delivery, unless it's decided to become a problem for me in my non-pregger state.

So, went back home. A couple of days go by, and I feel short of breath. Call my ObGyn. I figure the shortness of breath is because my ObGyn had to practically sit on my tummy to push Logan down towards the c-section incision. [He was still way too far up... hadn't dropped down hardly at all. 42 weeks, and the kid had NO intention of leaving, LOL!]

ObGyn says that I need to go to the ER.

No!!!!!! Not the hospital AGAIN!!!! Sigh.

She also says to pick up another pain prescription from her office on the way. She had given me 2 refills on her original prescription, on a special prescription pad that allows for the scary pain meds to be prescribed with refills, but the pharmacy had still decided to limit it to one filling per prescription on the medication due to some law. But again, the prescription pad my ObGyn used should have taken care of that law as far as refills were concerned.

BTW, if I've got typo's galore here, please forgive me. Although my hips are feeling better, and I haven't had any real water retention or any heart burn to speak of, I STILL CAN'T FEEL MOST OF MY FINGERS. It's worse in my right hand. Sigh.

So, Thursday, 12/13/2007, we pack Logan into his car seat (for his 3rd car ride since his birth), and head off to first my ObGyn's, then the ER.

At the ER, they check my blood pressure, draw a bunch of blood, take my temp, ask me a bunch of questions, etc. I try to regurgitate all of my symptoms. It's hard when you aren't allowed to eat or drink anything because results from tests might send you in for surgery, LOL! Blood sugar was tanking. Thankfully, Logan slept through everything, and so never needed feeding.

They gave me a CT scan to check for blood clots. Didn't find anything. Ended up very happily being sent home after being given a blood pressure med to take right then, then another for the morning. Told to see ObGyn next day so she could either prescribe the same med, or something else.

Felt better, but tired.

Next morning, got up early 'cause wasn't sure when would see ObGyn. Called ObGyn, explained ER wanted me to see her today. Took shower. Fed/changed baby, ate stuff.

Got into ObGyn just before noon. Splitting headache. Blood pressure still pretty high. Showed ObGyn results. She talked to another doctor. Ended up with another prescription. Told to go back to ER if headache got worse or didn't go away. And to stay in bed for the next 4 days, except for Logan's doc appointment Monday. And to come in again on Tuesday.

Hubby took me and Logan home, then went back out with grocery list I'd given him and prescriptions to fill.

I pretty much slept most of 12/14/2007 away, except for feeding/changing Logan. I was running from that headache. Around 7 or 9pm, woke up and the bloody thing was finally GONE. Thank you, Lord!!!

So, have been waited on hand and feet.

During the whole ER experience, was worried about what parents were going to think.

While I was in the hospital having 2 days of unsuccessful inducement, they flashed back to when I was a sick little kid, and they'd take me to the hospital once a year for a week at a time, to have the doctor's check on me and see how I was surviving. [Doc's thought I had a genetic disease that either God healed me of, or God decided I didn't have, LOL! I may in fact have just been sickly due to being born puny, 6 weeks premature, and never getting breast fed. Latter was not my Mom's fault, however.]

So, they are flashing back to when they were feeling helpless to help me. Mom's got congestive heart failure, and is nearly 80. Dad's nearly 86. If some stress takes Mom out, Dad is likely to follow from losing Mom.

Have been trying to keep them from seeing me in pain. Didn't think they could handle it. Didn't want the delivery to be the death of them!!!

So there I was, in the ER. Hoping that they weren't worrying too much about me.

I was stressed out. I wasn't doing "calm blue ocean" very well right then. But I've been trying to learn how to maintain the calm blue ocean thing.

Like, when I was in the hospital earlier for the inducement/c-section, I really didn't have the luxury to feel sorry for myself that I was getting poked with twelve billion needles. Remembering how I used to be terrified of needles, and how that was caused by being traumatized as a little kid, wasn't going to be productive towards my surviving delivery. Honestly, instead, I've been enjoying how I'm no LONGER terrified of needles.

I'm still a bit spooked by hospitals, but I was also enjoying the fact that I trusted that everyone there was on my side, and had no intention of hurting me, or allowing me to be in pain if they could help it.

I guess you could say that I was enjoying having a positive hospital experience rather than allowing self-pity to come into play about how I was justified in being scared or angry at having to suffer through the hospital again in my life.

I'd like to take credit for my more positive attitude, but I figure it's God, plus hubby's training, plus Zoloft and alot of kind people drawing my blood that have turned thing around for me, LOL! Ok, that and the birthing classes making me ready for what to expect. :)

Anyway, I've been trying to not react to crisis's with panic, but rather with calm blue ocean attitude. Whether the crisis is my own or someone else's. Not always doing it well. But have seen some improvement.

And ironically, I want my parents to do the same. Sigh. They understandably responded with, "well, now that you have your own child, you understand how we can still worry about you". They sorta missed the point, LOL! Because of their health, they can't really indulge that worry. They can be concerned, but it needs to be calm concern. 'Cause I want them to be around for a few more Christmases, damnit!!! :)

Anyway, things have been very weird. But thank God, Logan's health has appeared to be really good. Would rather I be the sickly one than him, anyday. :)

Now if me and hubby could just catch up on our REM sleep...

Communication Skills

2007-12-12T20:58:00.000-08:00

So, my Sister called at 9:30am to make sure we wouldn't open some boxes she was sending for Logan until Xmas. Now, we're using the time from, uhm, sunrise to noon in order to catch up on our REM sleep due to feeding/changing Logan all night long. So the phone ringing in the bedroom meant we were scrambling to answer it before the ringing could wake Logan up.

After I talked to my Sister, hubby got up to turn the heat on as he thought it was too cold for Logan. Then he came back into the bedroom.

Me: "Love, could you turn the phone off?"

Hubby: "You want me to turn off the fan?"

"Yes, it's going to wake Logan."

"Ok......"

I put my head back on the pillow. Hubby turns off the FAN. I look up at the sudden lack of white noise.

Me: "Why did you turn the FAN off?"

Hubby: "You told me to..."

"No, the phone!!! The phone!" :)

We were both so tired, we both got the exhaustion giggles. :)

Home Safe

2007-12-10T15:16:00.000-08:00

I'm behind several updates.

Logan was born December 5th at 3:10pm via C-section, after 2 days of unsuccessful induction attempts using 3 different medications.

Wee!!!

He was 8 pounds 3 ounces, 20 inches long. Due to the fact that they had given me morphine to help me cope with the long, unsuccessful inducement (went from 1 centimeter to a full 1.5 centimeters, whoo-hoo! :) ), he was born pretty danged sleepy.

Husband watched procedure. I was thankfully kept unaware via a blue sheet. When they broke my water through the incision, it reminded hubby of the water fountain at the Bellagio, LOL! He said first it squirted up 3 feet. He's since said it was 4. I think it's getting higher each time he tries to remember the scene.

He got to see my abdominal cavity. I'm glad I didn't see anything during the procedure, but I almost wish we'd recorded it so I could watch it once, then burn the evidence, LOL!

Several days in the hospital later, with lots of education and emotional / physical support from the nurses/doctors, they released us from the hospital on Sunday December 9th. That was way more of a production that I had thought it would be. And then, getting home, and letting the dogs sniff me and make sure I was ok (after I'd been gone since Monday morning almost a week ago) was also a production.

Then Logan wanted to be fed, changed, etc. Dogs got kicked out, w/o getting to meet him for a while. They about went nuts.

And my blood pressure had been running high. And then I realized my pain meds were wearing off, which might account at that moment for the feeling that my blood pressure was through the roof. And since they'd removed the staples Saturday, my incision was bleeding. Weee... just alot of stress even at home.

Hubby called his parents in to babysit me and Logan while he went to get pain meds at the pharmacy, as well as gauze to put over my incision. Before he left, though, he fed me and called the hospital and various doctors.

Basically, he had to take care of an invalid AND a baby. Well, I was doing the breast feeding, LOL!

His parents came over and talked to me and kept me company while he picked up my meds.

His parents came over later that evening also for moral support, LOL!

Saturday night, in the hospital, I finally lost it. Too much stimulation/information, too little sleep. Nurses had to pull me off the walls. Had a good serious crying fit. And then I finally had gotten those damned post-partum hormones weeped out, and I was SO much better. Sigh.

Hubby has been awesome. He's taken over on scheduling doc appointments, on feeding me, on chores, etc. I think we're going to make it, but it is a pretty stressful experience, LOL!

Worth it, though. :)

Finally figured out how to wake Logan for his feeding sessions. Cold, wet feet. Diaper wipes work great for that. Now if we can figure out how to get him to calm down and go back to sleep! :)

And my milk finally came in. And with that, Logan has been voracious!!!

Ok, got to click submit before he starts crying again, LOL!

Oh, the dogs finally met him. They keep checking him when he cries. I can't help but think they want to give me advice: "what are you doing? No, do it like this!!!"

12/4/2007, 10:45pm. I. WANT. CHOCOLATE.

2007-12-04T22:43:00.000-08:00

Ok, pain's getting worse, and kindof hanging on in a low-level way.

I want fentonal. And Reesus peanut-butter cups. And a Wendy's cheeseburger. And a LARGE order of salty, oily french fries.

Starting to get some slight cold sweats.

Chocolate ice cream would be good too. And chocolate milk shakes. And chocolate sodas. Oooooh... and about 3 coca colas. And some mac and cheese.

Why do I feel voracious???

12/4/2007 9pm Still being induced.

2007-12-04T21:23:00.000-08:00

Well, 2 doses of something to soften the cervix have left it a little softer, but still at 1 cm. Or at least, at noon today, it was still 1cm.

Now on picotin (spelling?!?!?) to induce contractions and also open up the cervix. Started that around noon today. Have had some contractions... was almost getting repetitive, with ones every 6 minutes. But not quite happening right now.

They were ironically really low on the pain scale. Freaking me out. Was expecting to be pretty much speaking in blasphemous tongues, spinning my head 360 degrees around, and projectile vomiting green bile at this point, LOL! [And that's as much of the movie The Exorcist as I can even remotely stand to remember, LOL!] But they have been really nice and easy. It makes me feel like they are just making me a little too relaxed so they can jump me later! :)

But this is what IS hurting: the kid is trying to DIG his way out, I SWEAR!!! I keep looking down and going, "Ouch! Hey, cut it out! Let my cervix open up first!"

2 weeks being cooked extra... the little bugger has got nails, I know it. And he's definitely SCRATCHING. Yikes. OUCH.

They keep upping the picotin dosage every hour or so. And they will check my cervix at midnight, and if it's still closed, will give me some medication to open it up, while still keeping me on the picotin.

So, still preggers. And have a picotin drip and saline drip attached. And the baby monitor cables. Weeee.

Hubby setup an ad-hoc network that I can reach through his computer. His computer is hooked up to the internet via his phone. So as long as he's here, I have network access. Yea!!!! :) But don't count on it. Things may change.

It was funny, because he was asking me, "are you trying to access bleah"? Uh, no, I was trying to access something else... So then he password-protected his ad-hoc network, and we both started laughing as we realized the people out there who had briefly had Internet-Love, and were now DENIED, LOL!!!

Thank you all of you for all your words of encouragement. :) Can't believe all the VERY COOL friends I've made online. :) You guys ROCK. :)

12/3/2007 In the hospital

2007-12-03T18:46:00.001-08:00

This morning, the doctor determined my water was a little low. So I was walked over to the hospital.

I looked at the nurse pathetically and asked if I could go home first and grab my bags, etc., LOL! Nope. Husband had to rescue my car. And bring my bags. I think there's a part of me that wanted to just go home and hide, and maybe they wouldn't drag me to the hospital until the original induction date of December 5th, LOL!

They've given me stuff to dilate my cervix. I'm here until Logan comes out. Been here since 10am-ish. Seen both sets of grandparents.

I won't often have internet access. There is no wi-fi... using husband's laptop to type this, and his laptop is using his cell phone for internet access. So my laptop is just going to be for playing movies.

I feel weirdly disconnected, LOL! I need my internet fix, damnit!

Anyway, whenever I'm able, will keep you guys informed. :)

I may be here a LONG while. Sigh.

Still preggers 12/2/2007 1:30pm, plus spooked myself

2007-12-02T13:30:00.000-08:00

I am now officially... uhm... 11 days late. And I recently (within the last week) learned that mortality rates for babies suddenly go up past 42 weeks. [I'm being induced at the 42 week mark if he hasn't come out before then.]

So, I sleep in all kinds of weird patterns. I slept from 8:30pm to midnight, got up, was up until 5am, came to bed. Around 5:30am Logan stopped running laps. I was lying on my right side, which sometimes feels a little funny, like maybe that was where the cord is hooked up. Sometimes I've felt my heart start working harder, like maybe Logan is squishing the cord on that side.

So, Logan was running laps. Then suddenly he just stops. Like he's done, he can sleep now. But my first thought was "he ran out of oxygen, he's going to be stillborn!"

I started patting my belly. Then kindof moving my belly around. Then moved to my left side to get him "off the cord", assuming he was on it. Then majorly thumping my belly, poking my belly, shaking my belly around. Kid wouldn't move.

Logan was probably in there, lying there quietly, going, "WTF??? I'm trying to sleep here... what the hell is she doing?!?" Husband woke up to me patting belly and then stopping and waiting quietly to feel something. I sent him out to the garage for the stethoscope*. He came back once w/o finding it, went back out when I told him where I thought it was. By that time, Logan had started squirming, because I'd given up on poking and prodding, and now Logan was all like giving me his thoughts on waking him up, LOL!

Tried to find the heartbeat using the stethoscope. But couldn't find his heartbeat. And learned that getting frustrated and slapping the stethoscope onto the next location of my stomach (in my search pattern) was kindof jarring on my ears, LOL!

But he was moving around, and all peeved at me for waking him up. So it was all good. Went to sleep. ;)

* The stethoscope was in the garage because, of course, that's where everyone stores it, right??!? :)

So, a friend gave us her gun safe several months ago, and we stored the huge thing in the garage. She couldn't remember the combination, but was pretty sure she knew the first and last numbers. We tried to break into it, and had no luck after a LONG time of trying. We wanted to (a) be able to use it, and (b) return her guns!!! The gun safe was never registered when it was purchased, so there was no-one to call for the combo!!! Friend eventually came to stay for a few days, and tried to break into it herself. We also tried to get someone to come out and break into it for us, but w/o proof of ownership, for some reason (LOL), they balked!

There was a little ID code on a piece of metalic paper that was stuck to the safe, but the metalic paper got majorly munged when the safe was moved, so couldn't even use that to ID the safe!!!!

Safe was moved to our friend's house on Friday. She can now sit there in her garage, trying to crack it open in her copious free time, LOL!

This whole event made my husband post something on his blog about how a free safe is never free, LOL!!! I think I did the same... have to find the links, but whatever... :)

Anyway, Logan is fine. I've been pretty good about not having pregger panic, but I guess the whole idea that I really COULD over-bake Logan is starting to work on my brain. :)

Still preggers 12/1/2007 7am, plus Vader PEZ Dispensers

2007-12-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

My friend Radioactive Jam found the scavenger item I suggested, a Darth Vader PEZ Dispenser. I honestly wasn't sure one existed, but I figured if Snoopy PEZ dispensers existed (they do... I own one... uhm... somewhere around here... guess I should post a picture), then surely a Vader PEZ dispenser also exists. ;)

I'm embarrassed to say that I only just realized he'd found my suggested item. I.E., he found it almost a week ago, but thanks to this whole pregnancy thing, I've been rather oblivious, LOL!

I'm currently up right now, having risen a little after 4:30am after a bout of pregger heartburn, followed by the ever-present pregger need-to-pee, followed also then by the need to have several sneezing fits in an attempt to clear my sinuses of all the phlegm that my pregger body likes to accumulate when I sleep.

Basically, I'm a sneezing, peeing, burning monster, but thankfully I have chocolate (in the form of miniature Reesus Peanut Butter Cups), so I haven't killed anyone yet. ;)

People keep telling me that it's all going to be ok, that Logan will arrive soon. Although there are many aspects of pregnancy that I'm really done experiencing, I realize I'm not actually in any extreme hurry to end this whole thing. I've enjoyed the extra time to rest and nest and prepare. I don't want to over-bake the kid, but I haven't been in a hurry to rush to the hospital and do the deed.

And a part of me -- a very small, weird part -- will actually miss being pregnant. It's a truly bizarre but amazing experience.

This does NOT mean I'm already ready to start working on kid #2, LOL! Once I get my body back, it will probably take alot to talk me into doing this a 2nd time. ;)

So, did have some signs last night that the kid is thinking of packing up his stuff and exiting prior to the eviction date of December 5th. I wasn't feeling so hot yesterday evening... or rather, I was feeling pretty cold. Having the heater on, the fire going, and blankets didn't seem to help right away. And I sorta felt like I was having cramps, but mostly I just felt really tired, and like my tummy was in solid-basketball-mode. Lay down for a bit, got warmed up, then managed to get back up to go out and continue seeing the PS3 demo hubby's friend was giving us. :)

I think I must have overdone things yesterday morning, with the doc appointment and then the grocery shopping, and insisting on not having help with putting the groceries in the car. [But then, bringing on labor from dropping 24-packs of water into the trunk would NOT be a bad thing at this point.] Am feeling much better at the moment. Maybe I should go lift some more 24-packs. ;)

So the PS3 demo: got to see a ton of hubby's friend's games. Included were:

Heavenly Sword

Warhawk

Ratchet and Clank

Folklore

MotorStorm

Resistance: Fall of Man

Assassins Creed

I'm not sure which one floats my boat best. They were all VERY VERY PRETTY. :) Resistance felt a bit like Halo 3. Warhawk felt like Halo 3 online, LOL! You definitely use alot of the same skills.

I do know I'm still totally jonesing for Grand Theft Auto 4 when it comes out. We don't own a PS3 yet, but it will be out for the XBox 360, so that's ok. But then again, some of the games in the above list were nifty enough to warrant the purchase of a PS3, so... Heh. Maybe our old PS2 can go into the baby's room for playing DVDs and my old Spyro 2 game. ;)

Of course, hubby's friend has already been heavily exposed at our house to Guitar Hero for the XBox 360. ;) Not sure if hubby's friend has seen Halo 3 yet for the XBox 360, although he's played 1 and 2. Hubby wants to borrow 1 and 2 to play the back-story, since he's already finished Halo 3. Well, almost: he finished Halo 3 in normal mode, and now has been fighting it in Legendary mode. But he's lost a bit of his impetus, thanks in part to the purchase of Guitar Hero, and the fact that he's "Flooded out" right now, LOL. [If you play Halo 3, you know what I mean by being Flooded out. ;) ]

I've played a little Halo 3, mostly alongside hubby, and mostly trying to be the reason hubby can re-spawn. If you play in 2 player mode, as long as one of you is alive, you can continue the round w/o restarting from the last checkpoint. When one person dies, if the other is still alive, the dead person re-spawns and play can continue. This assumes the other person is any good at staying alive... I'm not, LOL!

I've also enjoyed Guitar Hero... and would be playing MORE of it, if I hadn't lost feeling in my right hand's fingers thanks to being pregnant. Strumming the guitar just isn't really comfortable. I'm just glad I can still type reasonably well in spite of it. [At least I'm no longer retaining water in my right ankle... pregnancy side-effects are SO weird.]

My hands both feel sore and tight when I try to close them into fists. Freaking weird.

Yeah, ok. I'm ready for the kid to be born, LOL!

The left hip feeling like it's rubbing bone-against-bone... I could deal with that. I miss walking the dogs, and hobbling around gets a little old, but whatever. Water retention... in only my right ankle? Weird, but could cope. I could mostly deal with my sinuses going from their normal crappy state to the uber-crappy pregnant state. The heartburn... mostly controllable with Zantac and/or Tums and some swearing, so... cool. The peeing when there's barely any pee to pee ("Why does it say 'paper jam' when there is no paper jam?!?"), ok, can deal with that. The kid running laps in my belly... ok, sure. The kid trying to feng shui my organs around... rather uncomfortable, but he doesn't do it ALL the time. Being required to drink a TON of water in spite of the fact that I have a bladder being squished by this kid down to the size of a... hmmm... PEZ dispenser... ok, sure. Seeing doctor's more times in a year than I can shake a stick at: ok, whatever. [The Phlebotomy and Endocrinology departments in one clinic have insisted I bring the kid around after he's born!!!] The back hurting if I try to do dishes... sure, whatever, no biggy.

But my hands cramping up? Losing feeling in most of my fingers of my right hand? Ok, I'm done here, LOL!

Phew. Well, it's almost 7:00 am. My nose has shut up. I think the heart burn is finally done with me. And it's about time to pee again, LOL. Maybe I can pee and then go back to sleep. :)

Good night all.

Oh, forgot. Hubby's friend thinks I'll go into labor on Sunday. I've had several different labor-date predictions from online and real-life friends. Not holding my breath, LOL! But then, hubby's friend has made other "predictions" before that have been correct.

Hubby's friend doesn't have ESP or anything... he's just really good at seeing where things are going, LOL!

So maybe he's right, and I'd better crank the nesting into high-gear today (Saturday) as this might be the last day of pregnancy, LOL!

... but think I'll do that AFTER some more sleep. ;)

doc appt, 11/30/2007 7 pm -- Still pregnant, induction 12/5/2007 6pm

2007-11-30T19:00:00.000-08:00

Well, he's STILL IN THERE. ;)

Saw the ultrasound specialist again. Or rather, a nurse there. First she did the ultrasound. And he's still head down, which is good. ;) I forgot to ask, but I gather my amniotic fluid is still good. [Phew! Thank God.]

So, there's this mortality curve that is pretty high during the beginning of the pregnancy... then gets much lower to almost 100% chance of survival through like 30 weeks thru 42 weeks. Then after 42 weeks, it drops off DRASTICALLY. Hence, why doctor's worry about babies running late, and why they are willing to induce labor in order to tackle that scenario.

Which is why I'm having a doctor's appointment every 2 days now, LOL. And why, if I hit 42 weeks, that's when he's getting evicted. Here that, kiddo? Better pack it up in there. ;)

So, they then recorded his heart beat for a while. Then the nurse came in, took this rattling device, checked that it rattled, and then pressed it to my stomach and rattled it. I had a moment of apprehension before she pressed it to my stomach, not realizing it was just a noise-maker, and that it wasn't, say, going to give me an electric shock, LOL!

Basically, it's a pre-natal alarm clock. After using it, Logan was INDEED awake, LOL! And they recorded his awake heartbeat for a while. :)

So he's doing well. God is watching out for him. :)

Afterwards, I went to the hospital to re-pre-register, LOL. It's been almost a month since I originally pre-registered, so... All they said they needed was my new insurance card. My company, just for grins, is changing my insurance as of 12/1/2007. Just to spice things up and make me worry about what's still going to be covered, LOL. :)

Anyway, the hospital now has copies of the new insurance card. And assuming I don't go into labor before midnight tonight, it will be the CORRECT insurance card. ;)

Then went through McD's. Scarfed food. Went grocery shopping. Felt my left hip REALLY bugging me. Shuffled back to the car. Declined help in getting stuff to the car: if putting all this stuff into the trunk starts labor, it will be a GOOD THING, LOL! Except for all the frozen food that would thaw and melt while my hubby rushed me to the hospital, LOL.

Drove home. Hubby helped me unload. Put crap away. Dragged trash cans back in. Put laundry into the dryer. Took shower to get doctors-office/hospital germs off me. [OCD, OCD, OCD!!!!] Then crawled into bed and slept from about 2:30pm to 6pm, LOL.

While I was sleeping, hubby's best friend from childhood came over, and they played Guitar Hero. They are still at it. ;) I'm really glad hubby has this time off, and kinda glad therefore that Logan is running late. Hubby has seriously needed this. It's not the same as being able to run off to Vegas and have a REAL vacation, but still.

Oh, and hubby's best friend was able to come over and play XBox as he got laid off over a month ago. Yuck. Hoping he can get a job soon, but that at least he's also enjoying his mini-vacation as well. ;)

I kindof liken being laid off as getting that summer vacation we all miss from childhood, LOL. It's a little hard to think of it as that when you're in the middle of it, and scared about finding the next job. If you can treat it as a summer vacation with a little assigned summer reading, it will help you be fresh for the next job. The summer reading is writing your resume, sending it out to a few new companies every day, then enjoying the rest of the day, LOL. :)

Yesterday, did a little nesting. Had my niece and her 4 week-old son over. Got to hold him... that was REALLY cool. :) And hubby's best friend came over and played XBox too. ;) Can't remember what else happened... all fuzzy. Days are sorta running together.

So, that's what's happening. Doing some grocery-hoarding in preparation, like a squirrel stuffing more nuts into my tree. ;) Doing some nesting. Still have yet more nesting I could do. Weeeeee.

And of course sleeping, eating, peeing... basically, other than the nesting/preparation/doc appointments, living the life of a baby, LOL! Soon that will change.

Lost mucus plug. Still pregnant, 11/29/2007 3am; induction Dec 5th 6pm if necessary.

2007-11-29T03:00:00.000-08:00

About 3 hours ago, I lost my mucus plug. The mucus plug is something that sits in the opening of the cervix. Some women actually lose and rebuild their mucus plugs early during their pregnancy... i.e., they can lose it for a bit, but then they replace it. It's not critical to, say, keeping the water from being broken. It's just an extra cog in the wheel of all the weird things that are pregnancy.

I don't think this means delivery is imminent, LOL! But certainly that things are moving forward. Progressing.

So what does a mucus plug look like, you ask?

Ok, you're not asking, you're actually shuddering in fear that I'll tell you. Skip the blue text below if you don't want to know. Else, read the blue for an entirely TMI (too-much-information) moment:

It looked like novelty snot. Like what you might buy at a practical jokes/magic store.

No, I'm not kidding.

It was white-ish, yellow-ish, clear-ish and looked a little stringy, and acted like it might have some tensile strength to it. Like, if I flipped it against a wall, the entire thing would stick. And if I then tried to pull it loose by just one end, it would slowly peel off and would stay in one piece.

Didn't try it. Not into flinging intimate bodily fluids/substances at my walls. And didn't take any pictures, unlike the time much earlier this year where I felt inspired to take a picture of my puke on the lawn after a food poisoning incident. ;)

Ok, you're safe now. :)

I guess I should hurry up and do some extreme nesting tomorrow morning. Maybe Logan is indeed choosing to come out on the original predicted delivery date of 11/29/2007. He definitely turned his nose up at the corrected delivery date of 11/21/2007...

Well, I thought 11/29 was cooler, anyway. 2 prime numbers. :) So's the year, if you omit the "20" part. Else... sigh... 2007 is divisible by 9. :P

Had doc visit. Still pregnant, 11/28/2007 7pm; induction Dec 5th 6pm if necessary

2007-11-28T19:03:00.000-08:00

Had a 9am appointment with the specialist with the cool extra expensive ultrasound equipment. His nurse checked to ensure the amniotic fluid levels were good (they were), that he was still head down (he is), and then hooked up a heart monitor.

I got to lean back and rest in this recliner-like chair while wearing this monitor over my belly, listening to his heart beat.

Other than a few times when he squirmed and the monitor therefore lost his heart beat, his recorded heart beat was strong and steady. He's doing really well, thank God, in spite of being cooked an extra week, LOL!

I had only fallen asleep sometime after 4:30am, so after the appointment, I crawled back to my car, drove through McD's, ate breakfast on the drive home, hopped back into the shower*, then crawled back into bed at 10:30am. I slept until 4:30pm! "When the sun sets, the Vampire rises from the crypt", LOL!

* My OCD was firing, and the idea that my wet, clean hair had been up against the recliner-like chair that other women's hair had been up against, and that I'd had that goop on my stomach, was too much. The warm 2nd shower felt so good, anyway. :)

It's 7pm. Trying to decide if I'm going to go into more nesting tonight or not. The recliner at home is rather comfortable, LOL!

Induction date December 5th, 6pm

2007-11-27T15:23:00.000-08:00

Talked to my ObGyn. She let me know that due to her schedule, she wouldn't be able to induce until December 5th, 6pm.

So, the original "induction date" of December 3rd is now December 5th. The kid's been given 2 more days to think about this, LOL!

If I am still pregnant all the way until December 5th, then Logan will be a total of 2 weeks late.

And yes, as of 11/27/2007 3pm I am STILL PREGNANT. ;)

Let me rephrase the "schedule" comment above. My ObGyn is already over-scheduled with patients those evenings. It's not like she's trying to take off those evenings or something.

Weee.... running late in your pregnancy is fun!

2007-11-26T21:45:00.000-08:00

Last night (Sunday) I ran out of steam and took a nap from 5pm to 7pm. Got up, then had one of those nesting spurts. Ellie's crate top is now doubling as the baby's changing station, and the basinet is now also on my side of the bed. The baby diaper genie thing is setup. Weeee! Progress.

Still want to clean and place a bookcase on my side of the bedroom. The baby diaper genie and the trash can need to be on the top shelf. When you have German Shepherds, or any other LARGE dog, it's a good idea to put the trash cans high up out of doggie nose range.

That is, unless you like having things like bloody tampons and snot-filled crumpled kleenex's spread around the floor, vigorously chewed on. ;)

Got to midnight, and remembered I hadn't taken my prenatal meds yet. Ick. Have to be upright for at least a half hour after taking them. So, took them, then sat up.

Had an ObGyn appointment in the morning. Wanted hubby to come with me, as he's taking time off his job right now anyway. Otherwise, he wasn't going to get to see her (ObGyn) until the birth.

Told hubby I'd be in bed in a little bit. Then he came out of the bedroom a few minutes later, with stomach cramps. Poor guy was NOT feeling well. He sat up with me, played Guitar Hero, ran to the bathroom a few times. Then we both headed for bed by 1am-ish.

Of course, my pregger heartburn kicked in. And my sinuses kept closing up or bleeding due to the pregnancy and lack of moisture in the air. And yet, the post-nasal drip was in fine form, threatening to go down the wrong pipe and make me cough. Oh, and I was also a little stressed about waking up early enough to make it to the ObGyhn. Short story, barely slept all night long.

At around 5:30am, I got up to pee, and read a little. It was almost 6am. Realized if I tried to go back to sleep then, I wouldn't be able to get up by 7am to make it to the ObGyn. [Wanted to leave with breakfast having been eaten, dogs fed, fingers pricked... and wanted to have left the house by 8:30am-ish to make sure I made it in time to do the lovely peeing in a cup thing.] So gave up and go up, checked email, let dogs out, fed dogs, pricked fingers, fed me, checked more email, waiting 1 hour, pricked fingers, hit the shower, and left on time but dead tired. Left hubby in bed. He was wiped out from his food poisoning. Told him I had fed and watered the dogs. Got a mumbled response in the affirmative.

Made it before 9am for my 9:15am appointment with my ObGyn. Due to the long 4 day weekend, she was backed up with phone calls and other emergencies. So they got me into the exam room sometime around 10:40am. Yikes! Sat there, with no pants, and one of those flimsy paper-lap-covers to maintain my modesty. 10:45am... the nurse comes in. My ObGyn had to run to the hospital to supervise a C-section. She should be back in "15 minutes". I look at the nurse like she's on drugs... 15 minutes? Nah... 30 minimum to run over there, scrub up, get into smock etc., do the job, take all that stuff off, talk to the patient, and run back. Probably more like 45 minutes.

I kept thinking I should pee again while I had the chance, but was afraid of being in the bathroom when my ObGyn came back! I knew she was going to be horribly late all day, and didn't want to contribute to that, for her sake and the sake of the rest of her patients. Was given the chance to see a nurse practitioner instead, but considering I was running 5 days late on the due date, felt like I should talk to the doctor directly.

I asked the nurse to hand me my cell phone, and texted my husband about the delay. Didn't want to wake him, but if he was up, didn't want him worrying.

At 11:35am he called me as he was worrying and hadn't seen the text message, so was glad I'd asked the nurse to hand me the cell.

Sometime around 11:40am my ObGyn was back! Over the course of the hour I had sat there, I had figured out exactly how much out of synch my watch, my cell phone, and the clock on the exam room phone were. And I had discovered that, when you are pregnant and running on somewhere between 2 and 4 hours sleep, you CAN become mesmerized watching a clock slowly change. "Oh, wow... the minute changed again."

I would have just laid back on the exam table, but pregger heartburn doesn't do horizontal real well. And I was having it pretty badly that morning.

ObGyn was very apologetic when she got back. I was just very happy to finally see her, LOL! [And thinking that I maybe need to find a slightly less popular ObGyn, LOL!]

So, she found the baby's heart beat. Still good. And then she looked under the hood. And discovered I was 1 centimeter dilated. Could be tonight, could be a week from now. Water not broken.

Let me tell you something about having your cervix checked for dilation. If it's not dilated, no big deal. If it is, the person checking it is going to stick their finger (or more fingers) in it to guestimate how dilated you are.

I wasn't expecting the finger IN the cervix. Kindof like the Spanish Inquisition. Or at least, I wasn't expecting what it would feel like.

When she put that finger in there, I levitated off the exam table! If she wanted me to move to the left, or right, or to start revealing national secrets, I would have been all over it. I felt like a cow with a nose ring being led around! :) And I yiped.

It didn't exactly hurt that bad or anything... it was just REALLY unexpected, LOL! She held my hand with her free hand while she finished poking around. I didn't really need that, but I think in part it was so she could keep me from squirming away from her hand while she kept poking and prodding, LOL!

So, she told me the news. 1 centimeter. Water not broken. Today, tomorrow, a week from now. That everything was ok. I had told her about not sleeping well the night before, and that I had had heartburn. And that I had also had bad heartburn while sitting in the waiting room and exam room. Ick. Didn't think to bring Tums with me, and no-one in the office had any... normally don't get the heartburn in the AM.

My ObGyn told me that, if I felt like I was miserable enough, we could induce tonight!!!

I was SO tired. I way more wanted to sleep than to have the baby tonight, LOL! "Nope, not miserable enough yet." :) Anyway, still want to give the kid a chance to make it out in his own time.

I asked my husband when I got home if he thought he was miserable enough, LOL! I mean, this was affecting him too, although not on such a personally physical level. He said he was fine, it was up to me. :)

I have 3 doctors appointments with the dude with the sophisticated ultrasound equipment: Wednesday, Friday, and next Monday Dec 3rd. Basically to make sure that the kid still has enough amniotic fluid, and is doing ok while cooking extra long. And another appointment with my ObGyn next Monday, December 3rd. If the kid hasn't come out by then, induction will be the evening of December 3rd.

Hear that, kid? You have a deadline!!! :)

So, crawled out of there. Per ObGyn, picked up some Zantac for the heartburn. Forgot to get some Ocean nasal drops... apparently the drops work better than the spray for lubricating dry pregger noses, and I think what I have at home is the spray. Picked up a few more items. Drove through McD's. Drove home. Felt sorta... violated... LOL. Took shower. Then reheated McD's, ate lunch. Pricked fingers. Crawled into bed at 2:30pm-ish. Turned off phone. Husband fielded phone calls, and woke me up at 6pm. We went out to dinner with his parents at Outback. Had a terrible time trying to wake up, LOL! But finally did. Dinner was very nice. :)

And now, we're back home. And yes, I'm STILL PREGNANT, LOL!

Discovered this afternoon that husband hadn't really registered that I'd fed the dogs. When he crawled out of bed at 11:30am, the dogs were pushing their bowls around, and convinced him they were wasting away. Guess what, dogs? No dinner for you tonight, LOL!!! Little sneaks. ;)

Tomorrow I intend to sleep late, then do some nesting. Maybe, if I have energy, will try to tackle the thank you notes FINALLY. I am majorly overdue on those, and I don't know how much I'll feel up to doing them after Logan arrives. But definitely need to finish unpacking the last few items for Logan's room, and put some bedding away.

Anyway, if Logan doesn't arrive on his own, he should be here sometime around December 3rd or 4th. Weeeee..... :)

Oh, I forgot! Guys, thanks for your encouragement in your comments on my prior post. :) You guys rock. :)

11/26/2007 6 am -- Still pregnant

2007-11-26T06:00:00.000-08:00

The baby was due 11/21/2007.

As of 11/26/2007, 6 am, I am still pregnant.

When that changes, will let you know. Until then, will just keep updating this single blog post with the latest date/time at which I'm still preggers. :)

Countdown delayed...

2007-11-21T04:00:00.000-08:00

Well, I am still pregnant.

Today, Wednesday, 11/21/2007, is my due date. Or at least, we're a little over 3 hours into my due date. Couldn't sleep, was having some heartburn, so got up to read Dooce and also post an update. :)

Sunday during the day I briefly wondered, while in the "throne room", if what I had, 'er, just "done" was pee or squirt a little bit of amniotic fluid out. I found out last week that if I break my water, I have to go in to the hospital first thing... no waiting for contractions to start. I'll need to be on IV antibiotics for strep-B germs "down there", to keep them from hurting our son. Once my water breaks, he's no longer protected from them in the womb. :P

Well, as I said, I couldn't tell whether I'd just peed or had a little amniotic fluid leak out while on the throne. Just wasn't quite sure. Nothing more came out when I left the throne room, so decided to let it go for now. I.E., I wasn't dribbling anything more out while in a non-peeing mode, so...

But this did spook me enough to finish up packing at least my bags for the hospital trip. I need to wash a few more things before the baby's bags are packed. Sigh. Although really, all I probably need to take to the hospital for him is going to be the car seat, the clothes he will wear home, and a blanket. I think the hospital will take care of everything else.

Sunday night I took Tylenol PM as I had a 1pm appointment Monday with my ObGyn, and was afraid, if I didn't have help falling asleep, that when I finally did fall asleep, I wouldn't get up until WELL AFTER MY APPOINTMENT WAS OVER. This was a valid fear... some days I don't drag my ass out of bed until 2pm. I'd blame pregger exhaustion, but honestly, left to my own devices, I become VERY nocturnal.

The dogs are really confused about their varying mealtimes. Sometimes their breakfast is at 2 or 2:30pm, and on days I have "early" appointments, their breakfast could be 9 or 10am. Thankfully, they are fairly flexible dogs. Well, they've had to be, living with two computer geeks. :)

Well, anyway, Sunday night/Monday morning, I kept waking up having cramps. They felt like regular ol' menstrual cramps. Kinda freaked me out. They weren't anything horrifically painful, and so while lying there, decided, "screw it, I'm going to get some more sleep", and passed back out. When it started to get light, I got up, let the dogs out, peed, and drank some water. The water seemed to help, whereupon I wasn't having any cramps that I could sense. My tummy would go hard like a basketball occasionally, but afterwards it would relax. And it wasn't hurting. And I didn't notice that it was hard unless I put my hand on it to check it.

So once again, decided upon more sleep.

Got up finally. Fed dogs. Got cleaned up. Grabbed my 2 bags for the hospital and -- just in case -- shoved them into my trunk. If it turned out my ObGyn said that my water HAD broken, or that I WAS in labor, or WAS dilated, I wanted to be able to head straight for the hospital.

Just to make matters interesting, that Monday morning I was constipated and then, nauseated. And then I had the runs. Hmmm. Wondered once more if maybe Monday was going to be our son's birthday, considering my body was acting really weird.

Well, all my fears were for naught. Per my ObGyn:
1. My water hadn't broken.
2. I wasn't dilated.
3. The contractions were probably just "practice" contractions for the real thing.

My son is still very much NOT ready to leave his nice, warm, wet abode. He likes it in there. My nausea was probably due to the fact that I was hungry, even IF I didn't feel any hunger.

So... I drove to Longs, picked up a bunch of travel bottles of stuff that I might need at the hospital, drove to McD's to have food that is bad for me but makes me feel better, and then crawled home.

And was pretty much done for the day, LOL!

I've since wondered if the Tylenol PM made the cramps come on, due to perhaps the Tylenol PM making me a little dehydrated. Either that, or it was just time for practice cramps.

Pregnancy is just a totally weird experience.

Talked to a friend today who told me that when she had her 2nd baby, she was in labor and DIDN'T KNOW IT. She was having menstrual-like cramps that she was able to easily deal with. She went into the hospital to get checked out, and found out she was already 4 centimeters dilated! Whereupon, it was time to send her to the delivery room.

I'm not sure if I'll have the same experience. My Mom had menstrual cramps so bad that she had to take codeine or other high-powered meds in order to be able to function. And one time, she had a miscarriage w/o even realizing she was pregnant... and almost died from blood loss. She'd been lying down, doped up on codeine as the pain was exactly like her normal menstrual cramps... i.e., she thought she was having a period, and not a miscarriage. And unknown to her, she was slowly bleeding to death. Her first husband pulled back the blanket to discover that fact. Almost didn't make it to the hospital in time to stop the bleeding.

I had bad cramps as a teenager. Had to use heavy meds at first. Then figured out I could take the worst of the edge off the pain with a little more Advil than the recommended dosage. And it was all good.

After I was on the pill for a while, my periods got much milder. Still needed Advil to cope, but wasn't anything at all as painful as when I was a teenager.

So, I'm a little confused as to what to expect now as far as levels of pain when I first start REAL contractions.

ObGyn told me that when I was having real contractions, I'd know. But my friend didn't know. But then again, if I start having menstrual-like pain that makes me flash back to being a teenager, I think that will be a REALLY GOOD CLUE, LOL!

As I said, being pregnant is a really weird experience!

This whole thing has taught me to have alot more respect for mothers and fathers in general. Their role in life isn't an easy one. They have both the worries of screwing up their kid after the kid is born, as well as the whole physical problems during the pregnancy. Although, in general, the man mostly just has psychological discomfort during his wife's pregnancy... brought on by his wife driving him crazy due to her physical discomfort. ;)

I've tried to not drive my husband too crazy during my pregnancy. There are a few things I wish he'd do differently now that I'm close to the end of the pregnancy. I'm sure there's stuff he wishes I'd do differently... pregnancy or no pregnancy, LOL! It's a challenge to try not to make things harder than they already are.

Anyway, as I said, baby's not ready to move out of his waterlogged apartment yet. So, will keep you all posted when that changes. :)

Week 39 update

2007-11-15T23:00:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday, Wednesday, was the end of 39 weeks. 6 days to go and I'm due to deliver.

Heh. Guess I'd better hurry up and pack my bag and my son's bag, LOL!

Monday night/Tuesday morning was kindof rough. A friend/co-worker has a 9 month old son who has been in the hospital most of his short life. His son was in the children's ward of a hospital in a town about an hour to 2 hours drive away. Let's call the son baby "C".

So C needed heart surgery. He didn't have enough arteries to his heart, and although he was getting by, it would cause him problems later. And he was being fed through a tube directly into his stomach, because he couldn't swallow well, and would aspirate food or stomach acid. And his lungs were kindof iffy... sometimes he would have low oxygen saturation levels that couldn't entirely be explained. And the poor kid kept catching infections, probably in part because of all the medical intervention... all the tests that involved sticking tubes into the poor guy's throat, etc., in order to take a look at things and try to figure out what was wrong with him.

I'd been keeping up on how he was doing on a web page that was provided by the hospital he was staying at. Baby C's parents updated it fairly often.

Baby C's parents took turns staying down at the hospital. While one was at the hospital, the other was in town working, and taking care of their 3 year old daughter.

Monday morning baby C was scheduled to finally have his heart surgery. He seemed really stable, like his lungs were doing ok and like he was in good enough health to finally have the surgery and hopefully be able to go home with his family soon. I was excited to read that, and hopeful everything would go well. Baby C was such a trooper, as were his parents.

Monday night/Tuesday morning I read the latest update on the web page. Baby C didn't make it. He had complications with his lungs during the surgery, and died.

I read it about at 2am Tuesday. Cried buckets. Posted my comments on the web page, i.e., how sorry I was, etc. Then emailed work to forewarn them, so they could do what they could for C's dad, who works at my company.

Then I posted something about it on Tribe. And after crying some more, I flipped channels on TV trying to calm myself down. As much as I wanted to grieve, it wouldn't do me or my unborn son any good for me to let myself be all upset about it.

Tuesday at 5am I crawled into bed. I also ate 2 prunes just before doing so, as I've been fighting off pregger constipation. Sometime around 6am I fell asleep.

Tuesday morning, 8am, I got up. Had a major poo, but had to push to get it out. Then thought I had caused a contraction from all my pushing. And maybe also from my emotional upset over baby C. Oops...

Crawled back into bed, drank some water, and worried for a little bit. The "contraction" wasn't all that painful. And afterwards, all I felt was Braxton Hicks contractions, which aren't painful for me. I could only tell I was having them by feeling my belly, and thus knowing it was going from "hard basketball" to "soft volleyball". :)

I was told if I had 4 contractions an hour, I should go to the hospital. I thought about it. I REALLY didn't want to go.

When people go through a traumatic experience, the best thing for them is to sleep. It helps all sorts of things. Lets their minds process what's happened. If I went to the hospital, I was only going to get more stressed out. I wasn't having anything like painful contractions. Screw it. I put my head back on the pillow, and passed out.

It's hard to deal with the death of a little child. It never feels like it makes any sense. And, as an expectant mother, it was messing with me. Why did God take baby C away? Would He take my baby away, too?

Had to remind myself, even God went through this. He lost His Son. Admittedly, it was planned and necessary. And both Father and Son were in agreement over what had to happen. [Though neither liked the price that had to be paid. Jesus even asked His Father if the "cup" could be taken away from Him, but still, to have God's will be done over the matter.]

Reminding myself of that... and that God empathizes with our pain... made it easier. And made me a little less worried that God was going to be taking my baby next.

So, baby C is having his funeral on Friday. I don't think I'll be going... have too much going on at home, and not sure it's a good idea. Sounds like a little more stress than I should be putting myself through. Much like Scarlett O'Hara, I need to "think about baby C" another day. Gotta concentrate on my unborn son.

Tuesday, after sleeping in until 2 or 3pm, I crawled out of bed, fed the dogs, fed myself, got cleaned up, and headed down for my flu shot. Weeeee.... ;)

Wednesday I took it extremely easy. Didn't want to feel anything like a real contraction again until my son is really supposed to come out.

Thursday, i.e., today, was extremely busy. 9:20am ObGyn appointment, where the doctor told me that I hadn't had a "REAL" contraction Tuesday morning. And that, if I had had a real contraction, I'd know it, LOL! And that my unborn son was still hanging out in the womb, head down, and that other than a softening of the cervix on the vaginal side, there was no evidence that my son was coming out early, LOL! He's still happy to hang out for the long haul. :)

I had a 10:45am appointment with my psychiatrist. But before that, I needed something to eat, as I was STARVING. I rushed through McD's, scarfed food on the drive back to my shrink, and made it to the correct block in time... to see that there was NO parking allowed on the side of the street where my shrink is for about 3 blocks. Tree-cutting. No parking on the opposite side, as everyone and their dog was parked there. Did a few circles and finally found a place to park. Now I was late. I waddled my pregger body as fast as I could, short of running. [Running when you are 6 days from delivery is a bad idea, LOL!] Hit the crosswalk button. Car on my left decided to turn right in front of me when the light turned green, and when the crosswalk also said it was safe to go. I stayed on the sidewalk, muttering "Yeah, that's right, bitch. Ignore the pregnant woman." Mutter mutter mutter... I crossed the street, made it to my appointment. Shrink was running late too. Whew. Had a good talk with the people in the front office while waiting.

My shrink is a really sweet guy. We were both laughing as he's going to be in for shoulder surgery on my due date: we'd both be all doped up during Thanksgiving, LOL.

He talked a bit about baby C with me. As part of his getting his credentials, he got to work in different departments of the hospital. He said pediatrics was the hardest. Watching little kids be so sick and suffer... it got to him. So he totally understood how I was feeling.

Then we talked about, of all things, trying to feed my baby every 3 hours during the day so he'd be more inclined to sleep more during the night, LOL! And about how, once a baby is deeply asleep, it can be VERY HARD to get him/her to wake up for that scheduled feeding, LOL! His description of trying to get his own son to wake up during the day for a feeding was hysterical. :)

My shrink also told me to just try to enjoy this time as much as possible, to see the humor in all of it. Whereupon I replied, "I guess you've never read my blog!" ;)

So, appointment #2 done, LOL.

Drove to where I'd had my flu shot Tuesday. I'd forgotten to give them the "recommended donation". They were really appreciative of my coming back, and also remembered me talking about baby C! Whoa. Good memory! Heh.

It was only a few blocks from my shrink to where they were doing flu shots, so it wasn't that big a deal for me to go back. :) And it was the right thing to do.

Then did errands:

Pet store for 2 dog harnesses, so I could belt the dogs in to my car. Letting them run amok in the back seat with my son in a baby seat back there didn't sound like a good idea. They wouldn't intentionally try to hurt him, but they probably would step on the poor kid, LOL!

Orchard Supply Hardware for some cleaning tools. Wanted some empty squirt bottles so I could make some low-concentration bleach, or alcohol, or vinegar sprays. Trying to find some stuff that would be fairly safe to use to clean surfaces our son is going to be lying up against. Also got some more cleaning supplies and stuff...

Staples for stamps (I REALLY need to get those thank you notes out, LOL!), and for cardboard boxes to pack up all my Vampire and other children-inappropriate books that are still stored in our baby's future room. [Somehow I think he's a little young yet to be reading Anne Rice. :) ]

And gas.

Got home at 1:30pm. Cleaners hadn't been here yet. Whew! That meant the bathroom was available... I wouldn't be interrupting them cleaning it if I asked if I could pee. Heh... my bladder just gets smaller and smaller. Peed. Fed dogs. Realized I was going to DROP. Slept from 2pm to 5pm, with a couple of phone call interruptions. [Cleaners needed to postpone until Friday, Mother-in-Law checking in from Arizona to make sure the kid hadn't popped out yet, LOL. :) ]

So that's been my week so far.

Oh, with one more ironic thing: I got a letter from the EDD saying that my disability had been disapproved because they hadn't been given the amount of sick time I was going to be using! Hmph... well, there's the start of the pre-partum time until when I actually deliver, which is predicted to be November 21st, but that's really up to God. Then... let's see... if there's no complications, then 6 weeks from the birth for post-partum. If C-section, then 8 weeks from birth. If really bad complications, who the heck knows. Then there's the 6 weeks on top of that to "bond" with our baby son. So basically, damned if I know. Like I can predict this??? Granted, I had a feeling I was pregnant in the beginning, and a feeling that our son was going to stay in at least until the due date, but those are just moments of female intuition!!! Yeesh.

Did the EDD *MISS* the information that says this is all about maternity leave??

Harrumph. Looks like I have a couple or 3 phone calls to make tomorrow on top of the list of calls I already have in my queue. I think this is a miscommunication between either my ObGyn and the EDD or my company and the EDD. Or SDI and EDD. Not sure whom I need to complain to, LOL!

Well, that explains why I haven't gotten a check yet under SDI. GREAT.... Good thing I was trying to stash away a little cash prior to taking maternity leave.

Oh, yeah. And my Mom is freaking out and thinking she isn't physically capable of taking care of the baby when I go back to work. Which I kinda wondered about anyway, because of Mom's congestive heart failure. The recent freak out is because she had a "bad week" with her congestive heart failure. And I can totally understand that making her worry if she's really up to taking care of our son. But at the same time, hubby and I are both thinking she'll calm down about and change her mind next week, LOL. :)

And the other bad news: the girlfriend of a friend of ours is missing. She took off when she heard some upsetting news. She was in rehab for a while, then came to live with our friend and also live with her Mom, to finish detoxing. But now, as of Monday, she's un-locatable. Which probably means she's using again. Sigh. I really wish she'd completed her full stay at the rehab place instead of leaving early. Leaving early was really a mistake for her... she needed the full treatment time, far away from temptation, with professionals who could deal with what she's going through. I'm worried about her, and about our friend. Not much I can do about it.

And before you think of it, our friend would not have provided her with temptation. Far from it. It's just that, being out of rehab, she's back where she can make contact with people who could get her drugs. And am afraid that's exactly what's happened... that she's back under the influence. Sigh.

The good news: went out to dinner with hubby and one of his co-workers. Had an awesome time talking shit. And our friend's sister works at the restaurant, so got to talk to her as well, and hear about her 3 pregnancies, LOL. :) Basically it was just really nice to be outside just to chill, and have some real food.

I have to say, I'm developing quite a few acquaintances at the various clinics I've had to go to throughout this pregnancy, LOL! I think I mentioned once before that the phlebotomy department at one place wants me to bring our son by after he's born, LOL! Well, so does my shrink. :) It's cracking me up... I'm used to having friends at work, but having all these acquaintances at my various doctor's offices?!?!? :)

Oh, another thing about baby C. I had been keeping my parents up to date on his condition for most of his life. That way they could pray for him, and have their Bible Study also pray for him.

I was a sick little kid growing up... nothing as bad as baby C, but still some things were predicted -- that thank God, never came to pass -- that scared the crap out of my Mom at least. Dad I think wasn't so scared... he was maybe partly in denial, and unwilling to accept any of the scary predictions until they actually happened. I did nearly die my first year, due to my puny immune system. But here I am now, basically a normal 39 year old, having (thank God!) a reasonably healthy pregnancy.

There's what doctor's predict, and there's what God says will happen. God trumps doctors every time.

Anyway, my Mom had been identifying alot with baby C because of her experience with me being so sickly as a little kid, and all my hospital visits. So here I was, with this bad news. I'd already taken it pretty hard... how hard would Mom take it?!?!? I decided to put off telling her. Emailed my Sister about it.

Well, ironically, my Sister was on the phone with our Mom while my Sister was reading the email I sent her. My Sister read the email to our Mom before she got to the point where I said, "I dread telling Mom about this", LOL! So Mom got to hear about it, got to get her crying out with Dad, and pray over it. And was basically ok with it by the time I next spoke to her!

I was HORRENDOUSLY grateful to my Sister, LOL! Even if she only told Mom on accident! :)

So, thinking about what happened to baby C also made me think of what if I died during the birth. I'd be leaving my poor husband w/o a wife, and my son w/o a mother. And what would this do to my parents? I was pretty sure my Husband and my Sister would survive the loss. But not so certain of my parents. It would probably kill my Mom... whereupon Dad would die from the shock of losing both Mom and me. Sigh.

I found myself hoping my Sister could tell my parents about my death, too, and take it out of my hands. I wasn't sure I could handle how they would react to it.

Whereupon... yeah... hee-hee. :) Realized it wouldn't really be in my hands in the first place. And got the stupid giggles. :)

Addendum:

My ObGyn's office talked to the EDD office, and straightened it all out. The guy at the EDD office even called me just to verify my home address for sending the checks! And he was INTELLIGENT, and COMPASSIONATE, LOL! And very concerned that I'd been stressed out by the decline letter. [I was a little stressed about it last night, but by this morning, realized it would just probably take some phone calls to fix it.]

So, I can still afford to be on Maternity Leave! Yea!!!!!!! :)

Anything negative I've said about government workers I have to take back, LOL. :)

Birth Plan

2007-11-09T05:20:00.000-08:00

Running on low energy here... but keeping my sense of humor.

So my niece-in-law had her baby last Friday. Baby "J". :) She got to go home before he did, because the poor kid aspirated some meconium, i.e., some baby-in-the-womb-poo. But he's ok. Now she's at home, fighting off an infection (probably from giving birth), and he's the one doing alot better.

I've been keeping my parents up to date on J's condition. My parents go to a Bible Study, and I wanted them to be able to pray for him. 'Course, I need to keep them up to date on my niece, as I think she's now having a rougher time. :P

Before J came home from the hospital, my Mom and I were discussing the situation, and how it must be making J's parents feel.

Mom: "So, when do you think they'll let him go?"

My sense of timing struck.

Me: "Oh, in about 18 years, then I expect they'll send him to college."

DEAD SILENCE.

Me: "Sorry, couldn't resist."

Groan on the other end of the phone. :)

In other news...

My husband was hot to trot to get an electronic copy of my Birth Plan. I was ok with showing it to him, of course. I mean, it's a joint affair... heh, whether he likes it or not. ;) [He'd rather wait in the waiting area with everyone else. 'Course, so would I, but there's no way for me to "not be there" during the birth, LOL!]

But I was a little confused as to why he wanted an electronic copy of the birth plan as soon as I could get it to him. I knew we were pretty much in agreement on everything. The only thing I wasn't sure of was circumcision, but since he's a guy, I deferred to him on that one. :) [And yeah, he says our baby boy is getting circumcised.]

Then he surprised me. He took the birth plan, and did this:

YES side:

NO side:

Yes, he laminated it and double-sided it. :) He condensed my text to something quick and easy to understand. He also picked up a cool "leash" for it for me to wear.

That way, if he's not in the delivery room, (and I'm babbling incoherently in pain/delirium), someone can just look at the card to see what I would have wanted! :)

This is on par with how, a week or two ago, he brought home flowers for me. Just because. :)

Niecy Nash and Hot Chocolate

2007-10-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

Today, Monday 10/29/2007, was my first day of my Maternity Leave. Totally weird, not having to go to work. And yet NOT being laid off. Messing with me.

Nice to be off work w/o worrying about job hunting and resume writing. Nice to know my job will be there when I get back. But weird to be off work in order to be Suzy Homemaker and a new Mom!!! :)

My Gestational Diabetes doctor said I could get away with an occasional hot chocolate. My numbers have been decent enough.

Sunday night, I gave in to that urge and had a Nestle French Vanilla Hot Chocolate, with cinnamon dumped in to hopefully reduce the sugar spike. [Cinnamon is supposed slow down the digestion of whatever you're eating.]

My husband isn't fond of the French Vanilla. I however thought it was divine.

I had it rather late, as my husband was working on some documentation, and wanted me to look it over when he was done. I had it in part to help me stay up. I mean, what did it matter to me? I could sleep in Monday.

Well, I was still ready to fall over. My husband sent me to bed... it was almost 2am. I ended up reading his document after he got home from work Monday.

While in bed, drifting off, my unborn son started to go hyper. If he had been outside my belly, he'd have been running laps around the block! Oops. He definitely got the first jolt of sugar and caffeine.

Two hours later, at about 4am, I woke up to pee. Because that's what I do all night... wake up every 1 or 2 hours to pee. I came back to bed, lay down, and promptly started sneezing. My husband had to be up early, and as I lay there, blowing my nose, I realized I was WIDE AWAKE. The caffeine and sugar had reached me now, somehow...

I got up and took the dogs, some water, and some kleenex with me. The water, because, in spite of the fact that my bladder is squashed into a container the size of a grape, I'm supposed to be drinking 128 ounces of water a day since I'm pregnant. I never make it, but I get about 5/8 or 6/8 of the way there, as judged by how many 16 ounce bottles of water I can drink.

Now, most people know they should be drinking eight eight-ounce glasses, or 64 ounces. Because their bladders are normal sized, and it makes no sense to send them running to the bathroom as often. It's just not as funny w/o the pregnant waddle. It's definitely a sight-gag. I know there must be camera's hidden throughout the house just to capture each of my frantic trips to the bathroom.

So I'm sitting there, in the recliner, flipping through channels. I see this show called "Clean House". It reminds me of "Clean Sweep", which is one of those shows that brings me great hope. You see, I am a packrat, and I live in a packrat's house. Watching other packrat's find a cure always gives me hope.

Well, "Clean House" is totally just like "Clean Sweep". So I settle in to have my hope renewed.

I'm up watching it for a while. The host... looks... REALLY familiar. Like she should be wearing a police uniform, with her hair up, and brandishing a gun. In Nevada.

I do some checking. Sure enough, it's Niecy Nash, the funny black chick from Reno 911, which my husband and I are addicted to.

I end up watching more of the show just for her! I've already become a big fan of her comedic talent, as well as the talent of all the other actors and actresses on that under-appreciated show, Reno 911.

But it was really weird. Houses got clutter tossed out, and some very nice changes done to them. Home-owners were blown away with being able to see their floors again. But no-one got arrested, nothing got blown up. Made it very surreal.

At 6am, I finally felt tired again. Crawled back into bed. My husband woke me up when he got ready to leave. I then passed back out until 1:30pm!

Yikes. And Day 1 began.

Crawled out of bed. Fed the dogs. Pricked my finger. Fed myself. Pricked my finger again. Folded laundry. Did more laundry. Ironed some pants for my husband. And that was it. Didn't accomplish anything more other than faxing in my Gestational Diabetes numbers and sending some emails.

So much for Suzy Homemaker. :P Guess I can't be too hard on myself. 3 weeks and 2 days to go on the pregnancy.

What we're paid for...

2007-10-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

So, today, it's 5 weeks until this kid pops out of me. Assuming of course he knows the schedule, LOL.

Last night I went over to this lab where one of the pieces of software I support is running. I had just come from my nighttime doctor's appointment... heh, I had 2 doc appointments yesterday plus work! Talk about running me ragged.

Anyway, I get all bunny-suited up (which is NO small feat when you are nearly 8 months pregnant), and waddle my ass into the lab. The 2 night test engineers are in there, preparing to run stuff on the system I support.

I make a few key changes, ensure my stuff is backed up, and tell them to go for it. They load stuff, and click Start. I stand around, wanting to watch to ensure my changes aren't going to cause any problems. Just for warm fuzzies: my changes were really benign. Not doing anything major to a system that I won't be around to support once I go on Maternity Leave, LOL! Once I start leave, I'll be out of commission until mid February.

It's been my experience that people who use hardware/software I support, even if they aren't "technically trained", i.e., don't have a "real engineering degree", are still people who HAVE A BRAIN. Some people don't extend themselves beyond the exact tasks they are being asked to perform, and yet others pick up an intuitive knowledge of the systems they use day in and day out, and can offer insight's you would have missed about the very system you helped develop.

I.E., a college degree and your IQ level aren't necessarily directly proportional!!!

And shoot, I learned way more out of college than I ever did IN college.

But unfortunately, not everyone shares my opinion.

Anyway, one of the test engineers and I get to talking. He's explaining why he's been avoiding using one part of the system. He suspects a problem. The hardware engineer has attempted before to do something about the problem, but his initial solution caused a different, unintentional side effect, and so hasn't been in use for a while.

So the test engineer is telling me what he thinks might solve the original problem. We both discuss some ideas... I'm no hardware type, but what he's suggesting sounds pretty good to me.

I ask him if he's going to tell the hardware engineer about his ideas, as I watch him crumbling the drawings of his solutions and tossing them in the trash.

He responds with, "No, I'm not paid to think."

At which point I had to put my forehead down on my arm and just shake, I was laughing so hard!!!

[I knew the hardware engineer must have said that to him. Sigh.]

Man... I'm going miss those test engineers while I'm on Maternity Leave. Sigh. :)

Rats and Straws

2007-10-11T00:24:00.000-07:00

All this insanity going on, and I forgot to post about the rat at work.

[Either that, or I DID post about the rat at work, and my pregnant brain can't remember it.]

So, a couple weeks ago, I get in and there's all these pieces of plastic on the floor. I slowly figure out it's the lid to my can of nuts... THE can of nuts that is SAFE for Gestational Diabetes. There's also a couple of nuts on the floor. I show my co-worker, and I email our maintenance dude that we have a RODENT.

At the end of work, I toss all the food on my shelves away. I can just see the rodent crawling all over my stuff. I don't lysol my desk, but I do lysol where my food had been on my shelves. I ensure that the only food I'm leaving in my shared office is in the filing cabinet.

Then, the following week, while I was out sick on Monday (chills/cold sweats/exhaustion) and Tuesday (3 hours of sleep/exhaustion), the rat came back, and broke into my OTHER jar of nuts. This jar had a HEAVY red plastic lid. It was the nuts I can't eat, because they are salted, and I can feel my blood pressure go up when I munch on them. I left them out on my desk for others to eat. Guess the rat took me up on my hospitality.

My office-mate was at a meeting when I got in. I read (in email) about the 2nd visit of the rat well after I'd put my crap down on top of my desk, in areas the rat might have walked across. Ick.

I lysoled the surface of my desk. I lysoled some items that were on my desk that I take home with me every evening, but otherwise managed to stop myself from going too crazy. The following morning, before I set stuff down, I lysoled the desk again and then set my purse and my lunch pail, etc., down. My poor office-mate opened a window to keep from gagging on the lysol stench. He mentioned that the cleaning lady cleaned off my desk after the rat had been there, and I tell him that I bet she didn't swab it down with an antiseptic. [This is because I watched her use her duster to move the prior can of nuts' lid flakes around the floor to one location so she could easily pick them up. And because she was willing to take some of the food that I'd thrown into the trash (because the rat might have walked around the packaging) and take it home. I mean, yeah, maybe I'm at the extreme end of germaphobia, but she's kindof at the extreme of not caring about germs, LOL! She's a nice person, but I don't think the word "sterilize" is in her vocabulary. :) ]

So, that was the rat situation. It broke into other people's cans of nuts, as well! I guess it really likes nuts!

There's a sticky trap under my desk, but as I no longer have food out, the rat hasn't come back. I suspect that, with everyone hiding food now, it's probably given up and escaped the building.

The rat situation has been going on while all kinds of other things were going on over the past 2 or 3 weeks. But with all the other things, I forgot to blog about the rat. Which is ironic, because having a wild, disease-ridden rodent crawl all over my stuff is like my worst nightmare.

We've had a rat and we've had mice in the house, pooing everywhere, especially in our lower kitchen cabinets, which double both as a place to put pots and pans, as well as a pantry. Trying to clean all of that up periodically drives me totally batty, especially when I realize it's time to also clean ALL OF THE PANS, ETC., that the rodent might have walked over or peed/pooed on. That is a MAJOR task. We've got alot of pots/pans/dishes down there.

If I weren't afraid our dogs would eat it, I would get a cat. A really MEAN cat.

Anyway, no further signs of the rat at work since my food at my desk has been kept in the filing cabinet at night.

Please, don't get me wrong: I don't dislike all rats. Pet rats are great. They are disease free, and can be taught to not go hide in the kitchen and poo everywhere, LOL! It's the wild ones that decide to make themselves pests... or the wild mice. Or cockroaches or termites. Basically, the uninvited guests are the ones that piss me off.

I'm very much an animal person, but when a creature decides to invade my home and defecate everywhere, I get rather murderous thoughts towards it.

So straws. Well, the exhaustion has I think become the last straw.

Wednesday night, 10/10/2007, I was to have my last birthing class. My husband was on travel, due to a mixup in when his conference really was, and so he wasn't going to make the birthing class.

I was at work, sitting there, looking through my birthing class notes to see what the last class was about. And I realized that I didn't really care anymore. I was so tired... all the time. My hips have decided to hurt way more often. Just sitting in the computer chair that day was painful. I figured that was a sign.

I was done. Friggin done.

And after the class, I'd have to come home and try to clean up a little, "find the floor", so our house cleaners would have actual SURFACES to clean Thursday, LOL! And although I care about them dearly, they aren't the greatest at getting food off of our dishes, so I was planning on also doing a ton of dishes, even though that tends to really mess with my back right now. :P

I decided right then and there that I wasn't going to any more evening baby classes when I had been at work all day. Screw that. Yeah, the classes were so I'd be a good mother, and so I'd be informed about labor, etc., etc. But if I didn't get some rest at night, I was going to drop the kid right then and there.

So I skipped out on the last birthing class. And I made a mental note to skip out on next Monday's "breast feeding class". I've read a little about the difficulties some women have breast feeding, and what to do about it. I think I'll just wing it. :P

So that brought it down to 2 more classes. The first is "Baby Basics", which is on a Saturday morning. [It's the makeup class for the one my husband and I were too tired to attend on the morning of the baby shower.] And the last class is a baby CPR class, on a Monday night, but I should be off work by then. Those I don't want to miss.

So yeah. I give up. I'm not superwoman. I'm a tired pregnant woman who has been doing her best to meet everyone's expectations, but who just can't right now.

Besides, all this stuff, all this stress has been distracting me in a way from what it's really all about. It's about this adorable baby boy growing inside of me. It's about talking to him while he's in there, and talking to him when he's finally come out.

I am already in love with our son. He and I have had some long and meaningful conversations. :) Or more often some very silly ones, LOL!

And that's what all of this whole insanity of pregnancy is about: our son.

I love that today, Thursday, he kept squirming around while my ObGyn tried for the longest time to find his heartbeat. At one point she said, "Oh, did you hear that? That's him moving! You're going to have to run after this kid when he's born!" :) She finally found the heartbeat, and thank the Lord, it was in a good range. So far, he seems like he's doing REALLY WELL, even though I've got Gestational Diabetes, even though I'm getting more and more tired and miserable of being pregnant, LOL, and even though I found out that 64 ounces of water a day is actually HALF of what I should be drinking while pregnant!

I think I'll just move my computer at work into the bathroom upstairs, LOL! Yikes. Either that or learn how to catheterize myself and stick a bag down a pant leg.

The irony of drinking THAT MUCH WATER, when your bladder is being squished to a small fraction of it's original size, is hysterical. Then there's the fact that my "What to Expect when you are Expecting" book says not to hold it in if you have to go: just go to the bathroom and go. Why? Because a full bladder CAN bring on premature labor!

Yikes. It's just really amusing to get upstairs into the bathroom and do my thing, and then be like, "What, bladder, you made me come up here for THAT amount? Yeesh." Yes, there are downstairs bathrooms at work... but the upstairs bathroom, well, flushes better, LOL! And is generally cleaner as it's less used. :)

And although it's probably not helping my hips, it's at least giving me SOME exercise.

So, I'm just done. I can't do it all. I give up.

I've got a little under 6 weeks to the due date. This is it, the last stretch.

But wait!!! There's more!!

2007-10-09T19:07:00.000-07:00

I stayed home sick today, Tuesday, 10/9/2007. Was wiped out.

Thought I got you guys all caught up with my prior post with all the weirdnesses that have been going on since Monday of last week to today.

But NO... I typed too soon.

I checked my work email from home. Meetings for "Open Enrollment" are on November 1st and 2nd. For my company's new insurance plan. Which starts December 1st.

I see my ObGyn on Thursday, 10/11/2007, for a checkup and to also ask her how much time she recommends I stay home prior to the birth. I'm due 11/21/2007, unless they decide to induce, or the baby decides to come out early. I was thinking I'd start SDI 11/05/2007. That's a little over 2 weeks... probably not enough time, especially if the docs say the baby needs to come out early.

I don't know yet if my ObGyn, or the Pediatrician I picked out, will be on the new insurance. They probably will, as this new insurance is supposed to cover MORE doctors. Crossing fingers. Rather not deliver with one ObGyn, then have to see another one I've never met for my recovery!

If my ObGyn says I need to take time off prior to 11/05/2007, I may not LEGALLY be allowed to attend the Open Enrollment new insurance meetings. Once you are SDI, you cannot enter your place of work. I'd have to send my husband to them!!! So he'd have to miss time at his work in order to get me (and him) enrolled in the new insurance. [We are covered on my insurance currently as mine is better than his, and as his won't cover me if I'm employed and have the opportunity to have insurance with my company.]

If my pregnancy runs 2 weeks late, I may be on an insurance that won't cover my current ObGyn, my current hospital, etc.

Ok... whom did I piss off? This is just getting ridiculous.

I keep thinking this can't get any more messed up or stressful. Heh-heh.

My 2nd job

2007-10-09T15:25:00.000-07:00

The longer I'm pregnant, the more I realize this is truly a 2nd job.

I'm exhausted all the time.

My hips are sore, so I move pretty slowly.

At night, I have problems breathing due to my nose drying out and then clogging up. I have to sleep on my right or left side, and that just aggravates the hip pain. I have tried Tylenol PM for the pain relief and the decongestant, which also should make me sleepy. But it makes my nose dryer, and makes me pee really often at night. And it doesn't seem to touch the hip pain. It actually seems to exacerbate my nose being stuffed up at night. :P

As it is, w/o a decongestant, I still pee 4 or more times every night. And with... yeah. Makes me pee more.

Have started to try Ocean nasal spray to keep my nose from drying out so much. Am hoping that will be what it takes. And shoot, I can always spray my nose again when I have to get up to pee. :P

So this past week has been interesting:

On the night of Sunday, 9/30/07, woke up to pee. It was really cold, but didn't notice it. Did my thing, then washed my hands in cold water. Just as I was about to get back to bed, I suddenly felt really chilled. I crawled into bed, and shook and shivered. And my hands HURT. It was like the cold water on my hands had been the last straw!

It took a long time for me to finally warm up.

Then, after finally warming up, I had cold sweats.

Monday, October 1st, I stayed home sick. That whole thing just wiped me out.

Mom called me, wanting to meet with me when my husband was out of town (so I wouldn't lose spending time with my husband) so we could discuss what items she would need at her place when babysitting our son. Now, I was 7 weeks 2 days from delivery. I'm working (or trying to), attending more baby classes than I can shake a stick at, having 1 to 2 doctor's appointments a week, and constantly exhausted. I was in the process of getting the whole SDI/FLMA/CFRA/etc allowing me to take time off for pregnancy and delivery. The idea of adding one more task, one that could wait until I was taking time off, about wiped me out. I was tired, stressed out, staying home trying to sleep. I don't think my Mom quite understood that she was adding one more thing that I couldn't juggle.

I HAD to work for the $$$ for delivery, etc. Diapers weren't going to pay for themselves, and we're already a 2 income family by necessity. I had to go to the baby classes so I'd know what to do for our new son. I had to go to the doctor's appointments to catch any problems and know if I'd need to have insulin shots for the Gestational Diabetes, or if I'd need to be induced, or if I'd need a caesarian, or if there was any other problems with the pregnancy. I had to rest every night I didn't have grocery shopping or a baby class. I was also doing final preparations for the Baby Shower that week.

Mom was going to have to bend, because everything else wouldn't.

As it was, the idea of even meeting with her on a weekend was horrible. I've been sleeping 16 hours a day on the weekends, if I can get it. It's like I'm trying to catch up for the week.

Yeah, ironically I could sleep on weekends. Not well on weekdays.

Monday night I couldn't sleep. I got about 3 hours of sleep if that. Don't know if it was due to the conversations with my Mom or not. I think it was a little of everything.

Tuesday, October 2nd, I had an 8:20am appointment with my Gestational Diabetes doctor. I got up to call them at 8am and say it wasn't happening. I wasn't driving there on 3 hours of sleep with full-on pregger exhaustion. No friggen way. [Heh: so much for my absolutely HAVING to go to doctor appointments. :P ]

I emailed work that I was staying home sick again. And crawled back under the covers to try to sleep some more.

Mom called again. I tried to explain that we really didn't need to have this conversation so early. That I'd be taking time off prior to the birth, and we could totally do it then. She explained how she needed her ducks in a row, and how she knew I understood that, as I always needed that too. Ghrrrrrrr.

Wednesday, went to work. That night went to the birthing class. Got to go through a full labor dress rehearsal, so to speak. Well, was mostly all about the breathing. :)

Thursday, went to work. Got educated by HR on the forms and plans, etc., available to me. Sorta had a handle on it...

Realized I HAD to get my car's oil changed and fluids/air pressures checked. Had been attempting to do that for weeks. Went to Jiffy Lube at lunch.

In the early evening, while at work, I vented to my Sister in email that Mom really needed to lay off the pressure right now, because I was already doing my best to do everything I SHOULD do prior to having birth, and I was out of bandwidth as it was.

That led to my writing a long email to my Mom that effectively communicated the fact that I was already stressed out to the limit. And also explained why, therefore, we REALLY needed to postpone this babysitting planning when I had more time and rest.

Thursday evening, left the building to find my right front tire was flat. Didn't realize it until I had driven about 100 yards from work, having turned around a corner so I was out of sight of my building. Finally pulled over to figure out why my steering was all screwy. :P

WTF???? Apparently I had FAILED to appease the car gods when I took care of my car earlier that day.

There should be a rule against that happening. If you take your car in for care, it should NOT have a flat tire later that same day! It's not bloody fair. And I wasn't in any physical shape to be changing the tire myself.

Called my husband, who was trying to make a nice dinner. Told him I was on the street, that I was going to run back to work to go to the bathroom, then would be back on the street with my car. Hobbled back to work, peed, hobbled back to car, and waited.

Husband missed the turn, and came to work the rear way. So I never saw him, as he was around a corner from me. He stopped at my company and honked his horn for about 15 minutes. I never heard a single honk. I kept watching the cars coming from the opposite direction... the direction I always drove in to work. I kept flashing a little keychain light at approaching cars to let them know where I was, in case one of those cars was my husband.

We both got angrier and angrier at each other, LOL!

My husband finally gave up and drove around the street, towards where my car actually was. He pulls over and yells "Where were you? I've been honking my horn for 15 minutes!" I yell that I'd been there, where I told him I would be, and that I never heard the bloody horn.

He pulls over. I move my crap into his car, somewhat violently. I'm really pissed now, because I was already angry at him, and now he'd yelled at me on top of it, LOL! So I imagine he was extra pissed, too, because he had already been pissed, and then after yelling at me, he gets yelled at!

He decides to go ahead and change my tire for my spare rather than leaving the car there. He does so, and he's much calmer. I get much calmer, except I'm still f*cking frustrated that I had done the right thing for my poor car, and yet here I was. Not fair. NOT FAIR.

Then my Mom calls on my cell. My first thought was, "Oh, God. She's read my email." I felt like my email was maybe a little bit scathing, as I was stressed out when I wrote it. I couldn't decide whether I should expect her to chew me a new one, or go all apologetic on me. Neither one felt like something I could deal with right then.

She asks me where I am, and I explain that my husband is changing my tire. Whereupon she goes all worried on me, and says she must not have been praying hard enough for me! [Later, when I told my husband what she said, he jokingly told me I should have told her to "Get to it, then!", LOL!]

Anyway, it's obvious she hasn't read my email yet. We hang up. Husband gets ancient spare tire on, puts regular tire in my trunk.

He follows me home. About 1 or 2 miles from the house, that's it: I break up into tears. It's just been too much.

When I get inside the house, my sweet husband cheers me up, and we work out how our schedule is going to go Friday. At one point, he's jonesing for sugar. We head to 7-Eleven. When we get back, we look at the spare tire... AND NOW IT'S FLAT.

I felt horrible, but I needed him to help me out. Friday was his day off, but I needed him to pump my spare tire back up, (I'd already discovered I no longer was physically capable of doing that when trying to use a bicycle pump on one of my tires a week ago) and to give me a ride to work after I dropped off my car at the tire shop. And I was hoping we could schedule things such that I could still make my doctor's appointment that morning!!!

Well, we eventually crashed, after eating his wonderful spaghetti.

Friday, 10/5, we both woke up late and dead tired. I called and (sigh) cancelled yet ANOTHER doctor's appointment, and emailed work explaining I'd be in after I dropped my car off at the tire shop. Husband followed me to tire shop, then took me to work, and then went to meet friends for lunch.

And the tire? It was fine. When Jiffy Lube checked the pressure on it, the valve stem must have gotten stuck. It slowly leaked air out all Thursday afternoon. The tire shop replaced the valve stem, and the tire is doing great. And I ended up telling Mom that her prayers WERE being heard, since it only cost me $10.00 for the labor and the replacement stem.

Friday night we dropped crap off at our friends, S&R, who were hosting the baby shower. And I did dishes, as I sensed I wasn't going to have the stamina later on.

I slept horribly. Husband had nightmares.

Saturday, October 6th: 7:30am rolls around. I tell husband I'm exhausted. He says he had nightmares. I ask him if he's ok with us missing the "Baby Basics" class from 8:45am to noon that morning, and going to it next month. He says, "Oh, thank God!" We both go back to sleep until 10:30am.

Sometime either that morning, or the prior night, my Mom responds really sweetly to my email regarding postponing her, uhm, ducks. :) Phew!

We get to S&R's early, and help set stuff up. So it works out. We would have been too wiped out if we'd done the Baby Basics class earlier that day to do any helpful preparational work.

Baby shower was from 2pm to 5pm. And it was awesome. :) I had a couple of foot in mouth events (which amazes me, since I can barely reach my feet anymore, much less stick one in my mouth), but otherwise it was perfect. Everyone was awesome. Got alot of stuff we need, and alot of very cute items as well. :) And we didn't play any cutesy baby-shower games. Instead we hung out, ate, drank, talked, and opened presents.

It was totally awesome. :) I was amazed at how many people were THERE for us. It honestly blew me away.

We leave around 7pm. Husband has to catch a flight Sunday morning. I do laundry and a few other things. Husband packs. We crash, dead tired.

Sunday, October 7th: I crawl out of bed. Husband finishes packing. I drive him to the airport by 10:30am, kiss him goodbye. He gets to spend all Sunday in the air in order to reach the East Coast. He'll end up landing around 9pm East Coast time. He makes it to the hotel just in time for ROOM SERVICE TO STOP FOR THE EVENING, at 10pm their time, or 7pm our time. :P

After I dropped my husband off, I picked up meds at the pharmacy, groceries at the grocery store, then stopped by S&R's to pick up our 2 camp chairs, our blue cooler, and the punch fountain my husband borrowed from a friend.

Thankfully, R had washed the punch fountain Saturday for me. Which is good, because by the time I got there, I was starting to feel light headed. [I hadn't eaten breakfast before dropping my husband off at airport.] S & R were not at home, but had left the key for me so I could pick up stuff.

If someone had been secretly filming me trying to get all the pieces of that punch fountain back into the styrofoam slots for it, and then get that back into the box, it would have made for a hysterical YouTube video. :) Pregger brain and low blood sugar were NOT helping me. Eventually I succeeded, then I loaded the car up, and drove home.

Honestly, packing the camp chairs was the worse. I had to bend over to wrangle them into their carrying bags. Apparently I don't DO bending over very well anymore, LOL!

I got home, unloaded the car, put the frozen groceries away, fed the dogs, pricked my fingers for my fasting blood sugar, ate breakfast, then crashed in bed, expecting to get up when the 1 hour alarm went off for me to prick my fingers again.

That alarm came and went. I slept from 1:30pm-ish until 4pm-ish, with small interruptions!

My parents, my husband's parents, and my husband's sister (and her 3 boys) came over to see the loot that had been mailed directly to the house. [Husband and I had agreed it would be too much to transport to the Baby Shower, and instead, at the shower, I announced all the gifts that we'd already received.]

I was stinky, hadn't brushed my teeth, and was too tired to care. I'd invited everyone over back when I had some strange idea that I'd have energy, LOL! But ended up having a good time. And no-one seemed to care that much that I probably stank.

Sister-in-law's 3 boys and my Father-in-law played with our German Shepherds until they were ready to drop. (The dogs were ready to drop, not the humans.) Everyone came back inside with all their fingers intact. I was pleased with my dogs. 2 of the boys are around 9 and 11, and they squeeled alot. Was worried the dogs would go into "prey drive" mode or something, but they were AWESOME around the kids. Finally brought the boys and Father-in-law indoors in order to give the poor dogs some time to rest, LOL!

Everyone trooped into the "guest bedroom"/"baby nursery"/"baby-stuff storage room" and saw the other loot we'd gotten. This was especially important for my parents. My Sister had gone in with them on all this stuff, and had taken care of ordering all the stuff and having it shipped. My parents hadn't even SEEN what they'd help get us yet!!!

Then we had a demo of Halo 3, which Sister-in-law's oldest son did for us. :) [He's played Halo 1 and 2... and now is very much jonesing for 3.]

Everyone filed out. I fed the dogs, fed myself, and kindof collapsed.

Monday, 10/8: Get 2 phone calls in the morning. One is from my husband. Pregger-brain is apparently catching, because he got the dates he needed to be back East mixed up. His conference didn't start until Tuesday, and finished on Wednesday. When he woke up today at 4am West Coast time to make it into work 8am East Coast / 5am West Coast time, he read when the conference actually started, groaned, and put his head back on the pillow.

So he spent Monday driving around, seeing the sights. And he has to stay an extra day. I don't pick him up from the airport until Thursday... and if the flight is late, I might not be able to pick him up as it might interfere with my ObGyn appointment that day!!!

Yikes.

And he misses the last Birthing Class Wednesday night. I'm almost jealous. There have been several Wednesday nights when I just wished the damned thing were available over the web, so I could be in my comfy recliner under a blanket, resting while watching the class. :P

And, my husband could have flown out Monday. Which means he could have helped me retrieve our stuff from the Baby Shower on Sunday. AND he could have gotten an extra day to see his Sister. [His Sister had to drive back home to Arizona Monday. She drove all the way out here on Friday, with her kids, in order to attend the Baby Shower on Saturday.]

Finally, Saturday night, he could have gotten more rest after the Baby Shower instead of having to hurriedly start packing for the trip. And I could have waited on starting the laundry -- I had to do it early so he'd have clean underwear! :)

So, all you husbands out there, beware: pregger-brain IS contagious. It can infect you, too. Just because your hormones aren't going all crazy doesn't mean you aren't losing IQ points along with your pregnant wife!!!! :)

Oh, the OTHER Monday morning phone call. Here is the number. Do Not Call Them. They are becoming an extreme annoyance, and I realize they will be legally allowed to be for another 31 days from when I got pissed and put our home phone on the Do Not Call list. I guess you can't reasonably expect a company to take you off their calling list for at least 31 days from when you register on the http://www.donotcall.gov site.

(954) 724-9490
PPI / Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes

[When my caller id sees it, it just says "Personal Period", which must be what the first 2 P's are for.]

I have probably deleted a few times they have called, but our caller id reports that, from 9/3 to 10/9, they have called 10 times. The calls appear to be twice a day: once in the morning, which is going to be annoying as hell when I'm off work on maternity leave and trying to sleep, and once in the evening. Because they have a calling machine that is faster at calling than their sales people are at picking up, all 10 calls have been hangup calls. Well, I think most of them have been... we haven't been home for some of them.

I googled their phone number (since googling "Personal Period" didn't do the trick), and found that they have become an extreme annoyance to many people. It seems that that's what they are good at, vs. actually selling stuff.

If people answer the phone, and get a human and say they aren't interested, the marketing person often hangs up on them before they have finished their sentence. If they try calling the number back, the voice mail is often full. If it isn't full, and they leave a message asking to be taken off the calling list, it doesn't happen.

Matter of fact, if this place actually speaks to you, or you leave them voice mail, the number of times per day that you are called often goes up geometrically!!!

Hence my advice NOT to call the evil bastards back!

I've never dealt with any tele-marketers who were quite this evil. Anyway, avoid them like the plague.

Sigh.

Monday night, I go over and pick up the last item from our baby shower hosts: a shade tent. That damned thing has come in really handy. We used to take it with us to dog shows, and now we keep taking it for other people's outdoor baby showers, or our own in this case, LOL! It's a little heavy, but has wheels on one side, so I didn't strain anything dragging it to the car, shoving it inside, and dragging it back out again.

And then I came home and crash, after depooing (dog poo) the backyard with a head-flashlight ('cause it didn't happen Sunday like planned, and boy was it dark by the time I got home), and watering the avocado trees. Whew.

Monday night, I tried once again going w/o Tylenol PM, but just squeezing Ocean nasal spray in my nose. Because the Tylenol PM is just drying out my nose worse. I swear I'm so close to having a genuine nose bleed right now, it's hysterical. I haven't had one since I'm a kid. But every time I blow my nose, it's like I'm visiting someone in the desert or something. And my lips are chapped too. Don't even talk to me about my poor dry hands.

Thought the humidity close to the ocean should stay at a reasonable level? About ready to purchase a humidifier, and risk extra mold in the house!

Today is Tuesday, 10/9. I didn't sleep well. Between dry nose, pregnancy, and husband being on travel... yeah. Emailed in sick, slept more. I don't know why, but my nose doesn't bother me so much during the daylight hours.

Great. I'm "allergic" to sleeping at night. Does that make me a vampire? How appropriate. ;)

Since I was home today, I dealt with that 954 marketing thing. And rested. Actually, after the insanity of the weekend, and working Monday, I think this is the most rested I've felt in over a week. Whoa.

Ok, that's it. My 2nd job of being pregnant is slowly killing me. My normal job is suffering because I'm wiped out all the time, or going to the doctor, or attending baby classes. And pregger-brain has infected my poor husband now, LOL!

Help.

Pregnancy is Weird

2007-10-01T23:15:00.000-07:00

So, I've had 2 new weird symptoms to add to my pregnancy experiences:

1. Sore thumb joints.
2. Chills, shakes, and then cold sweats at night.

Although I'm kindof wondering if the sore thumb joints is a real pregger experience, or simply a bug bite on my left thumb, and thinking I felt much lighter pain in my right thumb joint.

And the reason I'd have sympathy pain in the right thumb joint would be that I've noticed that, when a joint on the left starts hurting, eventually the one on the right will start in as well. My left-side joints are more open than my right side... always have been. And now, my left thumb joint is feeling a little better, so am wondering if it was really a pregger thing, or just a bug bite and inflamation, and then just sorta feeling similar, milder pain in my right thumb.

But as to chills/shakes... this was weird.

In the night, I wake up every 2 or 3 hours to go to the bathroom. At 6am, I headed off to the bathroom. Did my thing. Then washed my hands with cold water. It didn't feel that cold. I felt ok. Then I walked back to bed, and suddenly felt really chilled.

I crawled into bed and just started shivering. And then, my hands started to really HURT. Like they were experiencing the cold worse from having been washed in cold water. It took me a few minutes to finally feel warm again.

Then, later on, I had cold sweats.

When I finally got up, I was exhausted... more so than usual. Emailed in sick.

I have NO idea what was up with that. :P Pregger hormones.

And btw, as to the sore thumbs? No, I haven't been playing alot of video games, LOL! No, I don't go nuts doing text messages on my phone. And no, I don't hit the spacebar with my thumbs THAT much, LOL!

Good news and bad news

2007-09-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

So, the friend I talked about? Who needed my help a prior Tuesday, ironically on 9/11/2007?

She was asking for help I couldn't give her, but not asking for the help she truly needed. But thankfully, according to her boyfriend, she is now getting that help she truly needed. I am judiciously leaving out the details. But I am VERY happy that she's finally getting the help she actually needed. Whew.

And I'm proud of her. This will be the 2nd time she's needed this sort of help. After she got the help the first time, she was fine for many years. Having to get help a 2nd time had to be a real blow to her ego.

The boyfriend, who is also a really good friend of mine and my husband's, is kindof in shock. But holding up pretty well in spite of it.

Now for the bad news. I learned yesterday that a college friend of mine became divorced as of August 1st of this year. His wife wanted to study abroad for 4 years, and would get better financial aid benefits, and other benefits, if she were single. But although she hinted at it, she never firmly stated that she intended the divorce to be final, and not just a matter of convenience for the financial aid. However, she did say she might end up working abroad, or working in the States (but at a different location from where my friend lives), or possibly back in the same town my friend lives in. But no mention of inviting him to come abroad to work while she's in school, or visiting every 6 months. So, no indication that she intended to remarry him once she was done, but no definitive indication that she meant the divorce to be final. Just alot of evidence that pointed to the high probability that the divorce was final.

I mean, it made me wonder if she just wanted the marriage legally over, for the financial aid, but still wanted to remain faithful and married in spirit. She just really kept that aspect of the whole deal fuzzy where my college friend was concerned.

But the spiritual aspect of the marriage became pretty clear when she told my friend from college that she and this other guy were an item.

????

And now I just learned that she and this other guy in this other country got married, in order to increase her benefits?

My college friend is taking this REALLY well. I don't know if it's just his easy-going nature, or the fact that he's kindof had a heads up that things were going to get really weird, since his wife started planning in May to study abroad in September.

Me, I'm just dumbfounded. They were married for nearly 8 years. Was she ever really in love with my college friend? Was this always just a marriage of convenience, and now that she needs other things in life, it was no longer convenient?

Come to think of it, when they first got married, I think it was in part so she could get medical benefits from my college friend's health plan. But I always thought there was more to it than that.

I just can't see my college friend ever pulling this one someone else.

I can't see myself ever doing this to my husband, or him ever doing this to me, you know? We're in it for the long haul. We love each other. We're faithful to each other. We have a kid on the way.

Is it me, or is the world just going more and more crazy?

My Mom needs a keeper...

2007-09-18T23:00:00.000-07:00

So, I'm in Trader Joe's, getting some stuff that my Gestational Diabetes dietician recommended.

My cell rings. It's my husband. He tells me that my Mom has managed to lock herself out of her house! She was heading out to Bible Study, and then realized that her door and car keys were locked inside the house. Dad is working late, and won't be home until well after 11pm.

I call my Mom and let her know I just need to pick up a few more things, then I'll come unlock her door. I finish making my purchases and drive on over. There's Mom, sitting on the stairs to the back door.

I get out and tell her, "Ok, it's official: you need a keeper!" I'm grinning and obviously teasing her. She gets all embarrassed and guilty, saying she's really sorry to be a bother and stuff. I manage to get her to relax and tell her it's ok.

I mention the option of hiding some keys outside their house. Of course, she could also give spare keys to her friends or any neighbors she trusts.

I unlock the door, she goes inside and gets her keys, and we head back out.

Ever since the accident my relative had, my Mom's been a little nervous herself about driving. So I offer to follow her, since the Bible Study is on the way home.

So, she gets in her car, I get in my car, and off we go.

Before she leaves the housing area their place is in, she pulls over and turns on the windshield wipers. The wiper fluid ejection system is apparently aimed a little too high: I see twin jets of washer fluid mostly shooting up over the roof of her car, like she's got twin elves standing on the hood of her car, relieving themselves most POWERFULLY! I about fall over into the passenger seat, I'm laughing so hard!

I learned later that Dad had attempted to aim them more towards the windshield, but had failed. Hence, the, 'er, "watershow".

So, we hit the road again. She drives PAINFULLY slowly the entire way there. She confuses me once by signaling that she's getting into the right hand lane (when we're about to go through a light), and staying in the left lane when she's done. Ok, then... I shift back behind her, and decide not to believe her signals, LOL!

She turns down the wrong road to the Bible Study (something she claims she's never done before), and we both do U-turns to get her to the right location. I teased her later and said she was probably just nervous, because I was right behind her.

She parks. She thanks me for the escort. I head out for home.

Unbeknownst to me, as she's getting out of her car, her car keys fall OFF THE KEY CHAIN, and so when she closed her car door... YES, YOU GUESSED IT... she locked herself out of her car!!!

She didn't want to bother me about it, and so, after the Bible Study, got a ride home from one of her friends. Dad drove her earlier today to go rescue the car, LOL!

As it is, all I could have given her is a ride home. I don't have spare car keys for that car. ;)

My Sister and I are still laughing about it. :)

Where to start?

2007-09-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

Monday, 9/10/07, I worked almost 9 hours. Then I went grocery shopping. Once I got home, it was almost 7:30pm. I was tired, too tired to put groceries away. I needed to sit for a moment. And I badly needed dinner.

Husband is on couch in pain. Agony, actually, but I didn't realize it was that bad. Really bad cramps in his shoulders. He was trying to use a heating pad to fix it. I later found out they were bad enough to cause him to puke. :P Now that's bad.

I get this phone call from someone I don't recognize. She then explains she's with a close relative of mine, who has been in a car accident. And that my close relative is really rattled, and she really needs me to stay with her.

I pack a few items in my lunchbox, since I really can't be going hungry alot while preggers. Plus after I eat, I then have to prick my fingers. I don't know how long this whole thing is going to take, so...

I ask my husband to please put the groceries away while I'm off, having no idea that his pain is so bad he's going to puke while I'm gone! He mumbles something about sure. He says for me to give him a call if I need him to help. And amazing to me now, he does manage to put the groceries away, after he's finished puking. My husband is awesome.

My close relative... this was her wedding anniversary. She had called her husband, but his hearing is going, and he refuses to get a hearing aid. So the combination of static on her cell phone and his poor hearing meant that he didn't understand what she was asking him to do. So, he didn't come out to help her and/or just be with her. Add the fact that he was suffering from a bad case of the flu, and... yeah.

So I arrive. I talk to the cops. I talk to her. And I find out she accidentally ran a red light in the heart of downtown. The sunlight was in her eyes. She was driving really slowly, thankfully, because that part of town is notorious for having people walking against the light, and bicyclists zipping in and out of traffic.

When she was at the light, she saw a mom and daughter on her right. The daughter was holding the mom's hand. Then she looked away to move through the light, which she thought was green. She didn't see the daughter running ahead of the mom, into the crosswalk.

So yes, my close relative hit the little girl. :P Before you panic, the little girl was ok. The police assured my relative that the little girl was ok, but was being taken to the hospital to get checked on. The little girl was up and walking around after having been hit.

My relative probably only hit her hard enough to knock the poor little girl on her keester.

A ton of people stood in front of my relative's car. My relative tried to park, but the people were blocking her. They thought she was trying to flee the scene! She finally gave up trying to park, left the engine on, and got out of the vehicle. She stumbled forward and yelled that someone needed to call an ambulance, and if the little girl was alright.

The mother of the little girl merely glared at her. I guess I would have done that also, but the relative really hadn't meant to hit the little girl. My relative was very unsteady and shaky -- she has congestive heart failure -- and it took 2 men to carry her to a bench to sit down. And the police and ambulance eventually arrived.

There were two groups at the scene... the group surrounding the mother and child, and the group that was helping out my relative, getting her some cold water to drink. The group around the mother and child were all Mexican. The group around my relative were all white. It was really a shame, but that's exactly how the lines were drawn. :P

By the time I got there, there was a cop on duty, the ambulance had been and left, and the crowds had dispersed. I moved her car to a better parking location as she was in no condition to drive. I got debriefed by the cop and talked and comforted my relative. I heard that the little girl was going to be ok.

I then drove my relative to her home. We agreed that I couldn't drive her husband back to pick up the car, as he had the flu (and I'm nearly 7 months preggers), so the next day I called a cab to pick him up.

Meanwhile, my husband had vomited and put away groceries!

I crawled home, ate dinner, poked my fingers, and collapsed in bed, worrying about the little girl and about the probability that the mother of the little girl was going to sue the pants off my relative. Thankfully my relative has good automobile insurance.

And it bugged me how much the little girl's mom obviously hated my relative... when the whole thing was just a horrible accident. It also bugged me how it became this weird racial thing... group of Mexicans in one corner, group of whites in another. The whole thing was a combination of the worst of human nature and the best, in the sense that both groups were at least taking care of the person involved in the accident: the little girl on one side, my relative on the other.

That night I think I had the Chemistry nightmare. Something about realizing I had final exams and 2 papers due on my Chemistry class. Due the next day. I could remember what one paper was supposed to be about, but not the other. And then I realized I had finals in a bunch of other classes, but wasn't sure what and when they were as my planner just stopped at the day of the Chemistry final. Only I only realized it was both the Chemistry final and the day both papers were due at the same date and time towards the end, when I'd run out of time to write anything. And something about my sister telling me that maybe this whole thing wasn't mean to be? I think I screamed at her. :P

Tuesday, 9/11:

I was sortof calmer about what happened last night. Then, in the afternoon, I get a call from a friend. She needed me to help her out. For reasons I can't go into, I couldn't. She needs something she's not asking for, and until she asks for what she really needs... well... it's a long story. But after hanging up with her, I just felt helpless.

Got home after work. Ironed an outfit for my husband as he thought he would be heading to LA on Thursday, our 9th Wedding anniversary. Just a day trip.

Wednesday, 9/12:

Had an 8am appointment with the dietician. Thankfully, I'm doing pretty well on diet, according to the sugar testing numbers. Phew. But having to get up early enough to feed dogs, prick fingers, feed me... the time to prick my fingers AFTER breakfast coincided with when I was in bumper to bumper traffic, trying to get to my appointment in time. I ended up pricking my fingers in the dietician's office, about 10 minutes late, LOL!

Then work. Dead tired, and with 8+ hours of work, then 7 to 9pm baby class, I was going to be pretty trashed by the end of the day.

It was 11:50am. I was listening to "Blackout", by "Hybrid". I was singing along with it. There's a repeating line in it, "And the lights... go... out..." On the 2nd to last repeat of that line, as I was singing "And the lights... go... out..." -- they did. For 10 seconds.

I paused the song, freaking a little bit. My computer at work is on a UPS, so I hadn't lost any work. But the coincidence was just WEIRD.

I walked around the building, checking the computers that are running stuff I support, to make sure they were ok. Had to log back into one computer that my co-worker uses, and restart some software he runs. But that was about it.

I've had other weird coincidences in my life. Back in the early 90's, I prayed once for help from God to get up in the morning. I was really stressed about a project I was working on at work, and wanted to get in really early to keep working on it. For reasons I'm not sure I understood, I set my alarm for 4:30am.

Alarm goes off. I turn it off and the lights on. "What was I thinking? I can't even log into the network until 7am..." I put my head back on the pillow, leaving the lights on for the moment. At 4:31am, the Northridge earthquake starts.

I AM NOT KIDDING. I have had some weird shit happen in my life. I decided finally that I couldn't blame myself for the earthquake. Maybe it was God showing me that He listens to me, that He's there. And that He just made sure I set the alarm for the correct time, to set the coincidence up.

So, with the stressors occurring in my life recently... admittedly, things that are happening to other people I care about, not to me personally... maybe I needed a reminder of His presence. Hence the coincidence of this weird 10 second blackout.

So, I work until 6:30pm, then drove down to the baby class.

There was a video that was going to show an animation of the cervix opening up prior to birth. Animation. Ok, my husband and I can handle an animation. But then the video moved forward to showing a live birth! And, just for extra gross-out, the placenta coming out.

The entire class was speechless, and a little green. I looked over at my husband, and saw him furiously reading something in his lap rather than looking up to see that incredibly disgusting red blob of a placenta again!

The gal leading the class apologized for the placenta thing... she'd forgotten to forewarn us all. I raised my hand and said something about, "yeah, I thought this was going to be an ANIMATION?!?!?" Everyone laughed.

We leave the class at 9pm. Husband tells me that the LA trip got moved from Thursday to Friday. Now, if you're smart, you will NEVER try to drive to LA (or away from LA) on a Friday. Because THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WILL ALSO BE DOING. So he's not quite so keen on making that trip now, understandably, and is considering bowing out.

That night I had a strange dream about the baby again. Once again, he was twins, but not conjoined at least. Both of them were premature, and because of it, had pointy ears?!?!? And they were both in this huge playpen. I noticed that there were some animals in the playpen, including a bird. And in one corner was some bird and animal poo. I got into the playpen with them, with a scrub brush and some clorox, and scrubbed the poo away. And what was really extra weird, the floor wasn't a normal plastic playpen floor, but was a metal mesh floor... like the floor in a bunny hutch!

Thursday, 9/13:

Woke up late. Remembered just before husband left to say "Happy Anniversary!", LOL! Prepared my breakfast. Poked finger. Started eating while soaking dog food. Poked finger 10 minutes early to drive to see ObGyn. Weee!

Then worked the rest of the day. For some reason, towards the end of the day, started to feel a little nauseated. Came home.

Husband cooked bacon and sausages for me. And wished me a Happy Anniversary, LOL! Whereupon I was like, "Oh, yeah! That's what I forgot for this evening!", LOL! I have a card, but it's mushy, not funny. It says what I mean, but my husband doesn't like cards, and I really wanted to have something to give him. But what we want to give each other is a new HD TV. And eventually a playstation 3. And Grand Theft Auto 4, when they finally... FINALLY... get it released.

I have visions of breast feeding my newborn with one hand while rapidly thumbing the PS3 control with my other hand, LOL!

Did I mention my husband and I are overgrown kids at heart? :)

Anyway, we are planning on getting the HD TV at some point, and basically giving it to each other as our Anniversary present. :) We just haven't gotten around to finding the best place to get it from.

We were going to go to friends Wedding reception this Saturday. But it's in LA. And this week has been hell. We bowed out of it.

Friday, 9/14:

Husband thankfully opted NOT to torture himself and NOT drive to LA Friday.

I read email this Friday morning from home saying that a coworker's son died in a motorcycle accident. Her son was in his mid to late 20's. He was already having a rough time as he'd spent 2 years taking care of his grandfather and not working. And then, w/o job or health insurance, he'd been diagnosed with cancer. Various people throughout our company donated money to help him get the cancer treatment he needed. But now it doesn't matter: he's gone. I don't know if he was hit by a vehicle, or wiped out on his own, or what.

It just makes me sick at heart. This is the 2nd person who I've known personally, or known the parent of personally, to die by motorcycle. I hate what his mom and dad are currently going through. I find myself mad at God, and that's never a solution to anything. I don't know why God allowed this to happen. I know He wants us to have free will, and that that often means we have free will to do the wrong thing or make mistakes. And that free will is very important. And sometimes God has to let us do stupid or wrong stuff. But it still makes me mad at Him. It just seems like a wasteful death, and, well, I don't understand the reasons for it. I guess this is testing my faith. :P

I've been trying to sell my motorcycle. As a future Mom, it doesn't seem like a good idea to keep the deathtrap. Admittedly, it's not so much that it's a deathtrap. It's that sharing the road with cars is what makes it a deathtrap. Most car drivers seem to be oblivious to the presence of a motorcyclist. They simply DON'T SEE THEM. And a motorcycle just doesn't offer the same protection in an accident that a car does. It just can't. Yeah, you can wear a helmet, wear a protective body suit and boots and gloves. But it's still your body bouncing on the road when it comes down to it.

Ever since I learned how to ride a motorcycle, through a very good group called the Motorcycle Rider Education group, I've realized just how invisible motorcyclists, and bicyclists, are on the road. And suddenly I'm hyper aware of them, and very careful to give them the room they need.

And now, I almost feel like, instead of selling my motorcycle, I should just melt it down for scrap metal!!! I know, stupid... it's because my maternal feelings are more hyper from impending motherhood. I just don't want to find out later that someone died on my bike. :P

So I read about my co-workers dead son. And fed the dogs. Pricked my fingers. Ate breakfast. Pricked my fingers again. Sat down with the dogs for a moment on the floor. And suddenly realized I was exhausted. Pregger hormones kicking in big time. Crawled back into bed for just a few minutes. Woke up and realized it had been longer than a few minutes. :P

I think the pregger hormones, the long week, and the recent bad news about my co-workers dead son hit me really badly. Honestly, I feel like the dead son was the last straw for the f*cking week.

I eventually got to work late and dragged around. I couldn't lift my mood, and it was as if all my energy had been taken away from me.

When I drove home, I broke into tears. And I realize it's because this motorcycle accident makes me afraid of losing my own child!!! I only realized it then... that's when it hit home. I'm afraid of losing him during the pregnancy, or after he's born, or when he's a kid biking around and some idiot hits him with their car, or when he's an adult and something else bad happens. I'm afraid of losing him while I'm still alive.

Someone said that it's wrong to outlive your own children. I get it now.

And I realize I'm mad at God because He might choose to take my baby... either before it's born, or after it's born... anytime through my son's life.

Shit.

Anyway, I cried all the way home, and cried when I got home. Husband came home, and had to talk some sense into me. I mean, yeah, our son could die. But that's life. We can only do so much.

He talked me out of my pregger-hormone-induced crying fit. Well, he helped me talk it through, and do any further crying I needed to do to let go of the stress of this crappy week.

It's Friday. We're not doing ANYTHING this weekend that isn't absolutely necessary. We're just done. Put a fork in us.

This has been a long week. :P

Must be trying to keep us busy...

2007-09-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

So, the prior week was pretty hectic.

This current week has just been way worse, but let's start on the prior week first, LOL!

I mentioned I have Gestational Diabetes. I hadn't thought I would have to poke my fingers, just that I'd be on a weird diet. Well, I get the weird diet, and finger-pricking 4 times a day!

And with the Gestational Diabetes, I have had 3 extra doctor appointments added for this month. That and the ObGyn appointments are now once every 2 weeks. And the baby classes started on 9/5/2007 from 7pm to 9pm every Wednesday night.

As I said, maybe they're just trying to keep us pregger people really busy, LOL!

Tuesday, 9/4/07, after going over the initial diet I'd be on, the poor nurse got me all setup to use the device. She showed me what to do. Then it was time for me to poke myself, and I started to hyperventilate! She tried to calm me down. And she tried to get me to let her pinch me, because it hurts less than a pinch. I know all that, but come on! We're dealing with an unreasonable phobia here, LOL!

She told me to just push the needle springy thing against my finger w/o actually pressing the trigger. To think of it as a little kiss from my baby. I told her I did NOT want to associate needles with my sweet newborn! :)

I got ready to do it. I mentioned that I wished I had something to bite down on. She said, "Well, don't bite me!" I laughed. I hyperventilated some more. Then I finally did it. She didn't think I'd made a big enough hole, and was about to advise me to put the spring on a higher tension setting, when I squeezed my finger and said, "nope, we've got plenty of blood here!!!", LOL!

She told me that she'd feel sorry for me but she has patients who are 3 years old who have to poke themselves 4 times a day! I explained I'd had a bad experience when I was a kid, but I also felt total sympathy for those poor little kids! And I knew I was being silly, but it was hard to fight the phobia.

She was worried I wouldn't be able to do this on my own, might need some more counseling or something. I told her it would be ok, for my newborn, I could do it.

And sure enough, later that day, I successfully poked myself in the finger after dinner. And successfully did it again 5 times the next day, as at one point, I felt a little weird, and wondered if it was low blood sugar? [It seemed to be... eating definitely helped.] So actually voluntarily poked myself one extra time.

I have a bit of a problem with a mild form of self-injury. I chew on the inside of the lower left side of my lip. And if I find a bug bite or pimple, I scratch it off. Then, if I have a scab, I scratch that off, too. So it sometimes looks like it's taking forever to heal a bug bite or something on me. It's a really bad habit, but there it is. At least I don't bite my nails.

So am now wondering if I can focus my self-injury thing into the finger-pricking thing. "Wow, really feel like biting my lower lip or scratching a major scar into my arm. Oh, wait! It's time to check my blood sugar!!!" Well, we'll see. :)

Tuesday night (9/4/07) I was exhausted, but had to go grocery shopping after work. Needed to pick up the items on my new diet, plus we were low on stuff anyway. AND, needed to get some nice one-person micro-wave dinners for my husband, so he doesn't starve to death while I'm on my weird diet.

Woke up late Wednesday (9/5/07) morning. [Ok, ok, I always wake up late, and being preggers isn't improving that trend any.] I had an appointment with my shrink in the morning. I fed the dogs, tested my fasting blood sugar, then tried to whip together something very quickly for breakfast. Made myself coffee, made some oatmeal with flax-seed added in, plus unsalted nuts, plus half-and-half, plus cinnamon. Added cinnamon to the coffee as well. [This was all per my diet. The coffee was black except for a little half-and-half.]

Started the 1 hour timer from my first bite. But couldn't hurry eating the oatmeal... it was too hot! Scarfed my coffee, ate a couple more bites, and hit the shower. Jumped out of the shower, and ate maybe 5 more bites while getting ready. Let dogs out. Worried that I hadn't eaten enough... TOOK BOWL OF OATMEAL WITH ME IN THE CAR!

I was eating oatmeal at every stoplight, and whenever the traffic seemed reasonable. I ended up with spilled oatmeal on my pants, and on my passenger seat. Oops.

I sat down to wait for my shrink to see me. He was running late. Of course, he came out right when I needed to do my 1-hour-from-first-bite sugar-checking. I screwed up, didn't get enough blood out. My shrink came out, touching the bloody strip in order to pull it out and help me put in a new strip! I was totally grossed out, and told him that, but that I also didn't have any blood-borne diseases as far as I knew. But yuck, yuck, yuck!

His son has diabetes and has to do this every day. He's made a point of keeping his son's life as normal as possible, i.e., it's not looked at like it's this big thing. I really like my shrink. :)

Anyway, I ate too much oatmeal. I didn't check the portion correctly. I think my score was either 174 or 179... REALLY bad. I had the portions for the rest of the day dialed in much better. I think I got a 122 and a 121. Haven't seen numbers that high since my portion mistake. Well, except for hitting 131 after having some corn with a meal. Guess no corn for me. ;)

Wednesday (9/5/07) night I had my baby class at the downtown hospital. Husband showed up just after me, even though he had had a head start on me. And here's where the fun started.

First of all the video's showing how to cope with the pain cracked me up. The women were all doing this kindof disturbing low-level moaning. No screaming... nothing that feels more real. The low-tone moaning is supposed to make it easier to handle the pain. And the fathers!!! They were all very sincere, very sweet... and that was cool. But none of them were trying to crack any jokes, trying to make their wife laugh! It was very weird, but I realized after watching it that maybe these people were trying to keep their cool and not do anything like joking around due to thinking it would be inappropriate in the video.

Now, meanwhile, during the entire class, my husband is leaning over and teasing me almost non-stop. I'm fighting to laugh quietly each time he does this! At one point he said he was going to work hard to get a Trunk Monkey into the delivery room with us! I gave him a dirty look (with a grin) and punched him lightly in the arm.

Then, during the breathing exercises, he leans over and says "Slide". I had to sock him again!

"Slide" is from the movie "Fight Club". And that's really all I can tell you about that movie, because if you haven't seen it, I absolutely will NOT spoil it for you. Yes, it's that good. But it's pretty sick and twisted, and don't watch it with kids in the room.

Anyway, needless to say, I think I'd rather have my husband with me, cracking jokes, than him being super serious the entire time, LOL!

I forgot to add another nightmare to my list of nightmares in the last post: loss of teeth. Feeling them crumble around my tongue, as I move my tongue over them. *shudder*

And a NEW worst nightmare, which I had the prior week: My unborn son is really twins, conjoined at the head. My belly was extended way out. I was walking up some stairs, holding my belly with my hands. I dropped it, felt my belly hit one of the steps. Could see inside, like my belly was translucent, and realized I actually had twins, and the poor things had been dropped on their skulls. [Which again, they were sharing part of their skull.] But I realize they hadn't been hurt from the fall. Whew!

Then one of them, one who looks a little better formed, says, "Mommy, what are we going to do? We're attached at the head!"

I looked at them a little panicked, and responded, "It's ok, L, and baby I don't have a name for yet. We'll figure something out."

And then I woke up. Yeah, trippy.

Ok, the post for this CURRENT week is going to be a whopper, but I needed to get this one out, first! Sigh.

Worst Nightmare

2007-08-29T22:00:00.000-07:00

I have a bunch of different dreams that would be considered nightmares. Well, some aren't as bad as others.

There's a certain set of repeating themes.

(1) I have to pee, but all the toilets are either filthy, don't have stall doors for privacy, or are physically impossible to reach. I end up searching for that one, clean toilet in a HUGE bathroom full of filthy ones. Or I end up wishing I'd taken gymnastics, as I try to get my butt over some toilet that is bizarrely placed high up in some impossible alcove.

Sometimes these toilets are in a public restroom. Sometimes they are scattered in some house.

(2) I'm running late for work, but all the shower stalls don't have walls for privacy, or there's some other issue with them that makes it difficult to take a shower and get cleaned up prior to work.

Sometimes these showers are in a public shower, like a gym or a dormitory, and sometimes they are in different bathrooms in a house.

(3) I have an apartment separate from the home my husband and I share. For some reason I spend alot of time there. My husband comes to visit. I keep wondering why the heck I'm spending this extra money on this apartment when I have a perfectly good house. It just feels really weird and wrong.

(4) I am living with my parents, even though my husband and I have our own house. My husband comes to visit sometimes. I'm in my old bedroom from when I was a teenager. This one makes me truly shudder.

(5) The place I'm living has rodents and/or cockroaches. The wood is rotting away or eaten away by termites. Cleaning up the mess is nearly impossible. Trying to clean it up w/o wearing a HAZMAT suit is inadvisable.

(6) I forgot I was taking some classes at college. I don't even know the schedule in order to try to attend those classes, and catch up on homework. Not even sure where the final exam is or when.

(7) I have an argument with my Sister. Pretty simple, but that's a big one. I can wake up crying from that. Ditto if it's an argument with my husband, although that dream is much less frequent.

I usually have a strange combination of the above. Usually (1) plus (2) plus (4), with (6) tossed in for good measure. Then, with (2) and (6), there's the knowledge that not only will I have to stay late at work to make up the hours, but I will also have to take time out of the day to go to the classes, whose schedule I don't even have on me, and then work even later after I return from those classes.

Sometimes it's (3) plus (5), and the rodents or roaches could be at both home and the apartment.

I don't understand the whole apartment thing. I think it's more a remembering what it's like to live in my apartment alone, and then, in the dream, remembering I'm happily married and have a home... what the heck am I doing HERE???

I understand the whole living with my parents thing: it's like a failure, like I majorly screwed up if I'm back at home in my old bedroom. No offense to my parents, but that's exactly it.

I moved back home with my parents once in real life. It was ok, but it was a major ego-hit. I did it because I wasn't feeling confident at my job at the time, was in the middle of a difficult project at work, and felt like I should move home and try to pay off some credit card debt. I also was thus able to give my folks a little rent money, which helped them as well. But it was still just not right. I moved out after 6 months. My parents were really cool, both about me moving back home and moving out, but moving back home just wasn't the right thing for me to have done. There are less ego-destroying ways to save money!

If my husband isn't even in the dream at all, where I'm stuck with my family again, it's a REALLY bad dream. Because then, on some subconscious level, I know things are REALLY screwed up if my husband isn't in my life.

Ok, quick side-step into real life here:

I failed the 1 hour Gestational Diabetes test, getting a score of 164 when I needed to have below 140. My ObGyn thinks it was because I had some sugar a few days prior to the test. I've barely gained any weight while pregnant... it seems I'm replacing fat with this kid! I.E., the kid is getting bigger, and my overall weight is only slowly getting larger. So I'm losing fat and gaining baby. I consider this a good deal! Anyway, the fact that I'm not gaining weight like a mad fool makes my ObGyn think that I'm probably ok.

But, just to be sure, on Monday I had to take a second test, the 3 hour Gestational Diabetes test.

Now, the 3 hour Gestational Diabetes test involves the following:

(1) 3 days prior to the test, go on an Atkins-like diet. Avoid all processed/added sugars. But also do carb loading, where you eat 5 servings of GOOD carbs. Apples count, as does wheat bread. And cereal. Not sure I did a good job on the carb loading thing... I re-read that part of the instructions last minute while I was sitting for the test, and started worrying. :P

(2) Fast for 8 to 12 hours prior to the test. Other than swallowing phlegm, did a great job on that.

(3) Get first blood test.

(4) Drink sugary drink.

(5) Get 3 more blood tests, each an hour apart from the last.

(6) Pass out due to not having had food, giving blood 4 times, and having had a sugar spike and then an insulin spike on an empty stomach. While 6 months pregnant. And that baby inside you is HUNGRY, and making you HUNGRIER.

They can never find the veins on me. I figured out I have a vein underneath this pockmarked area of my right arm. I advised the first guy to drill there. He said he had to drill where he felt the vein, and went to the right of that first. No blood. He took my advice the 2nd time and voila: blood.

Everyone else thankfully either took my advice, or felt the vein in the pockmarked area. So, 5 pricks of the needle for 4 vials of blood. Whew! That's the most blood tests in the shortest span of time that I've ever had.

Unfortunately, just found out today that I do have Gestational Diabetes. But it's not so bad that I'll have to be pricking my fingers, or taking insulin. Just need to go on a special diet. Well, if that's the worst thing that happens with this pregnancy, my husband and I will be truly blessed.

So, I get to see a dietician. Weeee.

I started sniffling Monday morning, and it only got worse throughout the day. At first I thought I was allergic to something in the waiting room where I had blood drawn. But now I think I caught a relative's cold.

Trying to continue working Monday afternoon after that blood test and with the sniffles was just hell. I SO badly wanted to lay my head on the desk and just go to sleep.

I spent Tuesday sleeping all day, and also ended up staying home today, Wednesday. Just feeling wiped out. Mostly just a little stuffed up today, and drained. Bleah.

But oh, yeah. The reason I even posted about nightmares in the first place:

So I had a doozy of a nightmare Sunday night, the night before the lovely blood tests.

I was staying with my parents and my sister (and not my husband... automatic nightmare formula right there, due to being surrounded by family, whom I love, but where the heck is my husband??), in Nevada, in one of my co-workers' houses (and no, I don't know which of my co-workers has a house in Nevada), and it's the night before the Gestational Diabetes test.

FYI, I don't live in Nevada.

The dogs are with me.

I arrive late to my co-worker's house. My Sister and Dad are already asleep. Mom is still up, watching tv in bed. I can't find the dogs. I assume someone fed them, after they figured out I was going to be really late. I crash.

Friends of my co-worker wake me up by their talking loudly in the patio area. At 5am. I try to go back to sleep, but can't. I get up, and hunt down the dogs. They are locked up in some strange room, and are very glad to see me. I talk to my family as they wake up, and find out that they were not fed dinner last night!!!! I freak out. Then I figure out I forgot to pack any dog food for this trip, so no-one could have fed them in the first place!

My Sister drives me around town to pick up some dog food. We bring it back. I'm getting hungrier and hungrier, but I'm supposed to be fasting before this blood test. I realize I don't even know where I should go for this blood test in Nevada... will the form I'm carrying even be understood by the local clinics? [I had a situation back home where I went to the place I was used to getting blood drawn, and they couldn't take the form my ObGyn had given me! Not kidding. True story. I had changed ObGyn's, and found out from now on, I could only get blood drawn from such-and-such clinics.]

I'm freaking out. There's some donuts on the breakfast table. I'm soaking the dog food in preparation for feeding it to my poor hungry mutts, and I absentmindedly take a bite of a donut.

I then panic, spitting out the piece of donut into the sink, trying to wipe all the sugar frosting off my tongue, and worrying that I had swallowed some of it, and therefore would not be able to take the test today! But would instead have to redo the 3 day preparational diet prior to the test.

Augh!!!!!

It was at that point that I woke up in real life and started wimpering!!!

I'm honestly surprised that just having blood drawn is not a nightmare for me anymore. But I've had so many blood tests since getting pregnant, and had a bunch back in 1995 when I had mono, that I just can't get the anxiety levels up for it anymore. The childhood trauma I underwent when I was really little has, thank God, finally been overwritten by too many normal, if unpleasant, blood test experiences.

When I was a kid, between the ages of 0 and 5, those lovely formative years, I was in the hospital every year for one or two weeks while they checked to see how I was handling this genetic disease they thought I had. [I don't think I ever truly had it anymore... long story. I was a sick little kid, but I just don't think that was the reason anymore. Either that, or God healed me of it.] Often, they would draw blood in the middle of the night, holding me down to do it. My parents weren't there during the night, and didn't know it was happening, and couldn't comfort me before or after, therefore.

This trauma wasn't my parent's fault, and the hospital felt the blood tests were necessary, so it technically wasn't their fault, either. But it messed with me pretty badly at the time. Has that whole "torture" feel to it. And little kids don't always understand why things are being done to them. I just knew I was powerless to fight back, had no choice in the matter, didn't know why they were doing it to me, and I knew that it was going to hurt.

I think most things are more awful if they happen to you when you are a helpless child. When you're an adult, and you know you could kick the ass of the person currently drawing blood from you, it's just not as traumatic anymore! :)

Hmph. Maybe I'll make sure my son takes karate at a young age. If he knows he can kick the phlebotomist's ass, maybe he won't be as afraid of needles as I used to be. :)

That, and knowing what can happen to children at night alone in the hospital... well... I don't think I'll let my son be alone at night in a hospital until he's old enough to do some ass kicking.

He's probably not going to have similar experiences. He'll probably have a whole new set of traumatic experiences that I can't prepare him for, as I won't be expecting them. Sigh. Guess that's how life works for most of us.

Ok, and on that note, what are the formula's for your recurring nightmares?

Wow. This is a much darker post than I'd intended. Sorry, guys. Maybe I can blame Anne Rice? I just finished rereading Interview with the Vampire, LOL! :)

Simpsonize me

2007-08-07T23:00:00.001-07:00

Freaking Out

2007-08-05T21:30:00.000-07:00

I'm a little spooked about my and the baby's health right now. I normally have a bit of IBS: Irritable Bowel Syndrome. But being pregnant makes you, uhm, have alot of constipation. Ironically, when my IBS isn't kicking in, I normally kindof have to consciously push.

But now, with pregger constipation, I have to push more, or accept it not coming out in a more, uhm, timely manner.

Every time I push, am worried about accidentally starting contractions. :P So far, no problem, but I think I'd better, uhm, start eating prunes or something, LOL! Start thinking of myself as an elderly woman. :)

Fiber, anyone? ;)

I heard that the prenatal vitamins can also cause some constipation. All the extra iron.

You know it's bad when you find yourself ensuring you get some dairy on an empty stomach to have your slight dairy intolerance give you a little, uhm, boost, LOL!

A fellow pregger told me that I can't push the baby out that way. Your cervix is going to get in the way, LOL.

The other thing that's freaking me out is that my heart murmur seems to be a little more worse past few days. I hoped I was just hearing things last night. Like maybe the extra hard heart beat was my esophagus contracting. I sometimes get some acid reflux. Or plain old heart burn, especially now that I'm preggers.

This morning I took a stethoscope out, listened. Yep. It's my heart. It's like listening to someone jump rope, and then trip. They stumble for a few hard steps, then get back in gear. Same sorta sound.

I ironically have a heart ultrasound scheduled Monday at 8am, thanks to my ObGyn. Heart murmurs can need extra special care during the birth. Not sure if there are also pregnancy concerns.

A coworker told me, before I got preggers, that some friend of his died from a heart murmur. Of course, this morning, that's what I was thinking about, LOL!

I thought about how heart problems can be made worse from lack of sleep. I had tried to get up early so it would be easier to get up early Monday morning. I crawled back into bed and slept for another 2.5 hours, and when when my husband woke, I told him about it. Didn't want to freak him out that early, so had waited for him to wake. He and I had some really good cuddling. He also called the dogs onto the bed, and we had some good doggy cuddling, as well, LOL. :)

My friend Kenya, a fellow fanfic writer, called during a lull in a sci-fi/fantasy convention she's been attending since Friday. We had a good, funny chat, in which I also did some venting. That helped. Hopefully didn't stress her out.

I vented on another friend, a coworker. And I vented on a Pregnancy site.

I am SO female. Once I vented on my husband, two friends, and a Pregnancy site, I felt better, LOL! Problems aren't solved, but I felt better! I think I needed to, uhm, spread the stress around.

Same pregger person who told me I couldn't accidentally push the baby out, also told me that when you are preggers, you have about 50% extra blood. Your heart increases in size a little to try to tackle that. So, my heart skipping a beat is probably totally normal, considering.

Pregnancy is SO weird.

Anyway, that's been my life. Ah, pregnancy stress. :)

Super Slide

2007-08-02T20:30:00.000-07:00

Every time I turn over in bed, say going from sleeping on my left side to my right, I can feel the baby slowly slide to the other side!!!!

I can't decide if I'm creeped out by that, or just highly amused. :)

Where do I put the moat?

2007-08-01T20:50:00.000-07:00

I saw my ObGyn Thursday of last week. She reminded me that the specialist, who zeroed in on the "3rd leg", during my last ultrasound, had determined my due date was no longer November 29th, but November 21st. I'm ahead a week. I'd sorta spaced on it... like I heard it, but it didn't really click.

Tripped me out. Means I crossed 23 weeks last Wednesday... 24 as of today, Wednesday 8/1/2007. I'm well over halfway there.

Each month is approximately 4.5 weeks. 40 weeks == 8.88888 months. Hmph. If 40 weeks is supposed to be 9 months, maybe that should really be 4.44 weeks per month? Well, anyway...

So, 24 weeks == 5.33333 months. Yeah, over halfway there.

*SNIFF*

I'M NOT READY!!! LOL!!!

I quit reading "What to Expect when you're Expecting". My shrink said that was probably a good thing, considering I have OCD, and might focus on one item in the book and start worrying about it happening.

However, I also haven't read any books on how to care for babies.

Instead I've been re-reading my Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter collection, trying to re-familiarize myself with the series in preparation for reading the latest book, book 15 in the series.

And I've got about 3 other books waiting in the wings, including the latest Harry Potter, so no-one spoil it for me, LOL! :)

But I am going to sign up for some quicky classes on the whole birth process, taking care of babies, and also baby CPR. My husband will be going with me. And I've got friends and family who have kids, so I think everything's going to be ok.

But it's just a really, really weird experience, this whole pregnancy thing.

Sometimes I have a panic attack over the fact that there's SOMETHING ELSE ALIVE inside of me. Just feels a little creepy.

Other times I'm happy talking to our future son, saying things like, "How yah doing, kiddo?", or, "What do you think?", or, "Hey! Quit kicking me in the bladder!"

My husband was on travel Sunday night thru Thursday night last week. I guess the "motherhood" protective instinct kicked in, because every night, I made sure the doors and the sliding glass door were locked. And kept a loaded revolver near the bed, with 6 extra bullets nearby in case I needed to reload. And brought the machete that normally sits next to the sliding glass door (I got it after going nuts trying to cut up huge bushy weeds next to the side of the house, prior to having the house tented for termites), and placed it next to my side of the bed.

Because, you know, all that training in machete-fighting would come in handy if someone broke in, LOL. :) And no, I have no clue how to fight with a knife, much less a machete. I took some Tae-Kwon-Do, but never got past white-belt. But I DO know how to shoot. Well, at least with the machete in the bedroom with me, a perp couldn't find it in the living room to try to use on me.

I also had a flashlight near the bed, and a lighter, so I could light a candle. And my cell phone and a portable phone nearby, even though the landline phone is at the head of the bed.

And did I mention the 170 pounds of fur, fang and claw that sleep with me at night? That would be one 70 pound female German Shepherd and one 100 pound male German Shepherd. And they are in their prime... if they wanted to take someone down, they could do it.

And they are 100% on my side. ;)

Yeah, I am probably as safe as a person can be, with all those things nearby!

When my husband came home, he teased me when he was kissing me goodbye one morning and said, "Love your machete". :)

Anyway, the OCD+pregnancy of late has been making me a little extra protective of myself, i.e., me and the fetus. And it showed by the amount of hardware/tools I insisted on taking with me into the bedroom each night, LOL!

Heh. Funny. I didn't even think about taking the fire extinguisher into the bedroom too! Man, how did I forget about THAT????

Is it wrong?

2007-07-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to hold onto my stomach, walk around in circles and figure eights, and tilt my stomach on the curves while shouting, "Roller Coaster!!!" :)

And then make the ride a little bumpier for the fetus, by walking a little jerkily, and shouting, "Wooden Roller Coaster!!!!"

Pregger thoughts

2007-07-21T18:51:00.000-07:00

I was feeling around my stomach, touching the strangely hardened uterine wall through my skin and belly fat.

I'm not used to having a hard, basket-ball like structure inside of me, LOL!

As I pushed in, I suddenly pulled my hand away. Oh, sh*t, I thought. What if I just poked my baby boy in the eye?!?!?!?

Still shot of the "3rd leg". :)

2007-07-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

My husband took a still from the video that PROVES our baby is going to be a boy. :)

Still of our boy

The text was typed in by the doctor... including the little arrow, LOL!

2nd Sonogram, recorded!

2007-07-15T13:20:00.000-07:00

When I went to the specialist for my 2nd sonogram on Thursday (to check the health of the baby, and hopefully remove the need for an amnio), I gave the specialist a DVD to record the sonogram on.

My husband you-tube'd the video:

You Tube of Sonogram

Happy viewing. :)

Drumroll Please...

2007-07-14T01:00:00.000-07:00

Got the 2nd specialized sonogram. I.E., the 2nd one from the doctor with the really expensive equipment, vs. the ones from the ObGyn with the less expensive sonogram equipment.

I hit 20 weeks on Wednesday. On Thursday, the doctor looked around, measuring the skull and internal organs and an arm and a leg. He checked to ensure the chest (rib cage, etc.) looked good. He made sure I really wanted to know the sex... I assured him I did! That we did. That pretty much everyone in our family and all our friends did, LOL! Well, I didn't mention that, but basically it's true. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me "so, do you know the sex yet?", I'd be able to buy alot of McDonald's Happy Meals. :)

The doctor fiddled with the wand thingy across my belly, and adjusted the image. And announced, "we've found a third leg!"

I was laughing. I said something like, "Hi there, little one! You're no longer an 'It', you're a 'He'!" :)

He burned the whole session onto a DVD, and also printed out 4 images. On the last image, the, ahem, evidence, was made quite clear. :)

My Mom had 2 daughters from her first marriage. The first didn't survive past 3 days because the doctor who delivered her was unfortunately drunk at the time, and missed that some fecal matter had been aspirated. :( The second... the second is my FULL Sister, no matter that we don't share the same father. Anyone who wants to disagree with me on that is going to get his or her ass kicked. By me, my Mom, my Dad, and my Sister, LOL! My Dad adopted my Sister when my Mom and Dad got married, so it's legal even if he's not my Sister's biological Dad. He's definitely my Sister's spiritual Dad. I swear, they are so alike it's trippy.

Anyway...

My Dad had one daughter from his first marriage.

And I'm the only daughter from Mom and Dad's marriage together.

I was kindof expecting to have girls because of the trend! I knew I would be happy with either. :) People have asked us if we want a boy or a girl, and we have either said "Yes", or "one of them would be nice", LOL!

I also knew, if we had a girl, she was probably going to be influenced to be a major tomboy, LOL! Well, anyway, if I had any say in it. :)

Let's face it: growing up, I did indeed have a few dolls. And barbies. But it was mostly about the lego's and the lincoln logs. And the building blocks, and Fisher-Price little people having adventures. I wasn't big into those pretend tea parties. :P Ick. And I watched Spiderman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Bionic Man, the Incredible Hulk, Superman, etc. Thundaar the Barbarian, Land of the Lost. I was heavy into Star Trek and Star Wars. I watched all the old Japanese Godzilla movies, no matter how badly they were dubbed. And I often watched all the scary Saturday morning/afternoon movies. I guess I was the kind of girl that guys could hang out with and talk cool sci-fi stuff with.

Shoot, I LOVE the Alien and Aliens movies. Alien 3... not so much -- too depressing, and the audio track made it really hard to tell what people were saying. Alien 4 was amusing, if really way too gross at the end. Alien 5: Alien vs. Predator, was fun eye candy, but that's about it.

And yes, I also watch "chick flicks". Shoot, I own "When Harry met Sally", "The Devil Wears Prada", and various other chick flicks. It's just I also own the Star Wars movies, Raiders, Alien, and other sci-fi/adventure movies, LOL!

But don't ask me anything about cars. I understand how the combustion engine works, but you would never want to ask me to fix your vehicle!!! My tomboy-ism kindof fizzles when it comes to mechanical stuff.

However, I don't have issues pumping my own gas, topping off the oil, windshield wiper fluid, or coolant. Shoot, I pulled the battery out of my motorcycle and took it to the shop to get it recharged. [Still trying to sell that thing... I don't want to ride it while preggers, and somehow I can't see strapping a car seat on the back of it!]

And I've changed my windshield wipers. I took a class that taught how to change your car's oil, and how to rotate your tires. But crawling under my car to get the oil filter wasn't on my list of things I like to do, so although I could probably still do it, I prefer if Jiffy Lube does it. I know, I know: I'm a wimp. But although I'm petite, the idea of having a large vehicle standing over me while I'm lying flat on my back trying not to bump my head... it just doesn't appeal to me.

I know how to shoot, and I know how to fish, and how to clean what I catch. And I recently got to bait hooks with live sardines when fishing in the ocean... THAT was fun! Those things are slippery, and it's very funny to see a bunch of people, myself included, bent over chasing their bait around the boat. :)

I can scuba dive, I used to ride my poor neglected motorcycle, I used to surf, I used to ride my bike, I used to rollerblade...

My Dad took me kayak-camping, where you offload the boat and your gear on one side of the lake, pack the gear in the kayak, and paddle to the other side and pitch a tent. He also took me lake kayaking and ocean kayaking when we didn't have time to also go camping. And he taught me how to clean a fish and how to shoot.

I confess alot of my skills were learned later in life: surfing, scuba, and motorcycles came after I was 30. My husband has been a really good influence on me. :)

Heh. I've grown into a couch potato. My husband and I get home from work, and we're wiped out. We get onto the couch, get onto our laptops, and pet the dogs as they come by to get attention. We sometimes horse around with them, playing snarly-bite. :) Getting them all worked up and "snarky". :) Dogs are just awesome.

Since I've gotten pregnant, the couch-potato disease has gotten worse. We haven't walked the dogs much. I seem to have just enough energy to go to work, do some house chores, and eat and sleep. I don't even want to get into how being preggers has affected my intelligence! Let's just say I'm losing IQ points every week, and will be glad when I'm off an important project at work, so my increasing stupidity will have a lower risk of causing major problems, LOL!

Here's hoping that a little boy will get me active again, LOL! And that my intelligence returns once I'm no longer having the kid steal my oxygen from me!

Makes me think that, as the pregnancy progresses, I should break out the scuba gear and occasionally take hits from my scuba tank. I think it's still filled with Nitrox, which is basically air where they up the oxygen and reduce the nitrogen.

I can't wait until our son first learns to ride a bike, to roller-blade or roller-skate. How to surf. When he's 10 or 11, he can take scuba classes. Not sure how old (or tall?) he has to be to ride a roller-coaster! Can't wait for that, either. :)

Can't wait to play with him on the floor with legos, and lincoln logs. And army men. And toy guns, toy knives, and toy swords. And for him to dress up for Halloween. Maybe he'll decide he wants to wear my Vader mask, LOL! I already have a cool red light saber he can borrow if he's careful with it. Else he can play with the cheaper one I own. :)

Can't wait for him to meet the dogs, and the dogs to meet him. :) Boys and dogs go together. Well, so do girls and dogs, in my opinion. :)

And for all our friends to meet him. :)

And of course for my husband and I to meet him. :)

*Sigh.*

And whatever the hell I do, I will NOT make him a fracking momma's boy. Not if I can help it. He will do what I say growing up out of respect, but he WILL have a backbone and will be able to tell me "No" when he's an adult, and "No" when it's appropriate as he's growing into an adult. I will not make him into a pussy-whipped boy. [Heh, that will be his wife's job! :) ]

And he will also respect his Father, as well as his God. I will, God willing, give him what he needs to have a good relationship with me and his Father, with his God, and with the woman he may one day marry. And with his own kids, when he has them. I will do my best to give him "roots and wings". As I know my husband will, too.

Whoa. Apparently I have a very definite opinion of the type of Mom I want to be for him!!! :)

Hmph. I guess I have very definite opinions of what kind of Mom I would have been for a girl. I know I would have told her that she can do anything a boy can do, as long as she's physically capable of the job. That her "weaker sex" only has to limit her as much as she allows it... but that yeah, she's probably not going to become a professional football player! But that's ok... boys have limits too. Viva la differance. :)

That woman have a natural ability to be empathic... that it can be naturally stronger than a man's ability. But just like a woman can pump iron and make herself physically stronger, a man can also work on being a more empathic person.

That men and women often do think differently, but that the two different approaches to life, and to life's problems, can often dovetail such that a man and a woman together can solve more things than a man or a woman alone. That the differences can mean that they are stronger together.

I'd tell her that she can be an Engineer if she wants to be, or a police-woman, or whatever she puts her mind to. But I also wouldn't force her to go after a job that's traditionally a man's job unless she actually wants to do it. I.E., I'd tell her she can do anything, but not try to force her into making a statement by taking an untraditional job when she doesn't want to do that in the first place. If her goal in life is to be a stay-at-home Mom, I would support that too, is what I'm trying to say. If her goal is to be a construction worker, after my initial fear of her falling from a great height while working, I'd take her out to go shopping for a construction hat and boots!!! :)

And yeah, if our son wants to be a male nurse, or a male steward on a plane, I would support that as well. Huh... although I confess I might be a little weirded out by it. Hmph... got to work on my attitude. If women can break stereotypes, men can too.

Guess I'm used to the idea of women breaking the stereotypes, but not men. Wow... I found my double-standard, LOL!!!

If our son chooses or feels driven to be gay, I will still love him. I hope that isn't a road he goes down, though: it's a very difficult road for a man or a woman to take, maybe more so for a man.

Anyway... :)

I have a DVD and I have some pictures from Thursday's doctor's visit, but need to scan the pics in, and need to get the DVD into a format that can be uploaded to youtube. :) Links to follow.

Sorry for he really long diatribe. Can I blame my rambling on being pregnant? :)

Dogs are weird...

2007-07-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

So, why do our dogs both come running into the bedroom, and go lie down in their crates when my husband and I are in there making love?

Is it a pack thing?

Are they happy to see their Alpha male and Alpha female mating, therefore increasing the solidarity of the pack?

Does that mean that they feel even more secure knowing I'm pregnant, i.e., about to have "puppies", and therefore continue the existence of "the pack"?

Can they sense that I'm pregnant?

Hmmmm...

And why do they both go into their crates when one of us goes into the bathroom to take a shower? I admit it's kind of comforting to know they are out there in the bedroom, waiting for me or my husband. Like they are keeping some sort of vigil while we bathe. Perhaps they doubt our sanity, as we are doing an activity so unnatural to them, and so they want to keep watch, make sure they can "rescue" us from the evil shower if something bad happens.

Sort of explains why our male German Shepherd will stick his nose between the shower wall and the shower curtain, as if to say, "Are you REALLY sure you want to be in here doing this? I mean, when you force me to get in here for a bath, you KNOW it's like torture. So, why are you torturing yourself?? Are you feeling well?"

Why do they visit us when we're sitting on the pot in the bathroom? Do they find it disturbing that we pee and poo inside the house, and therefore need to check on us? Is it mostly that they are eager to sniff our butts while we're doing our thing, since they do that to each other when each other is peeing? It would explain why they do sometimes try to sniff our butts while we are sitting there. They do seem a little frustrated that the part of our butt they really want to get to is kept safe by the toilet seat...

Why do they insist on sniffing every corner of the back yard at night, when I'm just trying to get them to pee and poo so we can all go to bed? And then act like they aren't really interested in peeing or pooing, and wander back inside. And then, when we're all settled in the bedroom for the night, stare at us and then at the bedroom door, like they really still need to pee and poo?

And what's with the floor show every night at around 9pm? Like clockwork, they start running back and forth through the house, one chasing the other. When they change direction, they change which dog is chasing which.

People say that watching fish in a fish tank can be very soothing. But they are missing the sheer silliness of 2 huge German Shepherds running back and forth, the entire length of the house, about 10 times until they wear themselves out, stop in the living room, panting, looking at us, as if to say "why aren't you joining us?" We just sit there on the couch, looking at each other and giggling.

Why does our male dog eat poo? And then come into the living room, sit in front of us and pant in our face? Is he trying to share the incredible flavor he experiences?

We feed them both enough dog food. We've tried feeding our male German Shepherd extra dog food, thinking maybe he was extra hungry and was thus eating dog poo to try to increase his diet. We often give them some cooked meat we have leftover from dinner. And in spite of this, our male German Shepherd still has to eat poo! What is it that makes poo taste so good to him???

Why are our dogs so weird?

Ironic

2007-07-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

My husband and I have decided to go chill out in the patio of a local ritzy hotel. We're kicking back, sitting in front of the fire, both of us typing/surfing away on our laptops.

Three people walk by, and one of them starts going off on us!

She can't believe we are sitting here, outside, enjoying the night air and a fire and a few drinks (mine non-alcoholic, of course), and we are sitting across from each other on our individual laptops! She starts giving us a speech on how we should be sitting next to each other, laptops closed, enjoying the time outside with each other.

I said that this is what we do in our living room, with our German Shepherds hanging out with us.

She said, "Exactly! This is NOT your living room! Oh, no wonder so many young people get divorced these days!"

My husband pipes up with "Damned kids and their rock music."

She doesn't quite get the implied joke and says that it's not the music that's the issue. I start giggling and say, "No, it was a joke."

She walks away disgusted, saying something about how we're missing our chance, how we should be stopping to smell the roses.

When she's mostly out of earshot we start giggling and blogging about the incident. ;)

Humor to beat the heat

2007-07-05T21:23:00.000-07:00

As you sit there, sweat dripping, hoping and praying for a cool breeze during the heat wave, take a moment to enjoy a laugh:

The Five Levels of Drinking, an oldy, but a goody.

User Friendly, one of my favorite online comics.

Stress I forgot, and more recent Stress.

2007-07-01T13:02:00.001-07:00

Forgot a couple of things with my last post, plus a few new things happened.

So, a few weeks ago, it felt like my bright red car must be fracking invisible or something.

I had an elderly couple in the clinic's parking lot try to back up into my car. I honked, and got out of the way.

In the grocery store parking lot, someone else tried to back up into me. Another honk and move out of the way scenario. WTF? Is it open season on pregnant women and their cars or something?

Then, the big one. Some dude driving a truck with wooden slats up the sides of the cargo area did a left onto the street I drive on, when going to and from work. He didn't see me, and was basically going to attempt something I knew from my Physics classes would be impossible: to occupy the same location of space as I was!

I pulled to the right, trying to find a space between the parked cars, honking madly, and hoped no bicycles were on my right at that exact moment.

The guy pulled over to the left, double-parking, pointed the wrong way, and stayed put. Thankfully, no one was coming from either direction. It was then I realized he was shook up. And I immediately felt better about the situation, 'cause he obviously wasn't trying to be a dick: he was upset that he'd almost hit me, probably more shook up that I was at that moment.

I pulled alongside him. He looked apologetic and upset. I smiled and mouthed that it was ok. I drove to the stoplight, into the left-turn lane. He drove up into the right turn lane. We repeated the exchange, and then I mimed my reaction when he had spooked me. Then grinned. He and I both laughed, he turned right, I turned left.

It sounds really stupid, but that 3rd near-miss made me feel really good. It was like a confirmation of the general goodness of most of mankind, you know? This guy CARED about what almost happened, cared that he almost hurt me. It made me CARE about his feelings, made me want him to know that I knew he didn't mean it. That I was ok, that I had no hard feelings over what was obviously a mistake. No harm, no foul.

Really stupid, but I was glad it happened. No-one was hurt, and it felt really good to have such a positive interaction with a complete stranger.

Ok, so that was the good stressor, LOL. ;)

The other thing that happened was yet another stressor at work. I can't elaborate, so I'll just say that I felt caught between two people and something person A did that person B wouldn't have liked. I ended up letting it go. :P I felt like I should have called person B, but person A did email person B about what he was going to do. It's just that person B wasn't at work that day. But I mostly learned about what was going on after person A had already done it.

I was caught between feeling bad person B hadn't been truly forewarned ahead of time, that he was going to read about it when he got back to work the next day. And also caught between feeling that, if I did call him, I'd be ratting out person A. It's not my job to police my co-workers, you know? And person B sometimes shoots the messenger... not intentionally, but I didn't really feel emotionally up to hearing him vent all over me because of what person A was doing. Of course, I then worried about if person B found out I knew and didn't call him... ick. I guess I was doomed to being stressed out either way.

I need to quit letting myself get so worked up over things at work. It's not healthy for me right now. Well, it's never healthy, but now I have a baby to think about.

The final thing that happened recently was something I really need to keep from getting caught up in.

My Mom and my Sister are REALLY good about worrying about each other. If my Sister doesn't answer the phone at night, my Mom worries that she's outside, in the snow, stuck under something heavy, and slowing freezing to death. My Sister has horses and dogs, and feeds the horses in the evenings. Dogs too, but they are inside at night.

Well, if my Sister doesn't hear from our parents over the phone for a while, she worries that something bad happened to them.

And that's what happened. My Sister talked to my Mom on a Thursday. Mom said that Dad hadn't gotten up at his normal time in the morning... he'd slept in unusually late. His schedule at work has been a little weird. I think my Mom was talking to my Sister Thursday night when she said that. Then she said that she was going to go check on Dad, and hung up. My Sister tried to call her back Thursday night I think, but Mom didn't answer.

Friday morning, my Sister tried calling Mom again. No answer. So, around noon, my Sister calls me.

My Sister lives out of state. I live in the same city as our parents.

She tells me what she knows. Asks me to check on our parents. And tells me not to drive too fast!

Our Dad is in his 80's, Mom in her late 70's. Yeah, I know: my Dad is in his 80's, and he's still working?? Well, they need the money. :P

I get off the phone. I'm now thinking that maybe Dad died in his sleep Thursday night, and Mom had a heart attack when she found him. After all, Mom has congestive heart failure. She's got a pacemaker to keep her heart beating enough, and meds to keep her heart from beating too much. Dad's in really good shape for an 80+ year old, but still...

Or, one or both of them needed to go to the hospital, and they haven't called me, because they are afraid I will have a miscarriage from the shock.

Yes, I went along for the worry-trip. Like an idiot.

I had taken a shower. I was on my way, really late, into work. I stopped to brush my teeth, and grab a few things I might need with me in case I wasn't going to be coming home for a while. I figured I could spare 10 extra minutes: if one or both had died last night, my getting there 10 minutes early wasn't exactly going to give me a chance to perform CPR. :P And if this was a false alarm, well, I'd have clean teeth for work, LOL!

Do I sound like I was pretty calm about it? Well, I was upset, but not as upset as I might have been 10 years ago. When your parents are up there in age, you begin to accept that eventually, you're going to get THAT phone call. You don't like it, but you can't keep worrying about it all the time. It's better to live and enjoy the present then dread the future, you know?

I rubbed my stomach and told the baby that he/she might not get to meet her grandparents on her mother's side. Sigh.

I put the doggies and their water outside, gave them both loving pets, and drove in the direction of my parents and work. Both are in the same direction.

Now that I was on the road, I called my Mom on my cell. Mom answered!

"You ok?"

"Yeah..."

"Is Dad ok?"

"Yeah..."

"Uhm, you might want to call Sister..."

I don't know if my Sister tried to call Mom and Dad back Thursday night or not. I do know that Mom and Dad had a little argument, and that Mom slept even poorer than normal because of it. [She has insomnia.] So Friday morning Mom didn't hear the phone ringing in the family room. And the portable phone, which was near her bed, isn't doing so well. And Dad, if he's on a normal work schedule, leaves really early, and so never heard any phones.

So Mom slept through my Sister's attempts to wake her. But my Sister also called my Dad's cell phone. No answer. I figure that Dad must have left his cell in the car again!

Anyway, for the 2nd or 3rd time, I went on my Sister's worry-trip. Bleah. I keep doing this, and doing this... going on my Sister's worry-trips, or my Mom's worry-trips. The only trips I haven't gone on have been my Dad's worry-trips. He rarely has them, but he did have a doozy about 2 or 3 years ago. I didn't go on that one, thankfully.

I drove to work, sat down to write code, and tried to relax and lower my blood pressure. I had an ObGyn appointment later that day... I was afraid what my blood pressure was going to look like when I got there. :P

My husband's theory of life leans more to the "no news is good news" idea. I.E., if he hasn't heard from his folks in a while, he doesn't necessarily assume the worst.

I'm trying to lean towards his way of thinking. So that, next time this happens, I just assume that my Mom didn't hear the phone. Or that the cell phones aren't charged. Or that they are too busy to answer the phone. Ditto for my Sister, if she hasn't called back in the last 12 hours. I figure the limit is 24 hours, then you can get concerned.

Admittedly, my Sister never said the words that they could be dead or in the hospital. The worry was apparent in her voice, but she didn't necessarily assume the worst. Then again, asking me to drive over there does kindof assume the worst. I.E., other people might have waited until Friday evening before they worried because someone wasn't answering the phone or calling them back. Maybe.

I don't know.

Just tired of it.

Things I've learned since getting pregnant

2007-06-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

1. No matter how big and fat my ego is, I will be wiped out by being pregnant. Even in the early months, before I balloon up.

2. My feet may increase in size by 0.5 to 1 shoe sizes. And after pregnancy, stay that new size.

3. The skin around my nipples will darken. Alot. Making my boobies look like bullseyes. Probably so the baby knows where to go when it's born. It will happen WHILE PREGNANT, in the first few months, way before the baby needs to find the boobies!

4. People who have never had children will have ALL KINDS OF ADVICE to give me, from all kinds of sources.

5. I will not surprisingly resent any advice given me from those who have never even had kids in the first place.

6. I will listen ATTENTIVELY to any advice from those who HAVE been pregnant, or are married to someone who was pregnant.

7. I will often be somewhat in denial about being pregnant. 'Cause it's somewhat easier to deal with thinking I'm just getting really fat, rather than thinking about the impending increase in responsibility!

8. Hearing my best friends tell me to "Enjoy my pregnancy" will leave me laughing hysterically. ;)

The good, the bad, and the stressful

2007-06-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

On June 10th, I turned 39.

Whoa. Thirty-nine. That's 3 * 13.

Heh. That explains the past few weeks. :) No wonder so much weird crap has gone down.

Normally though, 13 is a lucky number for me. I got married on September 13. My parents live at 169... that's 13 squared. Shoot, 12 apostles + Jesus = 13. Or when you consider one of them had to be replaced, that's a total of 13 apostles, but the replacement was necessary as part of the plan of having Jesus die for our sins.

There were 12 tribes of Israel, but one was split in two tribes, to make the total 13, and one of the 13 was separated, the Levites, to administer to God. So, 12 tribes of Israel, but really kinda 13, you know?

So 13 has always been kinda cool in my book.

So, weird crap has gone down recently. But so has good crap.

Anyway, here we go:

Friday, May 18:
Got a high-power ultrasound of the baby. It no longer looks like an alien. Whoo-hoo! No clue on the sex yet. But what was really funny was the kid is definitely a morning person. The ultrasound occurred at 10am, and the baby kept squirming around like, "Get that THING out of my face! I'm trying to SLEEP here!"

Nice to know it's taking after Mom and Dad, LOL. :)

The ultrasound, and the first of 2 special blood tests, show so far that the odds of Down's Syndrome are really low. Thank God!

I'll post the newer pictures up on my flickr account, and then setup my blog to include my flickr pictures. :) My husband showed me that he'd done that on his blog. Very cool feature I didn't know about yet.

At around 12:30pm that same day, we took off for a 9+ hour drive to Arizona, to visit my husband's sister and her family. Part of the drive went through Los Angeles. It took about an hour to go 20 or 30 miles at one point, and we thought we were going to lose it. It was not one of the prettier parts of Los Angeles.

We stopped at Indio for a late lunch/early dinner. That was trippy. When I was between maybe 5 and 7, my parents and I lived there for about 1 or 2 years. I thought I recognized one of the schools, but couldn't be sure. Couldn't tell which apartment complex had been ours. It was weird, comparing childhood memories with the reality of the place. I remember it being kindof a fun place. But driving through there, it felt like one of those places that you'd try to escape from as soon as possible. [My apologies to those who think otherwise.]

We made it to our relatives after 9pm, got fed some leftover pizza, and crashed.

Saturday, May 19:
We went to a charity dog event Saturday morning. While there I was bitten by a cantakerous old beagle!!!

Yes, Snoopy was bitten by a beagle!

I was petting the beagle, and turned to talk to it's owner, when it turned and snapped at my hand. I'm not sure what Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer, would say about that. It didn't break the skin, and it had had all it's shots, so I told the owner not to worry about it. But in spite of the fact that we own 2 huge German Shepherds, I was a little flustered. I made a point of petting more dogs, and especially of petting these 2 HUGE Bull Mastiffs. The owner brought one out of it's crate and asked me to hold it while she went to wet down a towel for it -- it was hotter than hell in Arizona, and it was only May! Her poor dogs were baking, even in the shade of her tent. The female Mastiff, "Bling", wanted to go follow her master. I was able to keep her in place, but it was hysterical! She was maybe 120 pounds? And all muscle. But she was a gentle giant, and I fell in instant love with her.

I ended up sitting on the grass or on my knees petting Bling, while her owner tied a wet towel to her. At one point Bling majorly LEANED into me, and my black jeans were soaked. :) I fed Bling popcorn from my hands... she was so gentle. But our relatives were a little nervous about directly feeding her. They threw her a popcorn piece on occasion. Most of our relatives pet Bling and other dogs... the kids especially. But I don't think they are big dog people, LOL!

I wanted to take Bling home with us. :)

That afternoon, I swam in their pool with their 2 kids. Chased the kids around a bit, and figured out 3 things: I'm old, I'm out of shape, and I'm pregnant. Quit trying to chase them around and kindof lazed around in the pool.

I think I wore myself out. Saturday night we went to one of the local Indian casino's to see some singer impersonators. I felt sick, and realized I was hungry, even though I hadn't felt hungry. My husband was really sweet and chased down some crackers for me. We sat for a while listening to some Elvis impersonator, but my husband's not really into this sortof thing. So we gave up, ate dinner there, and did a little gambling. My husband and his sister's husband went off to play cards. My Sister-in-law and I tried some Star Wars themed slot machines. They were fun, but ate our money. As did most of the other slots. We went off to find the card tables and watch our respective husbands. My brother-in-law was done losing money, so I sat in his place, and "borrowed" chips from my husband. We were playing black jack. My husband is really good at it, but I still managed to lose some more money.

My tolerance for losing money is about $20.00 to $40.00 bucks. When I'd go visit my Sister in Reno, even when I was of gambling age, I'd go play video games, and my Dad would watch me. Mom and Sister would go play slot machines. I figured, I was going to lose money anyway, I might as well as be well entertained. And go play Star Wars, or Centipede, or PacMan, or Asteroids. Or Arkanoid, or Galaga, etc. Something less mind-numbing and much more entertaining that slot machines.

In some things I have an addictive personality. But not in things that don't consistently pay out. My Vampire novels consistently provide awesome entertainment. Slot machines tease you and mostly take your money. Alcohol gives you a buzz but kills brain cells and makes you feel like crap the next day if you overdo it. So basically, I rarely gamble, although I found black jack to be alot of fun. I sometimes drink alcohol, but not while preggers. And I'll read Vampire novels by good authors until the cows come home. :)

Sunday, May 20th:
I got up. I had some coffee, and some breakfast. And then I went back to bed and slept until 1 or 2pm!

This whole pregnancy thing has me wiped out most of the time. Apparently, I overdid the excitement and activity levels on Saturday!

I pretty much just spent most of Sunday either resting or hanging out. No swimming, no doing much of anything until Sunday evening. And then, we did something really cool. We went to the Tempe Improv and saw Christopher Titus perform his latest comedy act. He's gone through a divorce, and his dad recently died. Only this guy can make misfortune SO funny! Still, I felt bad for what he'd been through so recently. But I was glad he could use it for his comedy routine.

Monday, May 21st:
We drove home. My husband has a new car. I volunteered to drive the last 3 or 4 hours of the trip. It was a little stressful until we hit 101, which I've lived off of for most of my life, it seems. So getting back onto 101 was a little like coming home.

Driving my husband's new car isn't quite second nature to me yet. It has alot more power than my 1996 Saturn. But I zip around in the Saturn like it's an extension of my body. Not so with my husband's more powerful, cooler car! So I guess the 3 or 4 hours of driving, after the 4 or 5 hours of riding, took it out of me. We got home, and I had what an eye doctor later told me was an ocular migraine. I.E., you have weird light disturbance in your eye, but you don't have the actual pain.

I did have a headache, but I wouldn't call it a migraine. I've had bad headaches before, but I've got friends who have had migraines before, and I just can't think that I've ever had a headache as bad as what they've experienced... even my worst headaches that were almost migraine-like. I had one as a kid where I just went to bed in a darkened room with no sound, trying not to barf. That might have been a true migraine...

Come to think of it, I think I'd had something weird with my eyes that time, too. I can't remember what the symptoms were, but...

Anyway, not counting when I was a child, I've therefore had 2 ocular migraines. The first one was about 9 to 12 months ago, and then there was this one. Since this was the second time, I wasn't quite as flustered about it. The first one went away after about 20 minutes. This one did too: I even watched a movie on my laptop.

The disturbance was like this weird, zig-zag, colorful pattern in the upper right hand peripheral vision part of my right eye. It was pretty trippy. It extended a little into my non-peripheral vision, making reading a little strange.

Tuesday, May 22nd:
I stayed home sick. My head still hurt, and I was wiped out. Heh: I needed a vacation from my vacation! I think riding/driving for 9 hours was a bit much for me.

While we were in Arizona, my husband's Dad took care of the dogs for us. He LOVES our dogs, and our dogs ADORE him. :) Ellie will kiss his face for minutes at a time, sometimes gently trying to groom his stubbly chin for him. Boss will lay on the floor next to him for hours. The dogs were happy to see us Monday night, but I think they missed my husband's Dad. :) I think they were happy to have me stay home with them Tuesday, although I wasn't very entertaining, LOL.

Wednesday May 23rd:
I met with my new ObGyn. My old ObGyn was awesome, but not on my health plan. Ghrrrr. Paying for a delivery out of pocket is not a financially wise move. My new ObGyn was awesome, as well, so I was down with that.

The place has a bunch of different doctor's who rotate being on call for baby deliveries. I got all their names down, and called my insurance. My new ObGyn is on my health plan. Not all the on-call doctors are! I need to call my insurance again: I now have FULL first and last names (before I just had last names), and I have the names of one or two more doctors that weren't on the sheet of paper they gave me. But I'm wondering: if they are all contracted to be on call with my ObGyn, does that mean I'm ok if one of them who isn't on my plan delivers the baby? Or do I need to, 'er, hold the baby in until the right doctor is on call???

STRESS. :P Changing doctors, and still in a mess. Ghrrrrr. I hate insurance.

Wednesday, May 30th:
Work was majorly stressful. I'd like to explain what happened, but I'm not sure I can do that w/o someone else recognizing where I work, and my getting in trouble for talking about work stuff. So let's just say I made some mistakes, but didn't see the consequences yet.

Thursday, May 31st:
Major consequences to the mistakes. Learned some good lessons from this. Was glad the lab was in a kind of dry spell, else the mistake would have caused alot of problems.

Friday, June 1st:
More consequences of the mistakes, much worse. Part of the mistakes were due to my doing something someone else said to do, w/o checking with yet another person. Part of the consequences were due to my mistake, and part were somewhat coincidental. But I didn't know that the coincidental part was mostly coincidental, so I pretty much went on a major, stressful guilt trip until I was told it was mostly coincidental.

I went home, still feeling sick to my stomach over the whole mess.

While trying to relax and eat dinner with my husband, I heard a loud snap coming from the kitchen. I got up, and discovered a dead mouse in the lower kitchen cabinet. The one I'd cleaned 1/2 of late last year from a mouse before. I'd cleaned the half that held the dishes, and ALL the dishes in that cabinet. I hadn't gotten to the other half that held food... I was wiped out. I looked at the mouse, closed the door, and went back and sat down. And greatly wished I could get roaring drunk!!!

The following week, I was a little shell-shocked when it came to going near the system I've been writing code for. Thankfully I spent most (or was it all?) of the week at my desk.

Thursday, June 7th:
I tried to go get a blood test. It's a special blood test that's part of the testing to ensure the baby doesn't have downs syndrome. If this 2nd blood test, plus another special sonogram go well, I can avoid the icky amnio needle thingy.

So I go to the place on Patterson that I typically go to to get blood drawn. It's really close to work, and so is very convenient. Well, on June 4th, they moved!!! I look at the address for where they moved to... it's only a little ways away. I misremembered it while driving there, and ended up going into another medical facility and asking them where they'd moved to. Apparently I wasn't the only one who was getting lost trying to figure out where they were now, as this gal handed me this piece of paper with the map printed on it, and gave me directions. I finally find the place, walk in, and the gal has no idea what the slip of paper I hand her is for. She ends up calling my new ObGyn, and out that this test has to be done downtown, about a 15 minute drive away. I look at my watch... I'd wasted half an hour already. I decide to try again tomorrow.

Friday, June 8th:
I get access to the test set, and am testing my code. I find out I have all day on the system, so I decide, after lunch, to go ahead and go get that blood test. I drive downtown. It's 1:30pm. The clinic closes at 1pm on Fridays.

Ghrrrrrrrr.

I drive back to work, and consider taking a knife to my arm, bleeding into a plastic bag, and mailing the damned thing.

Sunday, June 10th:
I am 39.

My husband and I go see Pirates of the Carribean. It was pretty cool, although the ending was a little too "Greek Tragedy" for my husband. But it was still funny, and the action was cool. I enjoyed it.

My husband and I, and our friends, their 6 year old daughter, and their newborn baby girl, all go out for sushi. We go to this special sushi place, Sakana, in Montecito. It is the BEST sushi I've ever had.

I search the menu, find about 3 rolls that sound good and all have cooked food in them. We have an awesome time. Sigh. :)

Our friend, R, the mother of the 2 girls, talks about how this is the first raw sushi, i.e., sashimi, she's had since before she got pregnant. Her baby girl is getting close to being weanable, and R's milk is drying up, anyway. She had an awesome time. :) But what cracked me up was that she said that she went out with friends for sushi while pregnant, and was miserable eating cooked sushi while they got to eat all the raw sushi! She said she wished she had never gone.

Heh. Then she looked up at me, while I ate my cooked sushi, and said, "Sorry...". I just cracked up. :) That was just priceless!!!

And no, I wasn't miserable. I was salivating heavily as their 6 year old ate raw salmon sashimi... ohhhh... my favorite. But I definitely wasn't miserable. :)

Tuesday, June 12th:
I go downtown to the clinic, the one that was closed on Friday afternoon. My ObGyn wanted me to get a heart monitor strapped to me. She wanted to verify if the diagnosis I'd had when I was a child, of having a heart murmer, was correct. I could have grown out of it, or it could have been a mistake. Considering I was pregnant, it was something that they wanted to keep an eye on.

I had 5 sensors taped to my chest, in places that would still allow me to remove my bra at night. I plunked the recorder into my jeans pocket. Then headed down to the basement and FINALLY got the damned blood drawn.

Over the course of the day, I realized I would have MUCH rather had 5 blood tests than spend another minute wearing those damned, sticky, itchy sensors. I kept checking to ensure they hadn't come loose. I ended up taping them over the course of the day. And every time I moved the wrong way, I felt them trying to pull loose. So by the end of the day, my back was a mess of knots. And I was having a hard time not scratching at all those itchy sensors.

I went to bed that night, and had a terrible time going to sleep. I had taped everything securely, but still... At 2am, I got up to go to the bathroom, and realized the recording unit had fallen out of my sweat-pants pocket. I plunked it back in, went to the bathroom (while bending over at a funny angle in order to not pull the cables, while the recorder still sat in my pocket), washed my hands, clipped the pocket closed with a binder clip, and went back to bed.

Wednesday, June 13th:
I drove down to the clinic, got the taped sensors removed, handed in the diary I was supposed to keep while wired up, and drove home. I gave up and crawled back into bed, trying to catch up on all the sleep I'd lost during the night. Got to work REALLY late. *SIGH*

Thursday, June 14th:
I got time on the system again. Part of the system had been worked on, but I didn't realize that. I did something, and saw water spilling onto the floor!

Not. Again.

After talking to the engineer who designed the system, I mopped up the water and kept testing my software.

Later that day, the engineer who designed the system, and I, heard something leaking. He made a note to go replace a valve. Then he went home. I later thought I heard other areas leaking, and made a note to let the engineer know.

Later that night, I worried that what I'd done had caused the leaks. I was wrong, but I didn't know it, and I lost alot of sleep over it.

Friday, June 15th:
The engineer who works on the system explained that I hadn't caused the leaks.

I got back on the bloody system, and continued testing software. And crawled home around 7pm.

I told my husband, "I am SO done."

I can't be doing this. I can't be this gun shy. I can't be stressing myself out like this. Thankfully, I'm almost done with this version of the software. I hope the next week will see it pass the final testing, after the final changes are made, and that if not the end of this week, maybe the start of the following week will see it installed and in use. And I won't have to go near that system for a while. It's too complex, and while I'm preggers, my brain is mush. :P And my ability to stress myself out seems to be amped up.

I just feel like I'm a jinx right now.

Well, sorry for the insane length of this post. But if you've wondered what's been happening in my life, well, now you know. :)

Oh. BTW. Happy Fathers Day. :)

In space, no one can hear you scream...

2007-05-14T19:30:00.000-07:00

Had another ObGyn appointment today. They tried to hear the fetal heart-beat, but weren't able to pick it up. [Guess my fat is hiding it really well...]

So, they did another sonogram, and were able to see the heart fluttering.

However, the image makes me wonder... if my husband has been telling me everything about his...

origins...

'Cause I swear it looks like an Alien!!! ;)

Well, it's only a little under week 12. It will start looking more human... eventually... ;)

However, as a sci-fi enthusiast, I think it's appearance is VERY fitting!!!

I'm due November 29th!

2007-04-16T22:47:00.000-07:00

I went to my ObGyn today. They did a sonogram to see how things were going, and determine how far along I really was.

As my body was giving me mixed signals, I wasn't sure if I had gotten pregnant in early February or early March. Well, now I know. I must have gotten pregnant in early March.

I'm due November 29th. Today, 4/16/2007, I am exactly 7 weeks and 5 days along... they count from maybe day 3 of your last period. Or they misunderstood when I told them day 1 was??? Anyway, I guess it's easier to start from there, your last period, than from guessing the actual date of conception, LOL!

40 weeks later, a baby will be born.

I saw the heart beat. It looked like it was fluttering... moving so fast.

I'm having an adorable...
baby...
Lima bean. ;)

Eventually, I'm told it will look less bean-ish. ;)

My friends' reactions...

2007-04-14T18:36:00.000-07:00

The dogs come to a realization...

2007-04-08T11:58:00.000-07:00

Hack-hack!

2007-04-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

I'm having that lovely paranoia that all pregnant women get. Enhanced by my natural obsessive-compulsiveness.

There was a lady at the grocery store who occasionally coughed. She had some kids with her. I avoided her area of the store, holding my breath until I was a few aisles away.

I picked up my items, got in line, and then, lo and behold, she gets in line behind me.

I keep my cart between myself and her, and finally explain:
"I'm really sorry, but I'm pregnant, and you're coughing is scaring the crap out of me! I'm just a little paranoid right now, and will be that way probably for another 8 months."

I honestly am not sure if she understood me... she may not have spoken English. But she smiled a little, but seemed a little embarrassed.

I got my groceries to the car, then returned the cart. I was about 20 feet from where I could release the cart, in front of the store, when one of her daughter's came running out. She sneezed w/o covering her mouth.

I shoved the cart hard in the direction it needed to go, turned around w/o watching to see if it made it, held my breath, and ran to my car!

Whoa

2007-04-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

I'm pregnant.

No, this isn't an April Fools joke. I'm really pregnant. REALLY REALLY. ;)

It's very, very bizarre.

I mean, we were planning on having kids. We were trying. We started trying in January, after I'd been off birth control for long enough. I just wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly.

I was even sure I wasn't pregnant at one point, and had sushi and a couple of hard drinks! The nurse practitioner and my psychiatrist had to talk me down and let me know that the baby was probably totally ok. Lots of people have gone on major benders, then found out they were pregnant, and had perfectly healthy babies. As long as I wasn't an alcoholic, it was all good. And no, I'm not an alcoholic.

It was really funny, because I thought I had a period on March 20th. I was all bummed out. My husband was like, "Well, you're going to have to figure out when you ovulate." Bleah. Didn't want to have to get that technical about it. Just wanted to relax and just get pregnant when I got pregnant.

So, I was feeling really weird 1 week ago. I thought I was having a period, so I didn't think I was pregnant. But the weird feeling wouldn't go away. So on Sunday, March 25th, I peed on one of those test things. I had issues keeping it in the stream -- women can't aim on that sort of thing -- and managed to get it all over the tester, even on the window. So when it came up positive, I figured "I did it wrong". I read the instructions, and it said to hold the tester in the urine stream only 5 seconds. Well, that pushed my OCD button. I grabbed a cup, peed in that, grabbed a stopwatch, and stuck the tester in the cup for exactly 5 seconds. That also came up positive.

Uh-huh. Ok, then.

The tester thing cracks me up. So there's this deep pink stripe, and a lighter pink stripe to the right. The fact that the right stripe was lighter made me wonder if the test was accurate. Then I figured out that the lighter pink stripe on the right is just to let you know that the test is complete. It's ALWAYS going to turn light pink. Period. It's the darker pink stripe you need to be focusing in on.

Monday March 26th, ironically also my Mom's 78th birthday -- I'm the product of a second marriage for both my parents, and I'm having kids late in life myself -- I got a blood test. I got the results back Thursday. Yep. Definitely pregnant.

I was pretty freaked while waiting for the blood test results. No-one told me that having breakthrough bleeding, also known as spotting, is very common in women in their first trimester. I figured I was having a REALLY SLOW LONG MISCARRIAGE, LOL! Or that I was going to have one, soon. But talking to the nurse practitioner on Thursday, and also my psychiatrist, I learned it was actually pretty normal.

I don't know how far along I am. After going off "the pill", my periods have been a little weird. Feb 20th might have been a period, might not. Had some breakthrough bleeding in between that "period" and the "period" I thought I was having on March 20th. So... yeah. ;)

I might be due in late November... I might be due in December.

This is SO freaky.

Somehow, it's all going to work out.

My husband and I told the dogs that they get to be furry babysitters, LOL! :)

My Eye! My Beautiful Eye!

2007-03-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

"My eye! My beautiful eye!"

I think that's a quote from Futurama, when Leela, the one-eyed (she's a cyclops) human-mutant ship's captain gets a bunch of hot spices shot directly into her single eye by Elzar, the futuristic version of... crap, I can't remember the name of the chef in our present time who goes "Bam!" all the time, LOL!!! Oh, yeah. Emerald. I think that's the guy. Probably not spelling his name right.

Anyway, I'm in bed, sleeping away on a Saturday morning, and one of our dogs gets up and insists I wake up and let both of them out.

"No, Boss. Go away. Go lie down."

Boss finally gives up, but not without giving a drool-flinging shake.

And yes, you guessed it. A big dollop of dog slobber lands right in my left eye.

I'm horrified. I probably wouldn't be if it weren't for the episode of House where that farmer's dog bites the farmer on the leg, and gives him a bad case of flesh-eating virus.

I get up, and proceed to wash the outside of my left eye-lid with sea-breeze (most quickly-found alcohol-containing product in the bathroom), and then flush my left eye with eye drops. Then I use the bathroom. Dwelling on it as I finish going to the bathroom, I end up rinsing my left eye out with water... after I've first washed my hands of course.

Anyway, just call me one-eye.

Slow blog day

2007-03-06T19:01:00.000-08:00

So, I went home sick for the second time in 2 weeks.

Last time, I had had chili, a hard-boiled egg that hadn't been refrigerated the day before, but had been in the frig the prior night -- I had forgotten to eat it the prior day -- and all kinds of different foods.

And one blended fruit drink in a bottle, sold from a well known store.

I almost threw up, and ended up in the bathroom with the runs. After the fourth trip to the bathroom, I went home sick for the day.

I blamed the hard boiled egg. It seemed the likely choice. The chili didn't make my husband sick. But it did make the "runs" much less pleasant.

Today, I had shepherds pie leftover from the prior night. And this pie hadn't bothered me or my husband the prior night. And a cup of instant coffee.

And I had another bottle of the blended fruit drink.

I almost puked at work. I honestly TRIED to... but it was a weird battle. On the one hand, I knew if I went with the desire to vomit, I'd probably feel alot better and not have the runs so bad. [The prior time, I'd fought tooth and nail not to puke. So the vile bug had to go through my entire intestinal tract before I was rid of it.] But on the other hand, I really didn't want to have to puke if I could help it. No-one ever does, and part of your body will fight you about it until the other part finally says "yes, you are puking, NOW!"

I suppose I could have done the finger-down-the-throat trick, but I missed that lesson in the private school that served as my high-school. Let's just say that bulemia wasn't one of my problems growing up.

Anyway, I knew puking was inevitable, and I knew I was screwed. And... I knew the rest of my day was screwed, as I'd probably be running to the restroom for the *other* reason after I'd finished puking.

I told my office-mate I was going home to puke. I pulled the container the fruit drink had come in, out of the trash, and tossed it into a plastic bag. And I drove home.

And I nearly cried at everything that tried to keep me from getting to the house, the sanctuary. The most comfortable place to vomit, LOL.

Because, if you're going to be as sick as a dog, you want to be sick at home. I don't know why that's true, but it just is.

After dealing with a road being forced down from 2 lanes to 1, a few slow drivers, and then having to force myself (while nearly in tears) to drive the speed-limit past the nearby school (with parents driving by to pick children up), I finally made it.

I pulled into the driveway.

And that, apparently, was as long as my body could wait. I unbuckled my seatbelt, opened the driver's side door, and proceeded to toss my cookies. Several times. Onto our front lawn. With my bra unsnapped under my blouse, and my jeans unzipped, because anything tight on my body was making the nausea worse.

I'm not sure if there were any witnesses. And I certainly didn't care at that point!

I dug around in my trunk, and found some kleenex, and did a little kleenup. [Kleenex should make that: a product called Kleenup. Why haven't they thought of that yet?] I walked around my car, carefully avoiding my former lunch, and dragged my work bag into the house. I hoped my untucked blouse hid the fact that my fly was open. Well, really, at that point, I didn't really give a rats ass.

I went back out, recovered my purse, closed the front door to my car, and somehow walked back into the house.

A few moments later, after some more cleanup, and after changing into comfortable clothing, and I was back outside, trying to rinse the mess off my lawn. The location on the lawn was right where my husband and I walk to get into the house. And where other people walk. It didn't seem a good idea to leave that toxic waste there.

I crawled back inside, called the cleaning service we use to let the know that it was probably not a good day to come by, seeing as I intended to camp out in the master bathroom for most of the rest of the day, and then got onto the horn with the makers of that aforementioned fruit drink.

They were honestly really nice, and I was actually nice, seeing as, although I still felt like shit, I felt so much better than I had felt PRIOR to losing my cookies that I was now in a manic-depressive-like good mood.

I'm refraining from telling you the name of the fruit drink that did me in. I believe the customer representative I spoke to is correct in his thoughts that spoilage might have occurred due to some problem in transit, i.e., like some idiot leaving a crate of these things outside when they should have been immediately deposited into a refrigerated container. And by that, I mean someone in charge of delivering the item, not anyone at this company's actual processing plant. I just get the feeling that this company cares too much about it's product to be careless. But I could believe that a delivery dude, having a bad day, might be a little blase about the refrigeration rules.

Anyway, if you hear of a recall of any fruit drinks in the Southern California area, my situation may be one of a few incidents causing the recall, LOL!!!

For some hellish reason, I chose to take a picture of my barf. Do NOT scroll down unless you are in the same morbid state of mind that caused me to actually capture that moment. Especially do NOT scroll down if you are feeling nauseated yourself. I mean, unless you WANT to induce vomiting. Then... by all means... scroll away.

I warned you.

On that note, I think I'll go make some weak soup...

Before and After

2007-02-14T20:23:00.000-08:00

I saw this in Longs, and HAD to get it for my husband for Valentine's Day. :)

Awwwww. :) Very cute, huh?

My husband found these for me!!!

Yes, those are Orchids. Aren't they incredible?

Heh. I think I'd better read up on how to keep these babies alive!!! :)

Makes me think about the Orchids in the movie "Secretary". Hee-hee. ;)

Husband got to see the stuffed shepherd. I placed it on the back of the couch, where he would see it. I figured it would be safe there... but he and I both got distracted, and forgot about our LIVE shepherds.

Here's the After shots. :(

We have yet to find it's nose.

We figure it will come out in the Cycle of Poo.

What's wrong with this picture?

2007-02-09T21:50:00.000-08:00

See this picture?

What's wrong with it? Other than the fact that two good friend's like Zoidberg (spelling?) and Fry shouldn't be fighting... And that it's pretty amazing that Fry is able to function in spite of the agony he should be in, having just had his arm cut off. And that there's not alot of blood everywhere. Other than all those things.

Here, I'll give you a closer look:

How...

2007-02-08T19:51:00.001-08:00

Husband asked me a spelling question. He should know better. ;)

"How do you spell ignorant?"

"S T U P I ..."

OCD, OCD, OCD

2007-01-31T20:00:00.000-08:00

OCD is firing pretty hard today. Ghrrrrr...

I went to Orchard Supply Hardware to pick up some of those cool, high-lumen/low-wattage light bulbs. We're already using them all over the house, and I wanted to use them in 2 lamps in my shared office at work.

So, 2 light bulbs in hand, (looking mysteriously like curly fries to my weird brain), I happen to wander by the gardening area.

Ooooh. Sharp objects. Shears. Things that can destroy those plants that fight me in the yard. Like that evil, really thick bushy weed-monster that I had to fight when removing/trimming back the plant life against the house, in preparation for the great Termite Tenting of 2007.

I browsed everything, and came to the object that most closely resembled what I had deeply wished I'd had during my former battle with the bush:

A machete.

I'd wished I'd had a light-saber at the time of the great battle. But a machete... PERFECT.

In case I had to do battle with another future fiendish foliage, I grabbed a machete and, foaming at the mouth with glee, headed for the cash register.

Then the OCD hit. Ok, and then the OCD, already high today, made itself more obviously apparent:

I'm standing in line at the register... holding a very dangerous instrument... the sort of thing that people are often known to use to murder their spouses.

Whereupon I'm confronted by two lovely and ridiculous OCD thought-threads:
1. What if I go crazy and kill my husband with this machete???? Maybe I shouldn't get it...
2. What if everyone here thinks I'm only getting this machete to do something evil, like kill my husband?

I explain to the cashier, in strange detail, that I'm getting this machete in case I have yet another gargantuan garden growth to fight in the future, like the one I most recently fought. The one I fought stupidly, with lots of sharp but inadequate objects, and lots of brute force, instead of using the smarter tool known as the chain-saw. Which, yes, we have one of.

The cashier is amused by the tale. Nevertheless, I can't help but feel, as I'm walking to the car, that she's just thinking: "Wow, what an elaborate cover-up story to keep me from believing that she's killing her husband later."

Chips

2007-01-27T20:12:00.000-08:00

"While I'm at Vons getting your sandwich, is there anything else you'd like me to pick up?"

"Uhm, no.... Wait, get some chips."

"What kind of chips?"

"Good chips."

"And this month's favorite chips are?"

"Chips that don't suck."

Termites Terminated

2007-01-21T22:30:00.000-08:00

Here's what I did this past week.

--------------------
January 13th/14th, Saturday/Sunday:
--------------------
Trimmed back trees, trimmed back the roses and the cactuses (really, the strange ice-plant like stuff), trimmed back the bushy tree-like things in front of the house, and ANNIHILATED the weed-like bush on the side of the house.

In my struggle against the EVIL WEED LIKE BUSH, I inhaled alot of the green stuff growing on the side of said bush. Maybe it was moss, maybe it was fungus, mold... don't know. I figure if I end up coughing like a mad fool, it's either vikane gas left in the house from the tenting, or the green stuff. :P

The bush struggled mightily against me. I ended up throwing everything at it. Clippers, small tree branch trimmer, large tree-branch trimmer/hacksaw... even an axe. I started attacking the bush Sunday, with a headache. The Advil finally kicked in, but I was exhausted from Saturday's trimming.

Then, after the bush threw green-stuff at me, and gave my arm a rather nasty scratch, I became violent. Bush became decimated. "Scratch me, will you... I'll give YOU a good scratching!" *Wham* *Wham* *Wham*

Adrenaline and anger can be a good thing.

While hacking and yanking the heck out of the thing, it occurred to me that it would be wonderful to have a real lightsaber about then. Would make the job so much easier.

I finished, and realized I didn't have any time to do much bagging of our food. I did chuck out some old food, but that was about it.

Then, Sunday evening, it occurred to me that I'd just worked harder, not smarter. We have a chainsaw in the garage. :P

--------------------
January 15th, Monday:
--------------------
Husband got on plane Monday morning for work. Away from home until Friday evening. Drove my car. Husband parked in short term as he was afraid of missing his flight.

I wanted this. It meant that I could bag food and box up valuables or stuff I didn't have time to bag, w/o my husband having to worry about it, or wondering why I was boxing/bagging "this". I had been forewarned that my house could be robbed during the tenting event... either by the tenters or by those who followed the tenters' schedule. So I wasn't taking any chances.

Basically, I didn't want my husband to be around for the event to worry... and I also wanted to be free to have my full OCD fit w/o interference!

So Monday night, after work, I stop at Staples for boxes. Then, I double-bag food. I box some valuables. But it's just such an overwhelming task. And I find myself not getting as much done as I KNOW needs to be done, when the tenting is only a few days away. Not good.

Got a ride from a friend to the airport to rescue my car. Continued boxing/bagging, gave up, crashed.

Before I crashed, discovered mouse poo in my home office, on my desk. Ghrrrrrr. I suspect the mouse I killed in the kitchen had a friend, since I don’t think the mouse poo was there AFTER the death of the kitchen mouse last year. I certainly don’t remember seeing it when I was wrapping Christmas presents in there.

Sleep tight, my little furry friend. You’ll be dead by the end of the week.

Bwah-hah-hah-hah!!!

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January 16th, Tuesday:
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I'm stressed. I didn't sleep well the night before, and I wake up late. I pull myself out of bed and email work that I'm not coming in, that I need to take today off to bag food, etc.

Around 10:30 am someone knocks on the door. It's a guy from the tenters. He needs to measure the property to determine how much gas they need to bring.

But... the exterminators, who subcontract out to the tenters... they already measured the place?

Well, the tenters needed to measure, too. And check the property to ensure it's ready. So I let the tenter into the back yard, leaving the doggies in the house. I walk around with the tenter. He notes how the perimeter has been nicely cleared. And I'm hoping the guy is really from the tenter's, and that my house isn't currently being cased, LOL!

No-one forewarned me that this guy was coming. I got the impression he wasn't prepared to call me to get into the backyard. And if he'd jumped the fence, he would have been lunch for the doggies.

Tenter leaves. Someone else knocks on door. I'm suddenly really glad to have these big ferocious-looking huge mean loudly-barking dogs by my side every time I open the front door.

It's some dude who wants to leave a card. He does home repair. I wonder if he's making the rounds, if he happened to see the holes left by the exterminators who poked our property to locate the termites (on one roof beam, the only thing really still there is the paint!), or if this is guy #2 casing the joint.

Good doggies. Yes. Look mean. Puff up that fur on your back. Let your combined weight of 170 pounds of fur, fang and claws scare the living daylights out of the strangers!

Mommy is SO proud of you! :)

Anyway, it turns out the first guy really was from the tenters. Don't know about the 2nd guy. But am beginning to feel like my co-workers and friends are conspiring to make me into a paranoid nut.

I spent the day bagging and boxing, and realizing we have medication spread ALL OVER THE HOUSE. Over-the-counter, bandages, salves, prescribed, you name it. All kinds of stuff that we either put in our mouth or put over wounds, and therefore fits my definition of "can be ingested", i.e., can make it into the body.

Damn. How the heck did we accumulate all this crap? It's everywhere. I box it, and my jewelry box, and contemplate drinking heavily. If I drink the nearly empty bottle of booze in the freezer, I don't have to bag it. Heh.

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January 17th, Wednesday:
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I go to work. I have to leave to pick up doggies at 4pm, so I can get them down to the doggy hotel by 6pm, and continue the nightmare that is this week.

By 3pm, it's started to rain. Like it might mean it.

Doggies are German Shepherds. Does this mean they are smart enough to stay out of the rain and the mud? No. This means they are smart enough to get wet and muddy for the fun of annoying their owners.

So I let my Supervisor know I'm leaving early. I get behind every person who is driving to pick up their kids from daycare/pre-school, but eventually get to the house. Where I find Boss in his outdoor dog-house, and Ellie on the concrete under the patio roof. Both safe and dry, and snoozing away. Thank the Lord!!!

I start some hoses running to saturate the ground. This is both to give the tent a good seal with the dirt, and to protect the roots of any plants that end up under the tent.

I fight 101 South traffic. It takes probably 30 to 40 minutes to get downtown. Doggies are drooling heavily... much longer, and vomiting is imminent. But I make it, drop them off, pet them goodbye (sigh), and find out that for $40.00 extra per dog, I can torture them with a bath. Heh-heh. Sure! :)

Call my Mom on the way back on 101 North. She's ready. She agreed to give me moral support on the longest evening of my life. She's got congestive heart failure, so her job is simply to sit on the couch, watch movies, and be another soul in the house. She did her job perfectly: it was exactly what I needed to keep me going.

I pick her up. We stop at Staples for me, Borders for her. I need more rubber bands and packing tape, and more boxes. She needs a book. Then we stop and McD's for burgers and shakes, and settle into the groove that is the Nightmare on Wednesday.

When we get home, I see that I've definitely flooded the roses, LOL! They've had hours of watering by this time. I move hoses around the outside of the house, and set the timer for 30 minutes. 30 minutes per spot that I want to douse.

Mom and I ate dinner. Then I sat her on the couch and put a movie in for her. First one was Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Second one was Ocean's Twelve. Last one was 28 Days.

While perimeter saturation went on, (i.e., in between when the alarm beeped and I had to move the hoses), did the following:

Double-bagged food items
Single-bagged food items I was just going to haul out of the house
Boxed valuables, etc.
Talked to neighbors regarding keeping their cats indoors, so they don't run under the tent and die
Took trash out
Did the dishes, put dishes away
Packed a bag for myself
Moved doggy dishes and dog water dish outside to the railroad ties that serve as planters for some by-the-fence plants, which would put them outside the tenting. [Just in case… dishes are supposed to be ok to be tented.]
Loaded my car with boxes and bags of stuff that wasn't so valuable, but that I didn't want gassed, and moved it 2 blocks away. Alot of dry food in the trunk, dog meds in the back, and a big container of dog food in the passenger seat!
Loaded Tahoe with boxes, 90% of our DVD collection, a sleeping bag, my packed bag, my work bag and purse, etc.
Turned off heat.
Unlocked the side gates into the back yard.

And finally, lost my mind.

Got out of my house around 1:40am.

Got to my parent's place. Crashed on the couch. Died of heatstroke: my parent's are elderly, and keep it really warm in their mobile home. And something in the living room beeped plaintively every few minutes or so. But I was dead tired. So sleep finally came, although not until almost 3am.

I have to say, I have become an expert in double-bagging food. FYI, when you get your house tented for termites, you are given a specialized bag to double-bag your food in. It looks like a giant zip-lock bag, minus the zip-lock. But it fights you the way packing tape fights you when you are trying to get it correctly placed on a box.

So, here's how you double-bag food with these uncooperative bags:
1. Slide open bag, push arms in to make it quit holding to itself via static.
2. Do the same to a 2nd bag.
3. Shove 2nd bag into first. Keep pushing, gently, trying to get 2nd bag to actually make it all the way to the end of the first one. This takes some patience.
4. Hold opening edge of both bags together to keep them lined up, as they will immediately try to shift out of position.
5. Start placing objects into the bags, fighting with the bags as they immediately try to shift out of position again.
6. Fill bags only 1/3 full. Then twist inner bag, tie with rubber band to hold in place, then tape. Test gently to ensure air-tight. Then twist outter bag, tie with rubber band to hold in place, then tape. Test again to ensure air-tight.

Optionally, to speed up the process, you can triple bag. Take a regular plastic trash bag and fill with a conservative amount of food. Then, when you are at step 5 above, you gently place the trash bag of food into the double-bag. Center it well. Then proceed with rests of steps.

Yes, this is painstaking. No, this is not a swift process. Yes, it might be easiest to only double-bag your booze and your refrigerated items, and haul the rest of your crap out with you. Matter of fact, if you don't have alot of time, I highly recommend doing exactly that: bag refrigerated items and booze, haul rest of stuff out.

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January 18th, Thursday:
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Got up late. Dead tired. Crawled into work. Called exterminator to make sure things were going ok. They were. Whew.

After work, stopped by the house. Realized that w/o a flashlight, and just with the darkness and all, the camera in my phone wasn't going to do the tenting justice. So, you'll just have to take my word for it... yea, verily, it was tented.

Dragged the trash cans to the curb. Picked up the newspaper and the mail. Stopped for burgers for my parents. Ate dinner. Watched a movie... what was it? Thursday evening is just a blur... uhm... oh, yeah. Someone Like You.

Talked to my husband on the phone. His week was going pretty well except for something stupid. And he was wishing he could be there to help me out.

Crashed on couch at midnight.

*Beep*

Turned music on my laptop. Mom was up, watching tv in the family room. Light was filtering around the corner, but not too bad.

*Beep*

Dad was already in bed. He gets up early. Set the music to something comforting, good familiar white-noise to compliment the fan that was running in the living room. Snuggled deeper on top of my sleeping bag, trying to feel comfy and ignore the warmth of the mobile home.

*Beep*

Stared up at ceiling. Damned smoke detector is right above me. No-wonder... it’s obviously needing a *beep* new battery. Crap, too tired to deal with it. Turn music up higher.

*Beep*

Pull watch over, set to stop-watch mode.

Wait... *Beep* Click.

Wait...

*Beep* Click. 33 seconds. It’s beeping every 33 seconds.

Let’s see. I need to be up at 7 or 8am. 33 seconds... *Beep* That’s what, 700 to 800 more beeps before I need to *Beep* get up?

Great. For Heaven’s sake, DO NOT START COUNTING *Beep* THE DAMNED BEEPS!

Ok then. Sleeping. Finally.

Dad gets up at 4am. *Beep*

I hug Dad as he leaves at 5am. Then crawl back onto the *Beep* couch.

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January 19th, Friday:
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Get up eventually. Pack. Shower. Put crap in husband’s car. Work. Pick up husband at 6pm at airport. Drive by house. Tent is off, but notices are up as it’s degassing.

Drive to husband’s parents house. Order pizza. Crash in guest bedroom. Oh, thank the Lord: a bed!!!

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January 20th, Saturday:
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Leave husband’s parent’s house. Drive through McD’s for lunch. Get home by noon. Go inside... breath in... still alive. Cool.

Unpack husband’s car. Eat lunch. Then husband drives away to pick up dogs.

I walk around and hunt for doggy toys I might have missed in the house, that therefore got tented. Ditto outside, if I even suspect they were under the tent.

Then I rescue my car: it’s parked 2 blocks away. And start unloading that.

Dogs come home. Happy happy, joy joy! :)

Husband and I collapse on couch. We’ve both had a really rough week.

Gas man comes around 2pm, turns on gas, advises us that maybe we should change that filter on the heater that’s been sitting there FOR OVER 6 YEARS.

Huh. Yeah, that might be a good idea.

Gas man leaves. Husband and I crawl into bed and sleep from 3pm to 7 or 8pm!!!

Get up. Eat. Feed dogs. Do very little. Crawl back into bed by Midnight!

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January 21st, Sunday:
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Crawl out of bed at 11am. Get cleaned up. Go eat lunch. Purchase water. Go home. Be vegetables, but eventually unbox crap.

It’s 10:30pm. Still have boxes, but we’re mostly done. Sigh.

All in all, if I had it to do over, I would give myself three weeks to prepare, and not just one.